


Tempered Cold

by Enochian_Joke



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Assorted Tadanobu Asano characters to give Hogun A character, Drag Queen Loki, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hogun POV, Hogun is human, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki is still a god, Mythological version of Angrboda, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochian_Joke/pseuds/Enochian_Joke
Summary: Hogun is an office worker who loves to play the guitar, who wanted to be a musician and is in a complacent slump. Meanwhile, Loki does drag and magic tricks, pulls pranks and compulsively lies. Banished from Asgård for his crime against Jötunheimr, Loki performs in Norway's capital; for all intents and purposes just another human except that, of course, Loki is anything but.After a chance meeting at a night club, an unlikely relationship ensues.





	1. Bright Lights

Even with the rising temperatures, Norway was still so damn cold. Taking a walk in the freezing night air was probably comparable to some sort of ancient torture, Hogun thought, as he made his way to his apartment. His broken car left him outside on the coldest day foreboding a miserable winter, on the one day he decided to accompany his colleagues for late night drinks.

Normally he'd have taken the bus, but something compelled him to walk instead. Likely, it was his body growing numb from hours upon hours of sitting at his desk, doing the work he was good at, but work that he mostly disliked.

While the cold air at least served to clear his mind some, he felt that the rest from the cold was needed before he reached his apartment. He might just freeze otherwise, Hogun thought. Looking around, he tried to spot a shop that was still open this late at night, naturally finding none. If there was something to be said about Norway, it was that they had about the same amount of societal discipline of his home country. No late night shenanigans and certainly no late night noise.

It was then that he, in the middle of this otherwise silent town, heard a very faint thrumming sound coming from one of the alleyways he was passing by. Walking down the alley, Hogun tried to spot the source of the noise until he ended up in what looked to be a yard, surrounded by low buildings graffitied to hell and back. It didn't take long for memory to come, as he realized his walk had taken him to the underground clubbing area; a place he'd been to once, back when he first moved here, and then never again.

Too old, he often told himself, for the incessant noise and sweaty bodies. However, the warmth of such a place and, if he was being honest with himself, the distraction it would certainly offer, felt too convenient to ignore. Especially now.

Hogun paid the entrance fee to a very bored looking cashier, doomed to stand near the gates in the freezing cold, and entered the space feeling somewhere between wanting to leave immediately and really very awkward. He was still dressed in his suit, white shirt and tie sort of a thing, and he felt himself standing out among the crowd of sparkling colors. But, nobody seem to mind him, or notice him at all, as he made his way to the bar. Most of the people were piled up in the middle of the room, leaving the bar stools open to sit on. Doing just that, Hogun allowed himself an exhale before he ordered a beer. He waited a long time for it, but he didn’t mind. The incessant thrumming noise and the variety of people, for once, took the whole of his attention. By the time he got the beer though, Hogun decided he would just stay at the bar, away from the crowd. A few drinks, he told himself, and then he would go.

The thrumming noise that was encompassing the space didn't sound like any genre he knew of, and there was presently no one at the stage. Still, people rocked with the sound, some talking among themselves, and some were very likely too high to bother. The unmistakable smell of weed invaded his nostrils, but Hogun took it in stride. He wasn't always a stranger to these kinds of places, and he spared a moment to imagine himself where he used to want to be, when he was much younger.

There, on a stage much like this one (nothing big, no, he never needed to be famous, he never needed to have people scream at him or for him) he imagined a guitar held steadily in his hand, his eyes closed as he relinquished control and poured it all into the wires and out into the crowd. Ah, it would have been nice, Hogun thought, just as the crowd began to clap and a man, no, a woman, came up to the stage, grinning widely and waving at the crowd.

"Your savior is here!" The person on the stage yelled, opening their hands wide to an amalgamation of people yelling back at them.

"Now ..." The person spoke, smiling a mischievous smile, "By the end of this night, I intend to make all of you kneel for me. Oh yes, even you ..." The performer pointed at the crowd and, for a wild and stupid moment, Hogun thought they were pointing at him.

But they weren't. A tall man standing to his front laughed and bowed, brandishing a crumpled bill. Sighing and trying to steady his racing heart, Hogun drank the last half of his beer, ordering a new one immediately.

The person on the stage spoke some more, before the music changed to something popular sounding, and they began to sing to it, along with the crowd. This one, Hogun did know, but he would be caught dead singing, even if his voice would likely end up swallowed in the noise of the crowd. Instead, he relaxed onto the stool at the bar and observed. That was one of the things he was best at, after all, he thought somewhat bitterly, as the person on stage took hold of every person present.

Hogun supposed it was easy to see why. Beyond just the physical, with the long black hair and big eyes, accentuated by heavy makeup, it was just the presence. Something about the way this person moved or, better yet, existed within the space. Hogun wasn't one to throw poetic words around, even in the privacy of his head, but the closest descriptor for this person would have been: Ethereal, magical, even.

Well, for that, he had to chuckle. He must have woken up strangely that day, on the wrong side of the bed as they say, or else he would have been at home now, drinking tea instead of another beer, plagued by mundane thoughts such as what he should have for breakfast. As it was, he scarcely thought a few drinks would be enough, because he felt frozen in this place, his eyes focused entirely on the stage, on this person that was there. At least he wasn't the only one enchanted by the flow of their graceful arms and the rythmic movement of their hips.

The song eventually changed and simmered into the same dull thrumming bit that had originally alerted him to this place. The person greeted the crowd once more, and left. They were replaced by another performer, who assured the crowd that The Trickster would be back.

Hogun ended up staying the whole night, wincing internally as he checked his phone for time and saw that it was nearly six in the morning. The work that day would truly be a pain in the ass, he thought as he retreated from the club, intending to catch whatever ride he could given that he was sweaty and it was still so fucking cold outside.

Fishing a pack of cigarettes out of his briefcase, Hogun gave himself a moment to breathe. The air inside had been suffocating.

"Can I have one of those?"

Hogun picked a cigarette out of the pack, not even looking at the person, until their hand came upon his vision as they delicately plucked the cigarette from his fingers, brushing them ever so lightly as they did.

"Thank you." The person said, black lips widening into a smile, gesturing for a lighter.

Oh, it was them, Hogun's mind helpfully supplied, as his eyes caught up with the person standing in front of them. Inside, on the stage, they were practically naked, in a tight sort of greenish black dress, but now they had on a large fake fur coat, their long hair falling within the strands of beige.

"Light it for me?" The person asked and Hogun obliged, trying not to look overly star struck.

The person chuckled, saying: "I heard somewhere this either means I own your soul now, or that we're bound to have sex."

Hogun was pretty sure he was gaping like a fish just then, but the person turned out to have some mercy for him, as they quickly amended: "I'm joking, relax."

"I, uh ..."

He was never big on words, Hogun knew that, though it rarely caused him such awkward moments. Then again, he'd never quite felt like this either, in the presence of another person. Feeling sufficiently like a creep, Hogun moved to leave, but the person caught his arm gently.

"Hey, no need to be so tense." The person said, "You've been to my show? How did you like it?"

People began to pile around them, more and more, and Hogun realized the music in the club had stopped. It could have been minutes ago, or ages ago, he would not have been the wiser, and he was once more staring like an idiot. They, however, didn't seem to mind.

"I, it was good." Hogun said.

"Just good?" The person asked, and oh, were they pouting?

"No, I mean ... " Hogun began, licking his lips as he wracked his brain on what to say.

"It wasn't good?" The person asked, and Hogun realized they were teasing him.

Exhaling, Hogun said: "It was wonderful."

"I see.“ The person said, their pouting expression falling into a small smile, "Then, come see me again. Here."

They extended him a pamphlet of some sort and, by the time Hogun had looked up from it, they were gone.

 

***

 

Hogun had just enough time to rush home, change from the sweaty suit, and go right back to work. To say he was exhausted would have been an understatement, but he also wasn't one to call in sick when he wasn't sick.

When one of his colleagues had graciously brought him a cup of coffee, Hogun was made of aware of the fact that he looked like hell.

"Rough night?"

"Long night." Hogun said, intending to spare no more words.

By the time he was finished and the clock struck four, Hogun felt ready to keel over. His car was still getting fixed so he called a taxi, resolving to pay more than he was comfortable with, since he really just wanted to come home as soon as possible.

Once there, after he'd gotten rid of the damn suit, and had fed his pet lizard, Hogun slumped on his unmade bed and closed his eyes, though he couldn't seem to fall asleep.

Something was thrumming beneath his skin, a kind of excitement he hadn't felt in years. Suddenly somehow all the way awake, he rummaged through his briefcase to find the pamphlet he'd been given. It was printed on glossy paper, thought the graphics looked cheaper than the show deserved. The Trickster was printed in big bold letters, followed by an extended title, presumably the performer's other name, and the location of the show.

Thankfully, this next show would be occurring on a Saturday so he might yet live, Hogun thought.

Slumping back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling of his small apartment, Hogun closed his eyes.

 

***

 

This time around, Hogun decided to come prepared. He’d dug up some of his old clothes, from back when he actually had energy to go out, and he even invited some of his friends who seemed surprisingly glad he'd called.

"Strange to see you out and about." Sigyn said, looking at him up and down, "I think I remember this outfit."

"I've been busy." Hogun said, hoping Sigyn would accept this excuse.

She hummed, giving him a last once over, "Well, it's good to see you."

"You too." Hogun said, smiling a little.

"Shall we?" Sigyn asked, and Hogun nodded, letting her lead him into the club, where their other friends were waiting.

Truthfully, Hogun was only ever close with Sigyn, but he didn't mind the company of others. When he saw them, he could admit that he felt somewhat excited, and somewhat guilty for having brushed them off so many times before. They, however, appeared unbothered, already surrounded by empty shot glasses.

The club was still relatively empty, and the music had been turned on low. In his youth, Hogun would have lamented an empty club, would have probably gone somewhere else until the odd hours when more people would be present. As it stood now, he was just glad he got to have pre-drinks in relative silence.

"I can't believe you've been to their show alone." Alex commented.

"You know the performer?" Sigyn asked, "I've googled them, but there's surprisingly not a lot to read. They don't even have a twitter account."

"Ghosting, yeah." Alex said, "Nowhere to be seen, other than on the stage. If you ask me, in this day and age, that's a good marketing strategy."

"Nobody even knows when they were born." Thea supplied, "Or what their real name is. I mean, Loki, really?"

Sigyn looked at Thea pointedly, which made her laugh and wave her hand, "Yeah, yeah," She amended, "Sorry, Sigyn, wife of Loki."

Hogun didn't need to bother asking what their banter was about, seeing as how he was visibly sufficiently confused.

"Don't mind them." Alex told him, "What little Thea knows of their mythology, she uses specifically to tease Sigyn."

"Isn't it common in Europe, to give your kids religious names?" Hogun asked, feeling reasonably sure, if his memory served him well, that on his travels, he'd met more than a handful of Maries, Athenas, you name it.

"It is, it is." Thea piped up, "But, usually, you give them a meaningful name. Not like, the name of a hated trickster's wife."

Sigyn smacked Thea's arm, but she simply laughed harder. Rolling her eyes, Sigyn sighed, turning to Hogun, "You're the only normal person I know, Hogun. Thank you for that."

His friends continued to banter, and Hogun found himself relaxing. This kind of small talk seemed to do wonders for his nerves, tense as he was. More often than not, lately, he would come home alone, a myriad of words and phrases stamped into his brain, seeing remnants of his spread sheets at work even after work.

No, this, this was good. This was good for him.

Eventually, people began to pile in and the air grew thicker as the lights dimmed. Whoever had been talking, including them, had stopped. The music grew louder and some began to dance. Sigyn pulled Hogun out of his chair to join the dancing crowd and he went, always needing a little push to truly let himself go.

The music continued to blare as Hogun followed Sigyn's easy movements, even managing a smile or two. She was a good dancer, even if there wasn't anything particular to dance to. Alcohol settling warmly and his body loose from movement he'd sorely needed, Hogun almost forgot who they were there to see.

When the droning music simmered down, and the people around them began to cheer, he remembered.

There they were.

"Wow," Sigyn hummed, "I love their hair."

Soon enough, Loki, or The Trickster, began their speech, the same as last time, and the people were no less enthused. Grinning widely, Loki spread their arms wide, as if they were both trying to siphon in the cheer and give all of themselves to them, to this moment.

Oh, it was dazzling. So much so, when the show finally began, Hogun could not, once more, tear his eyes away. However, since he was within the crowd now as opposed to last time, soon enough he gave way to dancing along with the song Loki was performing, and he almost, even, a little bit ...

Felt like he'd woken up to the thrill of old.

 

***


	2. My Pet Lizard

Alex and Thea left, and so did Sigyn. Under the excuse of wanting to see the end of the show, even though the performers had changed and Loki was no longer performing, Hogun stayed behind, though he did not stay in the club.

He didn't know what he was hoping would happen, exactly, and he felt both foolish and creepy as he exited the club and lit a cigarette. There were a few people already outside doing the same, so he found a quieter corner and slumped against the wall, exhaling a puff of smoke.

And, just like that puff of smoke, there they suddenly were. Hogun saw them from the corner of his eye, standing in the relative darkness, leaning on a wall as well some ways away from him.

Swallowing thickly, and definitely not trusting his voice, Hogun simply extended them his pack of cigarettes.

They smiled, walking up to him.

"You're not wearing your suit today." They said, looking him up and down in a facsimile of how Sigyn had done it earlier, except that there was something in their gaze that was not there in hers.

"I ... wasn't working, today." Hogun said, taking a drag out of his cigarette to settle his suddenly restless hands.

"I see." They said, their smile widening into a smirk, "I enjoy a man in a suit. I own quite a lot of suits myself."

Saying this, they grew ever closer, and Hogun both wanted and didn't want to move away. Instead, he stood rooted in place as they got as close as they were going to without bumping into him outright.

"I don't suppose you'd wear your suit for me, next time you come?"

Honestly, Hogun was amazed at himself for keeping as much composure as he did, seeing as how it turned out that this person also kind of smelled great, beyond the sweat of their performance. Something earthy, something ...

"You don't talk much, do you?" They asked, cocking their head slightly.

"I, uh ... I've been told I have heavily accented speech." Hogun said, without knowing why he said that, of all things.

Before he could feel sufficiently embarrassed, they said: "So you do. I suppose someone could be bothered by it. Though, I always think there's no sense in paying much attention to stupid people."

"I agree." Hogun said, once more his words seemingly unconsciously pulled out of him.

They smiled wide, nodding, "Good. That's good. See you around?"

"Yeah, see you ... " Hogun said, though they did not wait for him to finish. Upon one blink of his eyes they were gone, just as they had been last time, and Hogun wondered if he wasn't going a little mad.

 

***

 

The next morning, Hogun woke up with a headache and a peculiar need to pick up his old electric guitar.

"Good morning Lizard." Hogun said, looking through the glass at his quiet pet, sleeping close to his bed.

He'd gotten the lizard from Sigyn, years ago, months after he moved in. Between them a lizard was no strange gift, though it ended up requiring more care than Hogun realized. Eventually, the lizard and he reached a peaceful agreement and Hogun began to enjoy the presence of the scaly creature.

Certainly, having someone to think at was a good thing for someone like Hogun, whose preferred activity was to sit next to the lizard's habitat, a relaxing posture for this silent state of observance. He sometimes wondered what the lizard was thinking, though it was likely it wasn't thinking at all. He didn't even seem to mind when Hogun hooked up his old electric guitar into his equally old speaker and began to play a few notes, just to ease himself back into it.

Feeling sort of wild, for how far his idea of wild went, he released his hair from the loose bun and closed his eyes. The chords for an old rock song came to him more naturally than he expected, with as long an absence as his fingers and ears had taken from this once favored instrument.

Oh, he imagined his father's disapproving eyes, telling him a musician would never make enough money to live a comfortable life. That, if he wasn't the best, then there was no sense in even trying.

Before those sordid old thoughts could freeze his fingers, Loki appeared in his thoughts instead, the ease with which they moved on stage, the grace and alluring presence with which they'd honed their craft and released it openly to everyone who was present ... yes, there was something magical in Loki, for better or for worse.

With the last chord played, Hogun smiled.

For Loki's next show, he'd worn a suit. Sigyn was the only one who accompanied his this time, though she was sporting a tense expression.

"Okay, first, suit?" Sigyn asked, gesturing at him, „Second, are you sure you don't want to go somewhere else this time? I mean, I'm happy you're having fun, but Alex has a party and he said ...“

"You can go, if you want." Hogun said, and he did not mean it to sound so dismissive, but Sigyn looked offended regardless.

"Don't you think this is a little ... weird?" Sigyn asked, "They'll think you're stalking them."

"After two shows?" Hogun asked, "Besides, Loki told me to come. He told me to wear a suit."

Unexpectedly, Sigyn laughed, covering her lips with her hand, "Really? You don't think he was pranking you? I heard he's known to do that."

"Where did you hear that?" Hogun asked, feeling his face heat up.

Sigyn shrugged, "From some girl at his last show. She said she heard Loki's an endless tease and a prankster. Good shows, bad character."

Hogun considered this, all the while valiantly trying to keep his expression neutral. However, as always, Sigyn had no problems reading him, as though she had a window open right into his mind.

"I want to go." Hogun ended up saying, "I can go alone."

Sigyn rolled her eyes, giving him a one armed hug, "Nei, nei, we'll go together. Someone needs to watch out for you."

Reluctant to just accept this, feeling kind of pathetic for it, Hogun nevertheless went with Sigyn, knowing already that her stubborness would not allow him to protest. The show this time around was at a smaller venue, a space similar to the one Hogun first saw them at. They were serving drinks there too, but there was nowhere to sit other than outside in the freezing cold.

Hogun lit a cigarette while Sigyn went to get their drinks. There weren't a lot of people outside, and Hogun realized he'd once again come too early. Sighing, he sat down onto one of the wooden crates outside, and waited for Sigyn.

Just as he was half way to relaxed, somebody sat by him.

"Hello." The person said, and Hogun looked up.

Eyes wide, Hogun said: "Loki?"

Shushing him, Loki said: "Quiet, nobody knows I'm here."

Hogun looked around, as though all eyes would have been on them by then, but nobody was looking. When he glanced back at Loki, he supposed he could see why. Outside of the stage and its bright lights, their hair up in a high ponytail, with no makeup, and in surprisingly ordinary clothes, Loki was near unrecognizable.

"You're wearing your suit." Loki suddenly whispered, leaning into him.

Hogun nodded, feeling his throat go dry.

"I love it." Loki said, and Hogun could feel their smile stamp itself onto his neck in a gust of cold air, "Thank you."

Just then, Sigyn appeared, holding two beer bottles.

"Oh, hey there." She said, lifting one hand in greeting.

"Hello." Loki said, smiling wide.

Hogun was still in the process of trying to regain his breath, while Sigyn's eyes shifted from him back to Loki, and she smiled awkwardly. Loki motioned for Sigyn to come closer, which she did, reluctantly. They whispered something into her ear, and her eyes widened.

"Oh, oh, hello!" She yelped, "Uh. Sorry. I'm Sigyn, nice to meet you."

They shook hands and Loki said, with a wide grin: "My dear wife, how I've missed you."

"Oh come on." Sigyn whined, "Not you too."

"Hey, I think it's a nice name." Loki said, "I find only wonderful women bear it."

Sigyn blushed, saying: "Charming. Well, at least now I know Hogun was telling the truth."

„About?“ Loki asked, though their tone of voice suggested they knew.

"You told him to come and wear that suit." Sigyn said, "I hope you're not intending on laughing at him after, or I'll come for you." 

Loki chuckled, glancing at Hogun, who decided to just snatch that beer from Sigyn and drink it as fast as possible. Not that it would help, he didn't think, if Loki continued to sit so close to him.

Looking back to Sigyn, Loki said: "This was lovely, but I'm afraid I need to go. I'll see you in the crowd, I hope? My dear wife."

Sigyn grunted and Loki laughed, grinning wide, as they made their way through the now larger gathering of people, disappearing once more from Hogun's sight.

"That person is trouble." Sigyn complained, and Hogun could not resist a smile of his own.

                                                          

***

 

„Lizard, do you think Loki is trouble?“ Hogun asked, sitting by his lizard's habitat. The lizard did not respond, blinking every so often from his cozy assortment of flora.

Sigyn usually had a very good sense of other's character and their intentions. When the show had ended she complimented Loki, saying they indeed were a very good performer, but that they seemed shifty. Hogun asked her to explain what shifty meant, which lead to a good half an hour of conversation both related and unrelated to his question.

There must have been a reason, Hogun thought, for Loki to have chosen that name to begin with, and to title themselves The Trickster. Upon his reluctant search for what this character was, Hogun found exactly that. Loki, the troublemaker from Norse mythology, strapped to a rock by his son's intestines.

Gruesome story, to be sure, but merely a story. A fable. The folklore of his own country had plenty of gruesome stories, told both to children and adults, so he paid it no mind. Loki might have simply been misunderstood, their verity clouded by whom they played on stage.

Then again, Hogun was no fool, even if he often felt like one. Loki's enticing nature could have done away with his mind, and he could have blamed them for his increasing need to play music. But, the truth was, Hogun was tired, and he was getting old. If seeing a few shows by such a dazzling person could have prompted him to do something, he was glad for it. And, he knew, it was merely a bust to the desire that he'd had, something that he hadn't ever lost, though he might have forgotten it due to circumstances he’d spared a thought for only in his most miserable moments.

Unwilling to go down that particular rabbit hole, as he was sitting there, on the soft carpet cross legged, he had a thought that he might instead like to go for a walk, despite Norway's incessant cold. He'd come back from work, for the first time in ages feeling less tired and with less of an imprint of the work he'd been staring at for hours.

Yes, he might go for a walk.

Leaving the guitar safely behind with some parting words for Lizard, Hogun ventured outside, wrapped up in his coat, scarf, and a knitted black cap. As soon as he was outside, he lit his cigarette, the puff of smoke indistinguishable from the warm air seeping from his mouth into the cold, and began walking.

The quiet of the town was welcome then, and his body welcomed the walk. He'd definitely been ignoring his need to do something, anything other than sit at his desk, for far too long.

Now, Hogun wasn't one to believe in serendipitous coincidences, but when he reached the bridge on the river's edge, and he saw them, reclining on the rails, he thought he just might. Loki wasn't alone this time. They were surrounded by a variety of people, though their manner of approach was not the same as when they were performing.

No, this was more relaxed, engaged almost personably. These were, Hogun realized, his friends.

Regardless of this unlikely meeting in a town not at all small, Hogun turned around, Sigyn's words ringing in his ears. He wasn't a stalker, he wasn't one to get obsessive over anyone, and he wasn't about to start.

However, it was too late.

He'd barely walked a few steps away before he heard someone running up to him, clasping him on the shoulder before he could even react.

"Hey!" Loki spoke, and Hogun turned, resigned to his fate. Loki might as well proclaim him a strange person and never speak to him again.

"Uh ... hello." Hogun said, grimacing a little at himself.

Loki was looking at him strangely, though barely a second passed before his expression relaxed, and they said: "Fancy seeing you. What an unlikely event, don't you think?"

Hogun just about expected them to grin, as they seemed wont to do, but Loki's expression was open, nothing at all in it to suggest his presence was unwanted.

"I never take walks." Hogun said the first thing that was on his mind, feeling intensely awkward, while Loki simply laughed a little.

"Good to know." Loki said.

Only then did Hogun's brain begin to work again, and he noticed Loki was hardly wearing anything, a mere coat from when they'd met before, black over a black shirt.

No scarf, hat, or gloves. They must be a native resident, Hogun concluded, though he then noticed Loki seemed to expect him to say something else.

"Yes, uh, this is unlikely." He said, smartly.

Loki gave him a small contemplative smile, "I suppose, fates must have wanted us to meet. They can be quite prickly."

Their hair was in a ponytail again, Hogun noticed but, this time around, they had their thin lips painted black. Their nails too.

"Like what you see?" Loki asked and, oh, there was that grin.

Hogun had two choices right then, he thought. Either he would be honest, or he would shut this down right then and there. For however foolish he felt in Loki's presence, certainly even he did not misunderstand that this was a come on of some sort. Had been, since their second cigarette.

"I do." Hogun said, though he could say nothing more.

"Good." Loki said, sparing not a turnaround for his friends, "Then take me home."

                                                        

***

 

Hogun began thinking that he wasn't a little mad: he was very very mad, as he unlocked the doors to his apartment and let Loki in, shutting them behind him and staying there for far too long, gathering his thoughts. By the time hd turned around and walked from his hallway into his living room Loki was already there, sprawled on his couch.

"Do you want uh ... a drink?" Hogun asked, and Loki nodded.

"Whatever you have, as long as it's strong." They said.

Hogun nodded, and came back with a bottle of vodka. Norway wasn't a friend to drinkers, but it had it's fair share of quality imported vodka. Loki seemed to like it, anyway, because they drunk their shot in one go, asking for another. Hogun obliged.

"I like this." Loki said, "Clear, tangy. We haven't got anything like that in Asgård."

Hogun didn't think he'd heard that right, or else Loki was just teasing him again, so he said nothing, pouring himself another shot as well.

"You don't do this often, do you?" Loki asked, and Hogun didn't have to ask the meaning of that question.

He didn't. Not in a long time had he had someone over, not for the purpose he thought this might have been for.

"Lonely man. " Loki mumbled, "Are you lonely?"

"No." Hogun said, and he really wasn't. He had Lizard, after all.

"I see." Loki said, their expression somber, "I like your book collection." they suddenly said, focusing on the rather large closet of shelves behind Hogun.

"Yes, I ..."

Loki got up then, presumably to observe his collection of books more closely. Hogun didn't really have all of his books here, and what he did have he'd already read a few times over. He should get more books, Hogun mused, as Loki hummed, leaning forwards as if to see better.

"I don't know of many of these titles." Loki said, "But I did enjoy this one."

"Oh god.“ Hogun gasped, feeling his cheeks reddening, "Sigyn got me that. She'd said she hoped I would need it one day."

"Oh?" Loki said, glancing at the book in their hands, "Perhaps she was giving you a sign."

Hogun shook his head, "No, no ... we are friends. I don't, I'm ... "

Laughing a little, Loki put the book back, "Say no more. Though, it would seem Sigyn and I have more in common than I thought. Maybe she  _is_  my wife reincarnated."

His mouth suddenly going dry, Hogun felt himself losing words as surely as whatever vestiges of bravery or foolishness allowed him to invite Loki into his apartment in the first place. With that damn book illuminated vividly in his mind, Hogun could no longer ignore the tension that arose from his silence. Loki remained standing by the book shelves, examining their fingernails as if they were at least as interesting as that perverted book.

Fuck.

"Uh, do you want more?" Hogun asked, brandishing the vodka bottle, to which Loki merely shrugged and walked back to his place on the sofa.

Hogun's hands were a little shaky as he poured Loki another shot, and he dared not look up. He was at least ten years older than Loki and yet, there he was, trembling like a teenager about to get his first peck on the cheek from the person he likes.

Fuck.

"You're nervous." Loki astutely commented.

Hogun decided to be bold, and perhaps rude, but if this was to be more than a peck on the cheek, he had to ask, though he could barely mumble: "What's your real name?"

If he had to name Loki's expression it would have been disbelief, their eyebrows turned up and their eyes open. However, soon their expression shifted into something quieter and tamer, as they played around with their glass of vodka, the liquid sloshing around with the movements of their hand.

"I don't make it a habit of revealing my identity to overeager fans." Loki said.

"I am not an overeager fan." Hogun said, struggling somewhat with his pronunciation, "You came to me."

"So I have." Loki agreed, "I suppose you're right. I am weak for a good looking man, as you know, in a suit even more so. But you are a fan, are you not? Three of my shows in a row, looking at me with those wide eyes of yours, as if you mean to devour me."

Perhaps Hogun would have continued to be embarrassed, had he not felt himself becoming a bit more irritated instead. If Loki was the one to play games, Hogun wasn't the one to participate.

"You can leave whenever you want." Hogun said, "And you can tell me never to see you again, and I won't."

"So cold." Loki complained, lounging still on the sofa, "Ah, perhaps I read you wrong. Though you do seem sort of stiff."

One truth, Hogun would give him that. He could practically feel his shoulders standing tensely up, even with the aid of the vodka, and his back nearly unnaturally straight. Loki suddenly seemed too precarious, too troublesome, as Sigyn had said. He didn't mean for this to be so ... revealing.

"Okay." Loki said, their voice soft, "I could tell you, though you may well not believe me. My name is Loki, truly, and I am not from Earth."

"You're right." Hogun said, "I don't believe you. I heard you were keen on playing pranks, but ... I thought, seeing you up there, there was something honest. Something beyond the ... beyond the play. Perhaps not."

Uncomfortable, he was so uncomfortable. Still, Hogun sat, unmoving, unwilling to seem even more naive than Loki might have already thought. As it stood, however, Hogun would likely bore Loki or scare them away; or his blunt nature, one of the reasons for which he spoke so rarely, would undue him instead.

But then, Loki's expression turned, darkened, even, and they shifted from relaxed to tense as they lowered their legs onto the floor, no longer lounging freely. The glass of vodka lay forgotten on the table.

"There is much to see of me, beyond the play, as you say." Loki said, voice distant, "But ... a magician never reveals their tricks."

They smirked, all the traces of their troubled expression gone and Hogun thought, oh, nevermind. For all Hogun knew, this  _would_  be their last night. And he meant it, if Loki said he never wanted to see him again, he would go. He would not allow the disgrace to follow him as he followed Loki but he had this night, tonight.

Nerves on fire, Hogun stood from the floor and sat by Loki, allowing him not a moment, before he leaned in for a kiss. Loki reciprocated, eager, possibly also tired of talking.

This was good, better yet, because talking rarely resulted in anything good, Hogun could attest to that.

 

 ***


	3. My Guitar, Electric

Hogun woke up feeling a strange mixture of relaxed and in pain, as last night's vodka came to take his head to task. Still, he took a moment to breathe before he fully opened his eyes, something he hadn't done in ages.

When he did finally open his eyes, Hogun saw that the other side of his bed was empty and Loki was nowhere in sight. Sighing, his eyes closing against the light peering from the edges of the curtained window, Hogun supposed this should not have surprised him. If Loki did only see him as an overeager fan, as they'd said, then this really would have been the only night they'd spend together like this.

It hadn't felt that way, despite Loki's words, but perhaps he was just desperate. Maybe he  _was_ a little bit lonely, Hogun mused as he got up, wincing at the piercing pain in his temples. Glancing at the clock, he was glad to see he would not be late for work if he hurried.

Hogun took a quick shower in the adjacent bathroom and dressed in one of his dreary suits, pointedly not thinking of Loki's appreciation for them. As put together as he was going to get, he went to the kitchen, where he pretended that he didn't feel a small pang of hope that he'd see Loki there, drinking his coffee or eating his food.

He should call Sigyn, Hogun thought. Go out with her after work, somewhere else. Let his mind go in the ease of her presence. Otherwise, he knew, he'd keep thinking of Loki's peculiarly cold, yet soft, skin, and the glitter in their greenish blue eyes.

Damn it.

Scoffing at himself and his thoughts, Hogun shut the doors to his apartment and ventured out, knowing an unpleasant ride with a bus during rush hour was waiting for him, courtesy of his broken car.

But then, when his gaze trailed off from the knob of the entrance doors, incredibly, there Loki was, sitting on a bench opposite his apartment building, smoking a cigarette. Once Loki noticed him their lips widened into a wicked grin. Hogun stood there, dumbfounded for a moment, before he gathered his bearings and managed to saunter over to the bench.

"Thought I was gone, didn't you?" Loki teased, "I admire your restraint."

Hogun huffed out an exhale, taking a cigarette out from his own pack, sensing he would need it, even as his stomach revolted at the smell.

"Were you testing me?" Hogun asked, feeling intensely foolish.

Loki burst into a short lived chuckle, saying: "Maybe. I did sort of imply my presence would not be permanent. But I like you, so I stayed. Are you happy?"

"Why are you out here?" Hogun asked, halfway between confused and a little annoyed.

Loki shrugged, "You didn't smoke in your apartment last night, I thought it might not be allowed."

Hogun somehow doubted Loki cared at all for what was allowed and what wasn't. Deciding he was just being teased again, Hogun collected himself, stowing away a little bit of gladness he indeed felt for having seen Loki, and said: "I have to go to work."

"Oh," Loki said, their grin fading, "I forget some people have morning jobs."

"Most people do." Hogun simply said, though he felt it would be rude to just up and leave, so he said: "You can stay in my apartment ... uh, if you want to. Until I come back."

"I have a home, you know." Loki said.

Coughing up stray cigarette smoke, Hogun amended: "Of course, uh ... "

"But hey, your place is much nicer." Loki said, "It has a calmness to it. And I do like your lizard, what's its name?"

"Lizard."

"Lizard? Really?"

"Yes."

Loki was laughing at him again. Hogun didn't think he was an especially funny man but he either was, or Loki was merely easily amused.

"Let me guess," Loki said, reclining on the bench, "Sigyn gifted you the lizard because she thought you needed company, and then you didn't know what to do with it."

"She did, but I like him." Hogun defended, feeling a little put upon. So what if he hadn't ever thought of getting a pet before one was foisted on him? He liked Lizard, they understood each other.

"Did she gift you with everything you own?" Loki teased, "Is she your sugar mommy?"

"What?"

"What what?" Loki parroted, and Hogun began to feel dizzy.

"I don't know what that means." Hogun explained, trying valiantly to sound indifferent, rather than embarrassed or affronted.

However, Loki seemed to see it anyway, for their next words were: "Ah, I'm sorry. I tend to pick at people. People I don't like, sometimes, people I like, almost always."

It took Hogun a second to realize the implication of Loki's words, or rather their strange honesty, but at that point his throat felt closed up and his nerves sufficiently on fire. Also, he had finished his cigarette and was in danger of his hands becoming fidgety.

"I need to go to work." Hogun said, "I'm late."

If Loki was offended, they didn't show it. Instead, they shrugged, their own cigarette long since extinguished. But, Hogun should have probably known they wouldn't just leave it at that, or leave entirely.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Loki asked, their voice softened. If this was their provocation, Hogun couldn't tell.

Nor could he respond.

Loki frowned, though in a blink their expression relaxed, and their lips thinned up, "Okay. See you at some other serendipitous point then."

Hogun could only nod, frozen as he'd suddenly become, some distant part of him wanting to acknowledge and repeat that moment of his own honesty that had opened up this awkward exchange, but it was as though a thick sticky substance had coated his mouth, his throat.

Not altogether a new thing for him, Hogun managed a thought, as he helplessly watched Loki's retreating back, wondering if he'd see them gone in a puff of smoke. But, Loki simply kept walking, until they were out of sight.

They hadn't turned around.

 

***

 

"I fucked up." Hogun related to Sigyn that very night, over a round of drinks.

"Loki obviously baited you." Sigyn said, "So don't feel too bad about it. If they'd wanted to stay, they would have."

Of course, Sigyn was often level headed and frank, a characteristic Hogun liked and appreciated, though he felt that it did not help his current situation.

Hogun grasped desperately for the words with which to explain what had happened, what he thought Loki might have meant, but he felt them escape as surely as the certainty that he'd see them again.

"Man," Sigyn sighed, rolling her eyes, "Just drink this and relax. What else has happened since we last spoke? This can't have been the only thing."

That  _was_  the only thing, Hogun thought, feeling maybe a twinge pathetic.

"Lizard is doing well." He ended up saying, " I've ... started playing my guitar again."

"Exciting." Sigyn drawled, though it wasn't malicious, "Anything else? Okay then, here's what I've got ..."

Sigyn proceeded to tell him of an anecdote involving a beautiful woman and her indoor vegetable garden, something which prompted her to buy a basil plant. Hogun dutifully nodded when appropriate, and he really was listening, but a part of him still went back to sense memory of the night prior, and that morning.

Serendipitous point, Loki had said.

"Do you believe in luck, Sigyn?" Hogun asked, once she'd finished her story and they'd fallen into silence.

"No." Sigyn immediately answered, though her expression turned thoughtful as she said: „I don't believe in abstract luck, but I do believe in self made luck. If that makes sense.“

"So you're saying I should go to their next show?" Hogun asked, and Sigyn blanched.

"No, you lovesick moron! I just mean, you need to take control of your life. You can't leave your boring job, fine, but you can do something, anything else, in your free time. Drinks with me, for example, already a good start."

Oh, he had no grace, no tact, and no luck, Hogun thought despondently, and it must have shown, because Sigyn huffed out a sigh and ordered them another round of beers.

"I get it." She said, once she had her refill, "We gravitate towards what we admire, and we tend to trust it almost implicitly. But you can't obsess over it."

"But I fucked up ... " Hogun insisted, his expression twisting, "I ... I can't speak right, or at all ... Loki is probably insecure, like me, so they asked me again, to be sure ... "

Sigyn laughed a little, which shut him right up. Pathetic, Hogun thought.

"I'm sorry." Sigyn said, "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at your assumptions. Does Loki look like someone who is insecure?"

"The stage is different." Hogun simply said, and Sigyn shrugged.

"Fine then." She said, "We'll go to their next show. But, promise me you'll at least keep playing your guitar."

Hogun nodded, though he felt it best not to say that he couldn't truly play it, not in the confines of his small apartment. Beyond the simple fact that it felt as if the walls were caving in on him, every time he tried to let it all go he found he could not.

However, bolstered some by Sigyn's earnest ultimatum, Hogun researched places he could rent, somewhere that wasn't so densely populated, where he could play. Truthfully, he wasn't certain he'd be able to do it anywhere else either, but ...

Fuck it.

He called the owner of one such place at the outskirts of town, and managed a deal for an empty storage space.

The very next day after work he met with the woman he was renting the space from, got his set of keys, and called Sigyn.

"Your car is still broken?" She asked, sounding somewhat disbelieving.

That was another story Hogun didn't care to talk about, so he simply thanked Sigyn for the ride to the storage space and her help with the speakers. They weren't particularly heavy, but carrying all the equipment in public transport would have been an anxiety fueled hassle.

Sigyn, intuitive as she was, didn't ask to stay. Hogun knew he would freeze if anybody at all was watching, a rather uncommendable trait for a once aspiring musician, but he was inclined to maybe give himself some more time. One step a day, he thought, surprised and sort of pleased he'd managed to think of it convincingly enough to not call off the whole thing.

Once everything was plugged in, and he'd tested the sound, Hogun began to cautiously play. At first, his fingers were stiff and his playing was off, but the more he did it, the less he ached and the less he thought.

This was music to him, a sense of calm, a sense of floating ... the slow building sizzle growing and falling and growing again ... Hogun lost himself to the electric noise, losing finally the ever present pressure of time, and he could even begin to feel as if his body no longer weighed him down.

But then, through closed eyes, the darkness broke in a burst, and when he opened them, the space was void of light, and he could feel the skin of his fingers burnt.

 

***

 

Saturday came, and Hogun was re-thinking the whole thing. For one, he was having trouble buttoning up his dress shirt with his bandaged hands and, secondly, his embarrassment from the last time he'd spoken with Loki weighed heavily on him and his stomach.

Even if his primary goal was to apologize, and going to their show was the only way Hogun knew of to contact Loki, he still felt like a creep for it. His presence would likely be unwanted, and he had promised himself that he would not follow after Loki, that he wouldn't chase someone for the sake of his own selfishness.

And yet, to not go to Loki's show seemed somehow worse. For as childish and pathetic as he felt for it, there was another truth to his need to go and it was simply to see Loki again. Hogun could already hear Sigyn's exasperated sigh before the thought even formed in his mind but she agreed to go with him, so at least he wouldn't be a  _lone_  creep.

Giving up on the dress shirt, Hogun put a regular long sleeved shirt on with an added layer of a sweater. Sigyn would come for him any minute, he could practically hear the clock ticking desperately loudly as he lowered himself down opposite his lizard's habitat, staring at the calm creature longingly, wishing they could change places.

"Are you in my corner, Lizard?" Hogun asked, "Or do you agree with Sigyn?"

Predictably, the lizard did not respond, and the clock kept ticking away until his doorbell rang, startling him badly.

Scrambling for his coat and shoes, Hogun put them on sloppily and rushed down to where Sigyn was waiting. Hogun was pretty sure he stopped breathing when he'd entered her car, despite his running, though Sigyn smiled at him kindly, and he exhaled.

"Ready to party?" Sigyn asked, grinning wide.

"Yeah ... " Hogun said, though the real answer was: No, hell no.

Instead of firing up her car, Sigyn began rummaging through her bag, coming up with a flask.

"Vodka." Sigyn said, extending him the flask, "To help with your precious nerves. Honestly, I feel like I'm taking my child to a date."

Hogun took a large swig of the liquor, wiping his mouth as he rasped out: "You don't have children."

"Bah, whatever." Sigyn said, finally firing up the car, "I'd be a great mother if I did."

Their drive was not long. Loki's venue this time around was the same as the one from before, likely they had a contract with the place for Saturdays, and so Hogun had less time to stew in anxiety in the car, and more time to stew in anxiety outside.

This time as well there was a group of people outside, since the show hadn't started yet. Hogun was glad for the extra layers as he sat down on a crate with Sigyn, who procured another flask for herself from her bag.

"Cheers." She said, lifting her flask up and taking a sip.

Hogun had already drunk half of his. Certain his cheeks were red because of that, and the cold, he imagined himself even more like a creepy stalker. A creepy drunken stalker. Not even vodka could help with that, Hogun thought desperately, and he could feel Sigyn staring at him, which only made his stomach twist worse.

„You know, it's amazing how little of what I know is going on in your anxiety ridden head actually shows.“ Sigyn said, „But you know I know, and I know you know that I know, so you better drink more and, please, breathe.“

Hogun did as asked, though that only made him feel marginally better. The show was going to start soon and he thought he should have just come at the very end, expressed his apology and promised never to see Loki again, nor creep on him in clubs.

"You're blowing this whole thing way out of proportion, Hogun." Sigyn said, as if she'd read his thoughts.

Sighing, Sigyn added: "If Loki is so vulnerable as to be offended by that minor slight in communication, then you're probably better off without them."

Hogun tried for another long inhale and exhale, saying: "I'm not worried that they are offended. I'm worried ... that I hurt them."

"Worried, worried, worried ..." Sigyn mumbled. Perhaps she too was beginning to feel drunk, "You know, just ... go in there, enjoy Loki's show, I know I will, and then we'll worry about the rest, okay?"

"Okay." Hogun reluctantly agreed.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, at this point, I guess I should mention that I'm borrowing parts of Hogun's story and character from two specific Tadanobu Asano movies: "Last Life in the Universe" and "Electric Dragon 80000v", hence the guitar. Also, if you're unfamiliar with "Last Life in the Universe", then you can also possibly expect mentions of attempted suicide in the later chapter/s.


	4. Heavy Padding

The show was electric, as usual. Loki wore what they normally did on stage, their signature glossy black and green dress with a black fur coat this time, makeup applied generously on their pale face. Hogun was mesmerized except that, this time, he felt miserable for it.

When the show ended and the crowd began to leave, presumably to pile up outside, Hogun did not exit with them. Feeling his shirt dripping with sweat both from the heat of the previously crowded space and his own mulling thoughts, Hogun stayed by the bar, hoping he'd manage to spot Loki.

But, once Loki was off the stage, they weren't to be seen anywhere else. Sigyn told him they weren't outside either, and Hogun began to think their first meeting really was some sort of a strange turn of this abstract luck Sigyn did not believe in. Just as he was about ready to give up, a tall bald man came up to them, the only current guests in this space, and Hogun prepared himself to tell the man that he didn't need to kick them out, that they were leaving.

However, the man said this instead: "Are you Hogun?"

Hogun took a moment to process this, so Sigyn said: "He is. You need him for something?"

Always quick to jump to his defense, Hogun thought, as the man stood there silent, unbothered by Sigyn's protective stance. The man looked him over with a judgmental look under which Hogun felt himself growing predictably more nervous.

"You look way too put together to be Loki's usual target." The man said, "But whatever. Loki asked me to get you, he's waiting for you outside."

Hogun looked to Sigyn, who simply shrugged.

"Go on then." She said, leaning in to whisper: "Good luck, and call me if you need a ride."

Bewildered, feeling his stomach drop without Sigyn by his side, Hogun followed the man through the back entrance and towards ... a car? Hogun would normally deem this suspicious, a luxurious black car in a dark alley, but then he saw that Loki was indeed there, sitting in the backseat.

"Come on." The man said, ushering him in, "I'm way past my shift already."

Hogun complied without thinking, flopping onto the backseat next to Loki. Immediately, before he'd even seen them, Hogun felt that intoxicating scent mixed with leather and whatever vestiges of smoke and sweat remained from their show. However, when it came time to look up, Hogun could not. The man started the car, and Hogun stared dumbly down until Loki's long black fingernails and elegant fingers came upon his sight, lifting his head up by the chin.

Forced to look, Hogun did, and, oh fuck.

"I thought you wouldn't come." Loki said in a near whisper, letting their arm fall back to their side.

Not knowing what to say, Hogun remained staring, and he knew he was staring too long already but he could not tear his eyes away from Loki. There was something in their eyes, a kind of sadness that he hadn't so far seen.

It seemed unreal, but maybe Loki was worried too.

"I ... " Hogun spoke, coughing to clear his throat, looking away and down, his arms stiff to his sides, "I apologize. Sometimes ... I can't speak. It feels like someone stole my voice."

"I see." Loki said, "I've never had that problem."

Hogun frowned, unable to look back up. Was this it? Perhaps now he would be asked to leave. But no, Loki had just said he didn't think he would come see them. Was he interpreting this whole thing wrong? Was he blowing it out of proportion as Sigyn had said? Was she right? Ah, stupid thought, she was always right ...

"You think too much." Loki said, breaking him out of this unfortunate train of thought.

Daring a glance up, Hogun saw Loki's expression near but mirrored his own.

"Normally, I wouldn't say that's a bad thing." Loki added, "But, with you, perhaps it is. You need to relax."

"Sigyn says that to me all the time." Hogun managed to mumble and then, blessedly, Loki's expression softened and they gave him a small smile.

"She's smart." Loki said, "Yes. I used to have someone like her in my life too."

"Your wife?" Hogun asked, reaching for a joke.

Loki's voice, however, sounded terribly sad as they said: "No, no. No wife. It was someone else."

Hogun wished he was a better man who wouldn't immediately fret over who this person was. Loki had the right not to tell him, Hogun admonished his stupid brain. Taking a deep breath, thinking it must help him somehow, he exhaled longer, and properly looked up at Loki only to find that they now looked amused.

"Listen, I may be mean, but I do have some compassion to spare." Loki said, "I know you can't just relax when you're told to. So, let me help you."

Before Hogun could otherwise react to those words, Loki pulled him in by the chin again and kissed him. There was very short moment where Hogun couldn't help but freeze, though a second later the scent of Loki and their soft lips pulled him further in and he simply could not let himself turn away.

"Loki, don't fuck in my car, please." The man's voice interrupted them, and Hogun did end up pulling away, his cheeks reddening, while Loki merely shrugged.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Said Loki, and the man groaned.

Hogun grit his teeth, not wanting to think about that, so he focused on the passing scenery outside of the car. They soon fell into a relatively uncomfortable silence. Hogun could practically feel the heat in his body, nerves on fire, since Loki's proximity in this small space did not allow for him to entirely shut out his surroundings.

Luckily, the rest of the drive was quick. The man stopped the car in front of an apartment building in a neighborhood Hogun did not recognize, though he did note that Loki's building looked, well, shabby, for lack of a better word. This really only solidified Hogun's guilt for not confirming that Loki could, indeed, stay in his apartment.

"Come on." Loki said, placing his arm on Hogun's back, leading him inside.

Hogun pretended Loki's hand on his back wasn't an added fire to his already burning body, even if he did not think he particularly succeeded. He could feel Loki's smirk, confirming that they did sport one, when he chanced a glance.

When they climbed up to Loki's apartment on creaky stairs and stood in front of the doors to their apartment, Hogun swallowed thickly and told himself he would keep calm, no matter what. Of course, when Loki opened the doors, their hand leaving Hogun's back to do so, and he was let in, he could scarcely stop himself from gasping, eyes wide.

The inside of Loki's apartment was nothing like the outside. Whereas the building looked like it was falling apart, the facade breaking, its previously certainly vibrant color having long since faded, mold stains marring both the outside and the inside walls, Loki's apartment was practically shining.

Pristinely clean, white walls surrounding a luxurious looking living room with a big black leather sofa and an adjacent kitchen with spotless cupboards and a bar table with bar stools; all of it appearing as though it was new, as if Loki had just bought them. There was a large window behind Loki, at the far end of the room, strangely looking much bigger than the windows did from the outside. The sofa itself was covered with way too many pillows and, oh ...

Hogun assumed the doors to his right and left led, respectively, to the bedroom and the bathroom, both, he reasoned, likely having the same appearance of luxury.

"Like it?" Loki asked, grinning as they moved away from Hogun, spreading their arms wide as if to brag.

Well, they did have something to brag about, Hogun thought, thinking of why in someone with an apartment like this would want to stay in his comparatively dreary and inexpensive space.

Realizing he forgot to answer, Hogun said. "Yes ... uh, very different from the outside."

Loki shrugged, looking around, "Well painted walls do wonders for a room."

However, for some reason, Loki kept on staring at him kind of like they were expecting another reaction or a comment. Hogun could barely think for the intensity of Loki's gaze, his throat predictably closing up.

Exhaling, Loki said: "Can I offer you a drink? Whatever you wish."

"Vodka, please." Hogun said, feeling sure he wanted something strong at least.

Loki nodded, saying: "Won't you sit?"

Hogun did, moving some of the pillows away from the sofa so he wouldn't squash them. Still, he could not quite let himself lounge so he sat awkwardly at the end of the sofa, back straight. From this vantage point he could see Loki rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen, though he could not see what was within them.

They came back with a clear liquid in two shot glasses, placing the bottle itself as well on the small, sturdy looking, wooden coffee table. Loki drunk their shot immediately, so Hogun did too.

"Excuse me," Loki said, lowering the glass carefully back onto the table, "I need to take this whole thing off."

Stupidly, only then did Hogun notice Loki's rather heavy padding, the outline of their breasts falling snug within the tight dress, their hips wider than they were when they were out of drag. Within the confines of the club lights, and his own mind being so occupied by Loki's entire presence Hogun had scarcely noticed it, though he did know it was a common thing.

"Would you rather I stay like this?" Loki asked, eyebrows up and lips upturned.

It sounded like a challenge, or maybe it was just a simple question. Hogun assumed, from what little he did know of drag, that Loki would likely be a little bit more comfortable if they did just dress into something casual.

Still, he said: "I ... uh, it's fine. Whatever you want."

"So polite." Loki said, promptly turning away.

Once Loki was out of sight, in their bedroom probably, Hogun managed to relax, if only a little. He didn't know if it would be so polite to pour himself another shot but he did it anyway, making sure he poured the same amount into Loki's glass too.

When Loki emerged from their bedroom they were wearing a flowing robe and black pajamas underneath. But they looked like they were still wearing their padding and, was their face somehow softer than before, or was Hogun already drunk? Blinking to clear his vision, Hogun placed his shot glass back onto the table, deciding he had had enough.

"You're not going to drink?"

There was that small smile again. Loki was looking at him with a strangely amused expression. It felt as if they were waiting for him to say something other than an answer to their question, but Hogun had no idea what he was supposed to say.

"I'll make you something else." Loki said, "Do you like cocktails?"

Hogun just nodded. He'd never had any, so he didn't know. Loki's smile widened as they turned towards the kitchen, rummaging once more through its many cupboards.

"Should I help?" Hogun asked, but Loki waved him off.

"This is a delicate process." Loki explained, "Besides, it's a treat for you, from me."

So, Hogun sat still. Quicker than expected, however, Loki came back with two long glasses filled with a dark pink liquid, garnished by sugar and a lemon wedge. They placed the glasses delicately onto the table, and motioned for Hogun to take his.

"Thank you." Hogun said, promptly taking a sip and finding that he did like it, whatever it was.

Loki looked pleased, so that was also good. For the first few sips Loki was sitting cross legged on the plush carpet opposite him, but they soon relocated to the sofa, sitting to his right. Hogun could not help but glance at the padding, finding that it had an amazingly real appearance, not that Hogun really knew what padding typically looked like.

"You like to stare." Loki said, and Hogun inwardly cursed.

"Sorry." He said, "I ... "

"I don't mind." Loki interjected, "Though I love to be praised with more than ones eyes."

Oh, there was definitely something just different enough about Loki to be noticeable. Barring just the smallest difference in the soft curve of their strong jawline, there seemed to be a trace of that softness everywhere, even in the way Loki was sitting, their long hair (was it always that long?) falling over their silk robe.

"Your ... uh, your driver, he called you  "he", did I ... I'm sorry, if I ... " Hogun awkwardly mumbled, though Loki simply shrugged.

"Skurge is simple-minded. He only sees me as a man." Loki said.

Nodding, Hogun took a sip of Loki's cocktail, blurting out: "The padding ... it looks very real."

Loki let out a rather uproarious laugh that didn't seem to stop. Eyes somewhat teary from it, they said: "Recall how I said you think too much? Let me amend: you think too much about the wrong things."

Hogun likely looked sufficiently confused for Loki to spare him having to respond, because a second later they smiled and said: "How about we play a little game?"

"Uh ... what game?" Hogun asked, expecting Loki to brandish a board game of some sorts.

For some reason, Hogun thought Loki might be good at playing chess. If that was to be the game they played, Hogun would be so fucked. He was never any good at it, or any game like it.

"Relax." Loki said, "Drink your cocktail."

Hogun did, drinking more probably in one gulp than he should have, than Loki's finely made cocktail deserved.

"It's a simple game." Loki said, "Besides, I need to relax a little myself.“

The game did sound deceptively simple as Loki began explaining it. However, Hogun could not tell why he felt such a sense of trepidation regardless. 

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi, Loki made Hogun a "Blushing Lady" vodka cocktail.


	5. Three Lies

"What happened to your hands?" Loki asked, looking pointedly at Hogun's bandages.

Clearly, he would be the first to go. Hogun wasn't totally sure of how this game was played, but Loki had said he was just supposed to tell one truth and two lies. Simple enough, right?

Hoping he could actually think well enough on his feet to think of two lies, Hogun said: "One, the switch blew up. Second ... uh, the speaker wires short circuited. Three, I ... that always happens when I play ... longer than a few minutes."

"You're really bad at this." Loki said, playing around with the cocktail glass, "Three."

Hogun wanted to deny it, and he kind of wished he'd thought of three lies instead. But, there was something about Loki's earnest gaze and they looked like they wanted to know more, so Hogun explained: "For some reason, whenever I play, really play, I can feel electricity all around me. Usually, I destroy lights in the room, or my speakers break."

"I see." Loki mused, looking him over as if this information meant something else to them. Taking a sip of their drink, Loki said: "My turn. What do you want to ask me?"

There was a kind of lascivious tone in the way Loki drawled out the question. However, Hogun was presently still barely keeping it together on the very end of Loki's sofa, his brain well and truly stuck.

"What's uh ... your favorite color?"

"Really?" Loki asked, eyes wide, "That's what you're wasting your turn on?"

Hogun shrugged, as much as he could for how stiff his shoulders felt.

"Okay.“ Loki said, "I suppose ... blue, red, gold."

"No green?" Hogun asked, mentally slapping himself.

Loki chuckled, "You caught me." They said, "Green is my favorite color."

"Isn't this supposed to be two lies and one truth?" Hogun asked, thinking he might have understood the game wrong.

"Yes." Loki said, "But your question bored me, so I lied.", grinning, Loki added: "Promise I won't do it again."

"Tell me, what do you feel like when you, as you said, truly play?" Loki asked.

Hogun's head was swimming a bit, though that did not stop him from taking another long sip of the vodka. He didn't want to think of his misfortune, not here, but something compelled him to answer.

"Uh ... scared, annoyed ... excited?"

Loki did not guess immediately this time, looking at Hogun as if they were trying to see beyond him, or through to him. It made Hogun feel uncomfortable, but not entirely, not exactly.

"All three are true." Loki said, looking at him pointedly, "It's perfectly normal to be scared of your abilities, as well as feel lifted up by them."

"I wouldn't say it's an ability  ... I'm not that good at it." Hogun said.

Loki's steely gaze turned amused, "Well, that's a lie. Now, my turn. Ask me anything you want."

Nervous, Hogun did not want to think of another boring question, because being boring to Loki felt rather like he was falling from a tall building onto hard concrete. Thinking on it some, Hogun decided. Maybe this would be a bold question, instead of a rude one, and Loki would answer him properly.

"Are you from Norway, originally?"

"Don't I look like I'm from here?" Loki shot back, their expression suddenly serious.

Cold sweat washed over Hogun as he tried to mumble his way out, but then Loki's expression cracked and they laughed.

"You're so easy to pick on!" Loki exclaimed, sounding rather pleased. "But, I already told you where I'm from, if you'll recall."

Hogun couldn't, in fact, recall. Downing his whole shot, he admitted: "Sorry. I don't, uh ... I don't remember."

"When you gave me vodka, back at your apartment." Loki said, "Ah, but you didn't believe me. Okay then, let's see: One, I am Norwegian. Two, I  _am_ Scandinavian, but not Norwegian. Three, I'm not from Earth."

Loki certainly sometimes appeared as if they weren't from Earth, for how their aura on stage seemed to take on almost a divine quality. And even here, in this relaxed situation, there felt something ethereal, almost unable to quite be grasped.

But that was nonsense, a lie, Hogun concluded proudly. He didn't remember where Loki was supposed to be from, his cursory search of the origin of Loki's name fading in his memory, never mind what they themselves had apparently mentioned. Hogun did recall that Loki teased him about not being from Earth, same thing they must have been doing now.

Well, bolstered by the alcohol, Hogun wasn't going to let himself be so easily picked on.

"Two." He said.

Loki smirked, looking at him as if at someone dim.

Frowning, Hogun said: "If you think I'm stupid, then why did you invite me here?"

"You're not stupid." Loki said, waving him off, "You're just human. Possibly an extraordinary one, but a human nonetheless."

"What does that mean?" Hogun asked, struggling both with the words themselves and the overall meaning.

Shrugging, Loki said: "Humans live sheltered lives. I suppose it's not your fault, you've yet to truly soar."

Hogun couldn't respond, thinking on those words uncomprehending. Why did Loki insist on playing with him like this?

"I think this game has fallen apart." Loki suddenly said, taking the last sip of their cocktail.

Thinking he was once more being inattentive, Hogun could have sworn the glass disappeared from the coffee table.

"Should I reveal my tricks to you?" Loki asked, once again asking Hogun what they should do, an answer Hogun never had, and likely never would.

Oh, he wished they could just stop talking, but the atmosphere was no longer even close to sensual. Loki was staring at him, evidently waiting for that answer. Hogun was so damn confused he could scarcely even form words at that point, fearing he would say something wrong.

"You know, normally, I would enjoy other's discomfort." Loki said, "But with you, I feel like I'm the one failing."

Wanting to bury his confusion, Hogun said: "Maybe ... we continue to play." Hoping that, somehow, if he figured out what made this game fun he could cheer Loki up and, possibly, if he payed attention and asked better question, learn more about Loki.

Giving him barely half a smile, Loki said: "Okay. Then tell me, where are you from?"

Exhaling, Hogun did his best to relax some, answering: "Uh, one: Norway ... two: America ... three, no wait, that will be two truths uh, my father is American actually, uh ... "

Fuck.

"Is it the language, or are you just unable to lie?" Loki asked, lips thinning into a grin.

"I'm bad at lying, yes." Hogun admitted, sighing.

"Then, let me guess?" Loki said, and Hogun nodded, "You're from Japan, but your father is American. That's the truth?"

"Yes." Hogun said, his thoughts straying to some bad places, he added:  "I wanted to travel. I ... in the end I ended up here. I didn't want to go back. To Japan, that is."

The "why" was clearly surfacing, based on Loki's expression, but they ended up simply nodding. They were waiting for a question, Hogun realized.

"Uh ... do you have any siblings?"

Loki didn't answer immediately. In fact, they did not answer at all, instead they asked: "Why don't you want to go back?"

"I thought ... you have to answer." Hogun said, weakly, not wanting to think about that, even if he himself had set the opening up.

"You aren't playing this game right anyway." Loki said, pouring them both more vodka.

Hogun was sort of astonished with Loki's seemingly excellent alcohol endurance, as he himself was beginning to feel just drunk enough to say what he hadn't been able to put into words before, not even with Sigyn.

"I've disappointed my father so many times ... " Hogun began, feeling his throat closing up uncomfortably, "He, uh ... he just wanted me to have a good life. I didn't listen. Also I ... when he found out some things about me, his eyes ... he never looked at me the same again."

"Found out what?" Loki prodded.

His jaw gritted, and his temples near but pounding, Hogun said: "That I ... also like men."

"I see." Loki said, "What about your mother?"

If possible, this line of questioning made Hogun even more uncomfortable. Loki's whole undivided attention kept being stubbornly poised at him, when they had yet to answer any of his questions.

"What about your mother?" Hogun threw the question back, and regretted it almost immediately for how swiftly Loki's expression fell.

"I suppose ... " Loki spoke, eyes down-turned, "I would be playing the game all wrong too if I avoided another question."

Hogun shook his head, "No ... no, if you don't want to answer, you don't have to."

"You're so nice." Loki said, "Okay then. One: My mother is the queen of Asgård, two: My mother is dead, three: I don't know who my mother is."

Now, how could Hogun begin to guess at that? Something told him this game wasn't supposed to be this sad, but then ... he did ask.

"I thought we stopped playing." Hogun ended up saying, the coward that he was.

And oh, Loki was still sporting that terribly sad and troubled expression. This whole thing was going awry so fast ... and Hogun was beginning to think, since Loki insisted so much on this fabricated tale, even in a game such as this, they were either mad or they didn't know when to stop doing ... whatever this was. But then, the look on their pale face seemed so genuine, so painful, Hogun could scarcely keep his gaze from wavering.

"I don't know who my real mother is." Loki simply said, and then they said nothing more.

The atmosphere around them fell into something sullen, as Loki added: "I suppose ... I'm less fun to be around when I'm not on stage."

"No." Hogun said, "We should ... just do something else." After all, Hogun hardly knew anyone who liked to talk about their family while drunk.

Also, the topic was even less appropriate, Hogun reasoned, if the people in question intended to have sex at some point. Fuck though, Hogun hoped he hadn't just destroyed that chance.

"You seem more troubled than I do." Loki noticed, and they sounded amused, so at least there was that.

"This game ... " Hogun said, "Not good when drunk."

"Indeed." Loki said, "And yet, I feel like I owe you at least one more answer."   

Wracking his brain to think of a question that wouldn't sour the situation further, Hogun could hear himself failing as he was once again compelled to ask: "Where are you from?"

Loki's eyes were wide and open and, even, if Hogun allowed himself to think it, earnest.

"I already asked ... should I reveal all my tricks to you? I will, if you'll just simply tell me to."

Hogun had no idea what Loki was talking about but ... oh, what the hell. He'd presently do anything to make the situation lighter. Maybe Loki was just really into role-play to go with their chosen stage name? Either way, Hogun made his decision.

"Yes. Please tell me." Hogun said, and Loki's smirk was back as the world around them flickered and, suddenly ...

The lights went out and all around them was only the freezing cold.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired somewhat by that one interview for Thor Ragnarok with Tom as Loki lmao, where he gave a lie for every question. Well, half lies, but still. It got away from me though, so that's not the case here, I think, haha.


	6. My Home is Cold

Hogun's eyes were wide as they adjusted to the dark and he could see that there was nothing in this apartment at all. The walls were bare and gray and the whole place, even for the missing furniture, seemed somehow smaller. Also, there was no heating and he was sitting on the cold ground. Before he could express what he was thinking, or even properly process it, thinking he must have been given a very potent drug or something, he heard Loki's low laugh.

"Oh, if you could see your face right now!"

Hogun's throat had presently dried out and he was pretty sure he was either dreaming or his anxiety had sky rocketed so far he was now hallucinating.

"What's  _your_  favorite color?" He heard Loki ask, and Hogun muttered a raspy: " ... brown ... "

Abruptly, the darkness vanished, falling into light until they became surrounded by light brown walls. The cold was gone and Hogun was sitting on a couch that resembled his own back at his apartment. But that was all there was. The light, Hogun had no damn idea where it was coming from ...

What the fuck?

_What the fuck?_

"Hogun, I am Loki, truly." Loki said, and Hogun just about passed out.

Suddenly feeling dangerously sober, Hogun looked around the room, trying to spot something, anything at all, that would make any sort of sense. Nothing did. Loki's form was still the same as it was before the sudden darkness and the cold and, when Hogun's eyes settled on their body properly, finally it felt as if his eyes were open.

"You are a witch!" Hogun blurted out, only just about stopping himself from pointing at Loki in confusion and indignation.

"I'm not a witch." Loki spat, grimacing, "How is that the first thing you guess?"

Okay then, Hogun thought, not a witch. Definitely not a witch. What else, what ... oh fuck. Right. 

"You're ... a god." Hogun said, feeling it was truer, though it was no less fucked up and he absolutely did not know what to say next, or even what to do with the statement that he'd just made, however true or false it might have been.

"I suppose you could say that." Loki shrugged, and then, in another blink, the room transformed back to what it was, or what Loki made it seem it was, and Loki ...

"You're ... " Hogun spoke, trying to wrap his mind around what he'd seen, "Were there drugs in that cocktail?"

"Fair question," Loki said, sighing, "But no. No drugs. Unfortunately."

Hogun believed them,  _unfortunately_ , because now he was faced with the undeniable truth of what he'd been presented with. And he wasn't so sure he could just ...

"Given your unusual relationship with electricity, I thought you might understand." Loki said, "I guess not."

What was he supposed to understand? Hogun thought, somewhat annoyed. Loki had just turned this whole room inside out and back again, had changed his body even ... and Hogun was just supposed to, what? Tell himself: never-mind this, I completely get it! Not like his life had been upturned and demolished, his sense of reality practically stomped upon by Loki ... by Loki's magic!

"I'm sorry." Hogun said, "I think ... I need a moment."

"Should I leave?" Loki asked.

"No!" Hogun rushed to add, "No ... stay here. Stay with me. If I ... if I was alone right now, I think my mind would break."

Loki looked at him with something resembling soft sympathy, as they made the vodka bottle re-materialize, full to the brim, their two shot glasses in tow. As Loki poured, Hogun felt his brain was pouring out just as surely as the clear liquor was flowing seamlessly from the bottle to the glass, held steadily in Loki's elegant hand.

"You must have read about me." Loki said, "After watching my shows."

"I didn't think it was real." Hogun said, recalling a mere glance at Loki's story, feeling sort of ashamed that he'd dismissed them so easily.

"Most of it isn't." Loki said, "My origin is relatively speculative, and I feel I was mostly used as a joke or a cautionary story. A story you tell merry men after a battle, to make them laugh, balk in disgust, or both."

Hogun didn't know what to say to that, but he sensed Loki's mind weighed heavily on him, for the sudden darkness in their expression.

"I'm an adopted child or a stolen relic, in this reality at least." Loki said, "Though, as it stands now, I'm hardly anything."

"That's not true!" Hogun hurried to protest, though words escaped him even as the tried to explain all the messy things in his head.

Smiling a crooked little smile, Loki said: "You can speak in Japanese, if you want. The Allspeak will translate for me."

"What?" Hogun gasped.

"The Allspeak." Loki repeated.

Ah, fuck it then.

"On stage you are powerful, alluring, wonderful, talented!“ Hogun said, words spilling so much easier now, "Even when you're not performing you ... there's a spirit in you, but it's calmer, softer ... sadder. You said there was much more of you to know and I ... I want to know it, I want to know everything!"

"You flatter me." Loki said.

"I'm being honest." Hogun defended, "I'm telling you how I feel." And, even as he was saying it, hurried though it was for fear that the right words would once more escape his tentative grasp, Hogun realized that it was true.

It was mad, he was mad, but he was also ... well, damn him, but he was feeling somethhing beyond as simple a word as thrill. Perhaps it was the alcohol that banished other feelings, for Hogun was reasonably sure he was supposed to be afraid now, or something. Funny enough, for once in his life, he wasn't.

Thoughtfully, Loki observed him with that same open gaze, the space around them suddenly feeling so much wider, so much bigger ... as if they were floating in a moment beyond the walls, way up, way above... Oh, Hogun hoped they wouldn't crash, they couldn't, not now.

Loki's gaze fell to his glass, which they twirled around with their fingers, and they said, in a near whisper, ever so softly: "You really are being honest. You truly believe everything you just said."

"I do." Hogun said, intending there to be no more misunderstandings.

Huffing out a weak and stilted laugh, Loki said: "Hogun, I'm a monster. Beyond everything else, that's what I am. That's what I've always been. My revealing this to you, it was an unfair test, another game of mine. I didn't think you'd stay, I didn't think you'd want to. I  _wanted_  to scare you."

"Why?" Hogun asked, feeling sort of slippery and desperate, even as he sat rooted in place unwilling to move and unwilling to escape.

"That may or may not be what I do." Loki said, "I am the trickster, after all."

Even for fear of sounding self-centered, Hogun had to ask: "Why ... why reveal yourself to me? Is it ... is it important for you that I decide to stay?"

Loki hummed, "Huh ... let me amend once more: You do sometimes think of the right things."

Choosing to not point out offense, Hogun said instead: "We haven't known each other for long. What would a god want with me?"

"Would you believe me if I told you I seem to be at least as fascinated with you as you are with me?"

"That would depend. Are you lying?"

"No." Loki said, and they even dared to look aghast at the suggestion, as if they hadn't just admitted to playing games and trickery.

Since Hogun did not want to pose another "why" question, sort of fearing Loki's answer, whatever it would end up being, he nodded, saying: "Okay."

"Okay." Loki agreed, adding: "Also, not technically a god. But I do like the moniker. I wonder ... could I possibly make you scream that word instead?"

Hogun was then, well and truly, out of words. Loki gave him that signature Loki grin, moving to drape all over him like the finest of silks, and Hogun was only too eager to let them make him scream all they wanted.

 

 ***

 

Hogun woke up to find Loki laying over him and feeling his hand, which had fallen somewhere beneath them, stiff and prickly. Luckily, Loki opened his eyes a mere few seconds later, groaning at the light coming through the window. Swiftly, with barely a motion of their hand, the heavy curtains closed around the window fully, and they breathed a sigh.

"It's so early still ... " Loki complained, "Why are you awake?"

Well, Loki had no clocks anywhere in their bedroom, their second and last location of the night prior, but based on Hogun's near perfect sense of inner time, he guessed it wasn't early at all.

"It's around eleven, isn't it?" Hogun asked, glancing once more around the room as if a clock would spontaneously appear and validate his guess.

Loki groaned, shifting away, "There's coffee in the kitchen somewhere ... "

Hogun nodded wordlessly, seeing that Loki would likely continue sleeping, but he himself could not, courtesy of so many working years waking up much earlier than this. As he was leaving the bedroom Hogun halfway expected he would enter a solid empty space instead of a kitchen, as if Loki's absence from the room would make it so. But the kitchen was there, and so was the living room, unchanged from what Loki had made it look.

Seeing as how Loki was apparently able to make drinks materialize essentially out of nothing, Hogun was surprised to find that there was coffee in the cupboards, and all the supplies you’d otherwise find in an ordinary kitchen cabinet. There was also quite an impressive array of vrious teas, but Hogun settles for what he needed, which was coffeine.

Pondering further on the apartment’s luxurious décor as he was making his coffee, Hogun wondered if gods even had such things as money, or any need of it. Perhaps, they all simply made their space be whatever they needed or wanted it to be. Realizing he had a few curiosities already for Loki's professed nature, Hogun felt himself growing that old familiar sense of anxious and uncertain.

He shouldn't prod Loki for more information, Hogun felt, feeling certain at least in that there were many more secrets Loki had that they would likely not share with him. Besides, and it was somewhat of a sordid thought, what were two or so nights spent together for a god? Then again, Hogun recalled, Loki did not say they were a god, not exactly.

What were they then, if they weren't a god?

Sensing his thoughts would only stray away from him Hogun waited for the water to boil, grinding coffee grains, resolutely attempting to breathe evenly, as he waited for Loki to join him. However, even after Hogun had drunk his cup of coffee, and the rest had long since cooled down, Loki still hadn't woken up.

Inexplicably worried, though not wanting to intrude, Hogun debated whether to go check on them or simply stay and wait. Or even leave, perhaps that was what Loki expected, or wanted. But, they hadn't said so ... they had barely said anything.

Hogun tried not to pace like a frantic rabbit even as he saw himself failing, so he tried to focus his attention elsewhere. Last night he'd been distracted, understandably so, he thought, but now, in the new light of a new morning, Hogun saw that Loki also had quite an extensive collection of books stashed away on a myriad of shelves to the far right of the living room, next to the big window.

Curious, Hogun walked up to it, observing the titles, though he was unable to read them. It must have been in Loki's language, which did resemble Norwegian, but was definitely not the same, not even close. He didn't know why he felt compelled to touch one of the books, not that touching it would make it magically understandable. Doing just that, as soon as Hogun's fingers touched one of the book's spines a sudden bright light went off and he jumped back.

"I magick them to appear like one of your Midgardian books, but since I told you who I am I didn't bother." Loki said, appearing suddenly in the living room, "You can't touch them though, nobody can except for me."

"I'm sorry." Hogun said, wincing at himself for apologizing again.

"No need." Loki said, waving him off, "I know weren't trying to steal them."

Inching ever closer, Hogun could feel Loki's breath on his neck as they asked: "Want me to show you?"

Hogun nodded, feeling sort of inexplicably excited, instead of habitually nervous. Loki must have been pleased, because suddenly there was warmth to be felt within their close presence, and a sparkle of something ... not really like electricity, but something else similar. The books seemed to glow, even against the  morning sun. Loki hummed something under their breath which made one of the books flow from the shelf and into their hands.

Moving away, trying not to gasp at what he'd just seen, Hogun waited patiently for Loki to open the book and show it to him, whatever it was.

"In Asgård great – Yggdrasil flows eternal, from its earth – towards its sky." Loki began to recite, as if reading from the book, though there seemed to be nothing on the pages at all, "I awake in the - ancient winter realm, my home is cold – the other is not."

 "You know," Loki said, brandishing the book's first page, opened to a poem Hogun could now somehow read, "Every book you see here, I've written. I somehow convinced Odin that they were mere diaries, notes, nothing harmful at all. The old fool, either he believed me, or he was so certain in my powerlessness in Midgard that he allowed it."

"Are they?" Hogun asked, daring not to even touch the book again for how much his instincts told him to keep away, even if he hadn't been hurt by the spark of light, "Harmful?"

"They could be." Loki said, "But, in exchange for keeping some of my seidr, I can't harm anyone. I can't even think to use my magic for it."

"How does that work?" Hogun asked, not that this was the only thing he was hopelessly ignorant about as he kept on staring at the book in Loki's hands, as if it would grow teeth and bite him.

"Since my magic is so intrinsically tied to me, to all my feelings, intentions, actions, it knows what I know. So, essentially, I've been rendered near but helpless. Hence why Skurge is here, though I regret him being here every day ever so more; a sentiment I'm sure he shares."

Loki extended the book to Hogun, now opened on a different page, covered in drawings as well as words: "This one is one of my favorite spells. I don't know of anyone other than ... other than the queen of Asgard and myself, who can wield it so well."

"Dreams ... ", Hogun read out, "Wait, you can enter people's dreams?"

"I can send messages through dreams, yes. A contact of sorts. Not a lot of interference, and no pain on anyone's part if done successfully." Loki explained.

"Wait ... Odin?" Hogun asked, his brain only then catching up, "Is he your ... is he uh, your father?"

"He's not." Loki snapped at the same time they snapped the book closed, "He ... he kidnapped me. Saved me. Doomed me."

Having the opportunity of no other distraction, with this magical book now being closed, Hogun could not help but see this strange kind of vulnerability in Loki's eyes, as if their anger was a mask just as surely as their sometimes overly indulgent grin.

"Are we playing that game again?" Hogun asked, intending to lighten the situation, though he, of course, failed.

"Maybe." Loki said, putting their book back onto the shelf, seemingly protecting it, warding it, rather, as the book case glowed once more.

"I'm here because I'm a coward." Hogun said, regretting that they were standing, given he felt his legs might give out, "I ... I can't stand to see my father. You asked me about my mother. She ... she loves me, of course she does, but she can't forgive my cowardice no more than I can. I think, I'm asking, why are you here?"

"I'm not here because I'm afraid." Loki said, somewhat haughtily, and Hogun doubted the statement's complete sincerity, "I am here because Odin banished me. Because I did what he used to do so well, what my brother failed to do. And yet, I'm somehow worse. But then, I was always worse, less ... no matter what I did or didn't do."

Loki sounded bitter now, angry, instead of sullen. Hogun was reluctant to cause the ire of a relatively god like being, but ...

"What did you do?" Hogun asked, feeling like a fool instead of just a coward when Loki's expression flashed something far worse, far more intense than just anger.

Coughing out a small laugh, Hogun said: "You didn't, uh, do the same thing you do here? Dressed in drag and, I think it's: read them? If that's it, perhaps your family lacks a sense of humor."

Blessedly, Loki laughed a little too, visibly relaxing as they wiped at their eye where remnants of last night's eyeliner had been left, smudged.

"They're not my family." Loki said, though merely to correct, "But no. I did shape-shift a lot, or, should I say, I simply became different versions of who I am. For Odin at least, that was a relative non-issue. Mostly because he dismissed it as me being mischievous with my magic. Not so much for others. No, I ... "

Licking their lips in what should not have, given their current conversation, been enticing at all and yet of course it was, Hogun saw some of the joy fade from Loki's expression, replaced by a deeply etched frown.

"The more I think on it, the more I realize ... just what a horrible thing it was I'd done." Loki said, "So horrible, in fact, I think not even you would be able to look past it."

"Then ... you don't have to tell me." Hogun said.

"Are you certain?" Loki asked, sounding like it really was very bad. Then again, Hogun supposed you did not get banished for nothing.

"Yes." Hogun said, "At least, not today. Besides, you've already answered two of my questions which, I think, makes us even."

"Two?" Loki grimaced, as if trying to recall everything they'd said.

"You’ve just told me you have a brother." Hogun explained, though he did not want to press the matter further.

And he was right not to, Hogun thought, when Loki gave him a sad smile.

"I don't have a brother." Loki said, "Not anymore."

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Loki's spoken spell they use to reveal the book's contents to be written sort of like what you'd see in The Poetic Edda, but I'm no poet (nor do I know anything at all about poetry) lmao and I only know Swedish, so it's safe to say I couldn't really approach the real thing so much, let alone make it happen so well in English, but there it is.
> 
> For anyone curious, this is the version I tried to assemble in Swedish: 
> 
> I Asgård flyter | Yggdrasil evigt  
> Från sin jord | mot dess himmel.  
> Jag vaknar i | forn-vintern rike  
> Mitt hem är kallt | det andra är inte


	7. Hogun Plays His Guitar

Hogun hadn't expected Loki to want to continue hanging out with him throughout the whole rest of Sunday, but they seemed intent on following him all the same. First thing Hogun had to do was: go home, feed his lizard, do some leftover work for Monday, and then ... well, he supposed, hopefully, if Loki was still with him, he'd find something to do that wouldn't bore them.

Loki changed clothes and shifted form. Hogun could hardly wait to do the same. He wasn't a fan of staying in the same clothes for more than a day, something he tended to keep track of even on his most lethargic days.

"Skurge won't pick us up, it's Sunday." Loki complained, "Although, if you asked him, you'd find he barely wants to do it on any other day."

"Do you need a car?" Hogun asked, fixing his crumpled shirt as much as he could, "Can't you, you know ... teleport?"

Even if it was meant as a joke, it clearly wasn't, because Loki said: "I can. It just wastes my energy. Besides, annoying Skurge is fun."

"So you can teleport?" Hogun asked, wanting to just hear it confirmed, the scope of Loki's abilities still being so elusive.

"Do you want me to do that?" Loki asked, again with this weird tendency to shift things onto Hogun.

Decisions, worst of all. Sighing, Hogun said: "I don't know. I don't think my body would be able to handle it."

"Well, now I want to do it!" Loki said, bouncing up from the sofa.

"I'm not sure." Hogun said, but then Loki stalked up to him with a mischievous glint in their eyes.

"I'll protect you." They said, leaning so very close, "Don't worry."

Before Hogun could even so much as blink, there was a swoosh of air on his face and then, nothing. Until, that was, he managed to open his eyes, doubling over immediately under a bout of dizziness. Loki was there to catch him, sure enough, their unexpectedly strong hands wrapping around his shoulders.

"Breathe ... that's it ... "

Loki's tone of voice was strangely soothing while also being intensely convincing. Hogun didn't think he'd ever begun to breathe normally that fast, though he had to give himself credit for recovering so quickly either way.

He did, after all, just fucking teleport with Loki back to his apartment.

"Whoa ... " Hogun let out a long exhale, looking up at Loki's pleased face, "That was weird."

"First times always are." Loki simply said, lips quirking into a smirk.

Hogun's legs felt a little shaky as he managed to right himself, "I think ... faster travel than humans can endure."

Shrugging, Loki plopped down next to Lizard's habitat, which reminded Hogun to get him food, before he did anything else.

"I really do like your lizard Lizard." Loki said, gazing fondly at Hogun's pet, something Hogun could admit made him feel a little giddy.

"He's a good pet." Hogun said, "A good friend."

"I used to have a snake." Loki said, "Well, more than one snake. And then I was a snake, for a while. It was fun."

"You shape-shifted into a snake?" Hogun asked, not knowing why his brain even bothered to tell him anything to do with Loki was weird at that point.

"Yeah ... " Loki nodded, bouncing a little from where they sat cross-legged, "Even on Asgard, there are people who are scared of snakes. But beyond the simple pleasure of causing fear," Loki said, wiggling their fingers, "It was fun to just  _slither_  around."

Hogun hummed at that, not approvingly or disapprovingly, since he couldn't really imagine what it felt like to be a snake. Though he often wished to be a lizard. He supposed, maybe he could see the appeal after all.

After he'd dropped a few earth worms for his lizard to eat, Hogun said: "I need to work, now. Will you be bored if I do?"

"Yes." Loki immediately said, "Why do you have to work? It's a Sunday. Ah, Sundays on Midgard, the laziest of days!"

"Not for me." Hogun said, "I need to prepare some things for tomorrow. Just, uh, paperwork. Come to think of it, I will probably be bored too."

"Then don't do it! Simple."

"If I want money I have to work." Hogun said, "You understand that. You have a job."

"I entertain." Loki said, "It's hardly a job. At least for someone with my charisma and endurance."

"I see. Then you can certainly entertain yourself, while I work."

Loki gasped in mock offense, "You would brush me off? So cold, Hogun."

"You know, I am kind of hungry." Hogun said, pretending to think about it strongly, "Maybe you can cook, while I work. Can you cook?"

Shifting into his other form, Loki gasped louder, shaking their head: "You'd make a woman do the cooking? My my, I thought Midgard was more advanced than that!"

"Loki ... " Hogun sighed, "You can always go home. We can meet up later."

"Or, you can shirk your work and have fun with me." Loki said, wiggling their shoulders suggestively.

Of course they did. Why did Hogun think for a second that Loki's presence would not demand the whole of his attention? Glancing furtively at all the paperwork waiting for him on the coffee table, Hogun sighed.

"I really do need to work." Hogun amended, "But I would like to spend time with you too. You don't have to cook, that was a joke. You can maybe ... read a book? You like reading, right?"

"I do." Loki confirmed, "And I do make for lovely company."

"You do. Yes." Hogun agreed, thinking it entirely sincere, though the time for joking would have to be relocated to such a time when his work pile shrunk.

Shrugging, Loki got up and began perusing Hogun's book collection again. Hoping they would ignore that one book from before, Hogun placed himself onto his ratty sofa, opened up his laptop, and tried desperately not to notice any of Loki's entirely too accented poses as they stood by his book shelf. This same effort  Hogun had to extend to Loki's presence on the sofa, where they perched with, thankfully, a book that did not contain a variety of implausible sexual poses.

So, with a whole new thing to pointedly not think about, Hogun got to work. Surprisingly, Loki did actually stay relatively silent. When Hogun dared a glance at them, they seemed engrossed even, in the book they'd chosen.

Eventually though, Hogun felt Loki shift and the book shut closed.

"What are you working on?" Loki asked, peering from Hogun's left, practically leaning on his shoulder.

And their hair, fuck ... it always seemed to smell good, even when it didn't look cleanly washed.

"Oh, you're a, what do the Midgardians call it ... an evil debt collector?" Loki guessed, plastering themselves further onto Hogun's poor shoulder.

"I'm not a debt collector." Hogun said, "I just handle people's finances."

"Sounds boring." 

„It is.“ 

"Then why are you doing it?" Loki predictably asked.

"I need the money."

"I can conjure up whatever you wish." Loki said, though the grin that spread over their face did not bode well when they added: "I can be your sugar queen."

"Loki ... " Hogun spoke, just barely stopping himself from gripping his forehead in exasperation, "I can't ask you to do that. I need to ... I need to be able to live here, on my own. It's important to me."

"Is it because of your father?" Loki asked.

Hogun debated on what to do. Clearly, Loki was intent on messing with him, again.

"Please, it won't be for long." Hogun said, "When I'm done, I promise we can do whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?"

"Whatever you want." Hogun confirmed, sensing that whatever it was Loki wanted to do would be troublesome for him.

If Loki's smile was anything to go by, it would be.

 

***

 

"No."

"Oh, come on ... " Loki whined, "Play for me. Come on."

"No."

"Hogun, please ... " Loki continued to whine and jab and annoy.

But no way. Hogun was not nearly drunk enough to do most things, let alone have someone else hear him play. Especially Loki. Besides, he didn't even have his guitar here anymore, having left it in the rented storage space; the damage for which he'd yet to pay.

"Hogun ... " Loki said, leaning in to whisper: "If you play for me, I'll let you double dip."

Hogun thought his heart might have stopped. Or else, all his blood relocated south. And, he was as red as a tomato, of course.

"Loki." Hogun said, "I can't play in front of other people."

"Hogun." Loki said, "I could shape-shift into a lamp? Or a table? How about it?"

"No."

Loki sighed, "You really are a coward. And for something so trivial."

"It's not trivial to me!" Hogun shouted, surprised at the strength of his voice. Loki seemed taken aback too, leaning backwards wide eyed.

But then, their eyes narrowed and they said: "If you're worried about hurting me, you won't. Rather, you can't. I'll keep the space safe. Come on Hogun, I just want to see!"

Rolling his eyes and huffing out an exasperated breath, Hogun asked: "Is that your goal? To see that? Will you just leave then?"

"You think I would?" Loki asked, and they even sounded hurt.

"Maybe." Hogun said, "Yes. I mean, you're basically a god Loki, for fuck's sake! What would you want with me otherwise?"

"You have really low self esteem." Loki said, "Or else your opinion of me is worse than I thought."

Groaning, Hogun said: "Sorry. No. It's not you. I don't think. It's me. It's always me."

"Oh, that old line." Loki said, "I may not be from Midgard, but I assure you, there is an Asgard equivalent."

"There is?" Hogun asked, exhausted.

"There is." Loki said, confidently, "And I've used it plenty. All lies, of course, I'm perfect. But it's easier for the other person to think it can't possibly be their fault."

"You don't think you're perfect." Hogun mumbled.

"Play for me." Loki insisted, ignoring that comment, "I promise you, nothing bad will happen."

"Something bad _always_ happens." Hogun bemoaned, while Loki looked for all the world as though they'd just figured out a puzzle.

"That's what you're always worried about, isn't it?" Loki asked, "Something bad will happen, it must happen, otherwise something is wrong. So, better to not do anything."

"Exactly." Hogun said, " The world is messy, and I can't control it. I can't even control the one thing that I ... "

"I can help you." Loki said, serious, "I've dealt with worse things than a bout of electricity."

Hogun shook his head, feeling nervous and vulnerable. For however short a while he knew Loki, and shorter still  _really_  knew them, they had a way to pull his on his strings. And, the thing was, Hogun wanted to be pulled.

After all, if he wasn't, he would, as Loki had said, never do anything at all.

He really was so damn pathetic.

"Hogun ... " Loki called in a near whisper. Hogun had no choice but to look, only to find himself faced with yet another indecipherable brand of Loki's guarded expressions.

"My mother, the woman who used to be my adopted mother, she ... she taught me how to use my seidr. I suppose, maybe she thought if I had something of my own I would be less likely to feel inferior to my brother. To everyone else. It helped, somewhat. She, like your friend Sigyn, was most of all a strong wise and reasonable person. If it hadn't been for her, I'd be worse off. I might not have even survived to tell you, right now, that there is no such thing fear can fix, no such thing fear can keep you safe from."

Hogun could neither see nor hear any deception, any play, in Loki's voice. And, by the looks of Loki's suddenly stone cold expression marred merely by the presence of sadness in their eyes it had cost them so much to say it; so much so that even Hogun's perpetual anxiety driven silence unraveled.

"I hurt my mother." Hogun said, "Once ... when I played for her. It was, well, it was my last effort to convince her to hear what I hear, to see what I see. It was the first time I'd played for her, for anyone. She never said anything and neither did I but, I haven't picked up my guitar since ... until the last week, that is. I simply left. Trying to mend things on the way, I ... I also just ... decided on a job my father would approve of. You were right, Loki, it was because of him, but it's also a misfortune, a curse, that has followed me since I was young."

"It's not a curse." Loki said, "It's like my seidr, I can feel it. I wouldn't have even had that proclivity had I not ... if I wasn't who I am. This power you have, whatever it is, it's yours to control."

Feeling cowed before Loki's absolute conviction, Hogun said: "I am afraid."

"Trust me." Loki said, "Play for me."

Hogun couldn't say a thing back as Loki grasped his shoulders and asked: "Where is it?"

With a swoosh of wind once more, in the darkness shorter than a blink, Hogun fell within the confines of his rented storage space and, even though it was dark there too, he could feel the presence of the one instrument he wielded strongly, with not but a thought.

Somehow, Loki made the lights work again in the storage space. They hadn't really done anything visible, it was likely that they once more needed a mere thought to do it. And then, smiling slyly, they fixed his fried speakers and handed him the guitar.

Hogun stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, grasping the guitar as if it was his first time holding it, while Loki stood to his front, arms crossed, clearly waiting expectantly.

"Hogun." Loki said, "Don't be afraid. Just close your eyes, and play."

Damn it though, Loki was so convincing. Or else they were just stunning and it was messing with Hogun's otherwise well trained self control. Stunningly convincing! Ha, Hogun thought, there they were, with their clothes changed again, curvy body held within the confines of a tight dress, their fur back on, as if this was a going to be a concert worthy of dressing up.

Hogun wondered just how much energy it really took out of Loki to do anything, since it seemed a boundless source.

"Fine." Hogun said, already knowing he would disappoint. So then, what was there to lose? He already half expected Loki to just up and leave at any moment and, if they left after this, then he could at least be satisfied in that he was absolutely right.

Shifting to hold the guitar properly, Hogun closed his eyes.

"Wait." Loki said, and Hogun opened his eyes, feeling put upon before he remembered that he still had those damn burns on his fingers.

Right. Of course.

Loki trailed towards him, grasping his hands in their own, over them a sense of warmth. Hogun began to feel something tingly and, when Loki pulled away, his fingers were healed. He couldn't help but look at them, spreading them within his eye sight, staring probably for far too long, glacing at Loki and then back to his now entirely healed skin.

"Is there anything you can't do?" Hogun asked.

"Hardly." Loki simply said, "Now, let me see this wondrous ability of yours."

Taking a deep breath, Hogun closed his eyes and strummed a few chords to feel the give of the wires, the electric sound. Satisfied that it all sounded okay, Hogun began to play.

It was more difficult with Loki's presence to even begin to relax but, somehow, Hogun felt Loki would wait for him.

And they did. Not a sound or a shift of the body alerted them to Loki's whereabouts, only their ever present intoxicating smell the clue to their presence in this small stuffy space. Okay then, Hogun thought, he might as well begin.

Nothing happened, at first. Hogun played slow, trying to relax his hands, relax his mind, and just listen to the noise. Gradually, with his eyes still closed, Hogun began to truly play. The sounds of the electric guitar echoed within the empty space, his body vibrating alongside the thrum of wires ... more and more, the sounds grew louder, his fingers moving deftly and quickly, going over and under and over and under and down and up and up and down ...

Behind closed eyes, the tell tale sign of bursting light almost made him stop, when he heard Loki's soft voice within the noise:

"Keep playing."

So he did.

Hogun could feel the electricity play at the ends of his fingers as they moved, going up his arms, from within him and around him, but ... not even then did he stop. His ears adjusted to the sound he was creating, feeling a vacuum around him almost, bursting over only in the light. The sounds grew louder and louder still, the tingle and shiver making his body move almost unconsciously. Moving caused the lights to burst louder and bigger than ever, and no longer was it just his fingers and arms feeling the electric trails.

No, it was his whole body, from the very ground he stood on to the top up above him, and all over around him.

Hogun kept playing until he thought he would never be able to stop. There was that sense again, even as he stood rooted, of floating, flying even ... his body becoming something else entirely. Lighter, light and sound ...

Inhaling loudly, Hogun opened his eyes, and saw himself surrounded by electricity falling from him in and out, all over the space. He couldn't see Loki anywhere, nor could he tell whether they were still there.

With that, the shiver and the noise stopped.

The lights went out but they turned on a mere second later, and the room was undamaged. Hogun thought it was yet another illusion of Loki's, feeling certain the room had to be fried, his speakers all but destroyed.

However, they were not.

They stood where he'd placed them, not even dust on them, and his guitar, now silent, nearly fell out of his hands.

"Magnificent." Hogun heard Loki say, and in a second more he saw them emerging from the shadowy corner to his far right.

Breathing heavily, feeling exhausted and parched and, for however much it seemed impossible, Hogun stood still, completely and entirely relaxed.

Loki approached him, "See?" They said, "Nothing bad happened. To me, you, or the room."

"How?" Hogun managed a rasp, looking around as if damage might appear any second, glancing at his fingers too, feeling certain they were burnt.

"I protected us." Loki said, "Your power, it's quite ... strong. I suppose, I understand why you'd be scared. There was no one around to teach you how to control it, after all."

There was something else in Loki's thoughtful expression that was hard to parse. Coming down somewhat from this strange high, Hogun asked: "What's wrong?"

Loki shook their head, "Nothing." Lifting their gaze up, they asked: "Have you ever tried using your power without the guitar?"

"Uh, no." Hogun said, "It's ... it's only when I play."

"I don't think it is." Loki said, "But, we can try that later. Tell me, how did it feel?"

Hogun exhaled, smiling a little, "Amazing. It, uh ... it's always amazing. Until I open my eyes."

"And now?"

"Somehow, now, I can still feel it." Hogun said, though he didn't know how to explain it better.

Loki seemed to understand though. Their expression softening into a pleased little smile, they said: "I see. I'm glad."

                                                            

***


	8. Loki's Crime

Loki was eager to begin teaching Hogun how to control whatever this was he had, and Hogun could hardly deny them. However, considering Loki's performances took place mainly on the weekends, they were only free to do so during the week.

For the first week, Hogun was able to somehow manage both, though it left him feeling drained and tired, even as he felt himself growing more and more excited. Not just because he got to finally play his guitar the way he needed to, but also because he was getting closer to Loki in a way he never could have dreamed of.

And yet, in the end, Hogun was only human, and an old one at that. Whereas Loki was free to sleep during the day Hogun absolutely wasn't, and their rigorous classes coupled with his day job took their toll as soon as the end of their second week. Barring that one time he was late, also due to being with Loki, Hogun had begun coming to work late nearly every day. His coworkers, for however much they weren't close friends, began to worry, and they dutifully told him so.

"Nobody wants to fire anyone, Hogun, but if you continue to be late every day ... " His coworker mused, though Hogun was not really paying attention.

"I apologize." Hogun said, "I've been ... occupied."

The next day though, he was warned again. Meanwhile, Sigyn had called him a few times for drinks, but Hogun had barely any energy left to do that, or even to so much as respond to her texts. He'd do it tomorrow, he said to himself, and then didn't.

In retrospect, Hogun supposed he should have anticipated Sigyn would find another way to see him. She did this, naturally, by barging through the doors to his apartment, opened by her spare key.

"Okay, what the hell man?" Sigyn asked, looking around the room at the uncharacteristic mess of clothes and work papers, coupled with a few takeout boxes Hogun had yet to throw away.

He'd been laying on his sofa, trying to get some sleep, considering it was a Saturday and Loki was not there. Hogun didn't want to be rude to Sigyn, no more than he already had been, so he invited her to sit and made them both some tea, even though all he wanted was to lie down and not move.

Sipping her tea slowly, Sigyn observed him, looking halfway between worried and angry.

Hogun sighed, saying: "I'm sorry Sigyn. I've ... I've been busy."

"Not with work you weren't." Sigyn admonished, "You know I have friends practically everywhere, even those you tend to ignore. I know you've been late to work, which is not like you, and now I see you haven't even been using your extensively obsessive mind to clean your damn apartment!"

Hogun sat silent under Sigyn's attack, sensing she had more to say. However, instead of more yelling, Sigyn asked: "Are you okay? Is it Loki?"

Shaking his head immediately, Hogun said: "No. I mean, yes, I've been seeing Loki. We're, uh ... together, I guess. But it's not them. I just ... I'm bad at managing my time."

"Bad at managing your time?" Sigyn parroted, "Really?"

Looking around at the mess of his apartment, something Hogun began to feel very uncomfortable about, Sigyn settled her fiery eyes on him once more.

"Invite them here, now." Sigyn said, "I want to properly meet them."

"They're working." Hogun said, glancing at the clock.

"I'll wait." Sigyn said, making herself altogether too comfortable on Hogun's sofa.

She wasn't going anywhere, that much was clear. Hogun debated just telling her the whole truth, or at least as much as it pertained to him, but, of course, he hadn't the words. He didn't even know where to begin.

"Hogun ... " Sigyn said, her voice suddenly soft and worried, "I know you've been in a rut, and I understand Loki is exciting and new, but this new extreme is not good either."

Hogun sighed. He knew that already. But, he was ashamed to be so weak against Loki's seemingly endless exuberance and he didn't want to do anything to extinguish that for them.

"Hogun, I can see your cogs turning." Sigyn said, "Just tell me what's going on, would you?"

Thinking on how to best explain it with as little lying as possible, Hogun said: "Loki and I ... we, uh ... we've been running together. Every day of the week, it's the only time they can make it. I, uh ... needed to do something other than sit around, you know?"

Sigyn's eyes narrowed, practically boring a hole into his forehead, "So, Loki didn't think to maybe, oh, I don't know, adjust a little to your schedule too?"

"I didn't ask them to." Hogun defended.

"Of course you didn't." Sigyn said, sighing, "You're such a dumbass, I swear."

"I know." Hogun simply said, curling into himself.

He should have responded to Sigyn earlier, Hogun thought. If at least to tell her how he's doing. It wasn't her responsibility to fret over him to begin with, let alone be forced to come to his apartment out of worry.

"I'm sorry, Sigyn." Hogun said, "I know you worry. I ... I haven't been a good friend to you lately."

"Lately? Didn't know three years or so was considered  _lately_ , but okay." Sigyn admonished, adding: "Listen, I get it. I always have. But ... Hogun, you and I both know why I worry so much."

"I know ... I'm ... "

"Don't you dare apologize again!" Sigyn interjected, "Now, send Loki a message, please, and tell them to come. I'll go out, bring us something to drink."

Hogun nodded. Having no other choice, as soon as Sigyn left to buy them drinks, Hogun sent Loki a message, hoping they would respond.

 

***

 

Sigyn was out for a long time, presumably because she had to actually drive to the nearest store that sold alcohol given that there weren't any close to Hogun's apartment. This, unfortunately, left him with time to think.

Even as exhausted as he was, Hogun could say with some amount of certainty that he'd never felt this happy. Ever. In his whole entire life. Sigyn was still right, of course, and he had to find a way to tell Loki that he needed more time and less classes ... well, either that, or he would, Hogun thought wildly, just up and quit his job.

No.

No. No way. He couldn't do that. He'd have no money and he'd lose his apartment and he ...

Fuck. Was happiness supposed to feel this much like anxiety?

Fidgeting with his phone, waiting for Loki to confirm whether they were coming, Hogun sat himself beside his lizard, trying to find some comfort in his pet.

"Lizard, I've neglected you too." Hogun said, staring at the unmoving creature, "I'm such a mess."

The lizard blinked and scuttered away to his hideout. It seemed Lizard had better things to do than listen to Hogun complain. Smart creature, Hogun thought, averting his gaze to the phone he was still holding in his hand. Loki had yet to respond, which was normal, because they were likely still performing. Although, Loki didn't really use their phone very often, if at all, so it could also be likely that they would not even see his message.

Ah, fuck.

He just wanted to sleep. Hogun debated calling Sigyn instead, to cancel this, whatever she meant for this to be, but that would, Hogun realized, probably only make his situaions worse. At the very least he could clean his apartment, Hogun decided, tired of the silence and the ticking clock.

Feeling resolute, Hogun got up and began collecting the pile of clothes on his floor, chucking them all into the washing machine in the bathroom. Once there, he took a quick once over at himself in the mirror, finding that he was far from attractive. Not that he thought he was, normally, but the prominent bags under his eyes were dark and deep, evidence of the last two weeks mostly sleepless nights.

He should wash his face, he thought, so he did that. Thinking on it some more, Hogun pulled his hair back too, tying it into a low bun. That would have to do.

Trekking back to his living room, which was also unfortunately his bedroom and his work space, Hogun pulled out a clean shirt from the closet and re-dressed, hoping this would aid in him appearing at least somewhat put together. Still, with the new shirt on, he couldn't stop himself from trying to right its unseemily wrinkles, a task which ended up taking all the rest of his time.

Sigyn knocked this time, though she entered without being called, two six packs of small canned beer in tow, and some sort of an assortment of snacks crunching within the plastic bag she unceremoniously dropped onto the living room's coffee table.

"Loki isn't here?" Sigyn asked, and Hogun nodded, as he began picking up the empty food containers.

"They've yet to respond." Hogun said, throwing the plastic and carton in their proper places in his adjacent kitchen.

"I see." Sigyn said, following after him to place the beers in the fridge, "Not one for phones, are they?"

„Not really.“ 

„Well then.“ Sigyn said, closing the fridge door. Clearly, some of the adrenaline from before had faded during Sigyn's trip to the store.

She now stood in the middle of Hogun's kitchen, visibly unsatisfied and as though she didn't know what to do now that her plan was in danger of falling apart.

"They're probably still working." Hogun said, glancing at the kitchen clock, seeing it was barely one in the morning.

Sigyn sighed, "Fuck. Sorry. I was just so ... I wasn't thinking. Of course they'd be working still, until morning probably."

"Unusual for you," Hogun teased, "Not to think."

"Very funny." Sigyn said, "But ... I'm worried, and I overreacted. You know how I want everything resolved immediately, always."

"Yes." Hogun said, recalling many a times when Sigyn's own need to clean up the mess would lead to many a late night talks and many a daily moderating between friends and co-workers.

"How about we ... just hang out then?" Sigyn suggested, with a small smile.

If she'd been in Hogun's head, she'd probably admonish him once more for not even considering to refuse, even though his eyes were practically closing on their own.

"We don't have to drink." Sigyn hurried to add, "We can watch a movie ... maybe."

Well, Hogun wasn't so tired that he didn't notice Sigyn's mood falling farther than it would had he been the sole cause. Besides, Hogun was reasonably sure she could see how tired he was and he was also relatively certain she would have left ... if she didn't need to stay.

"Yes, a movie." Hogun said, "Sounds good."

They settled for a comedy of Sigyn's choosing since Hogun never watched movies on his own and so couldn't think of anything. Settling on his sofa, Sigyn by his side, both of them wrapped up in blankets, soon enough, Hogun could no longer keep his eyes open.

 

***

 

Hogun woke up to pale morning light and whispered voices coming from his kitchen. Blinking and rubbing his eyes to hopefully banish the lingering tiredness, Hogun shifted on the sofa, seeing he'd been covered by both his and the blanket Sigyn had used.

Oh.

His sleepy mind waking up, Hogun realized who was in his kitchen. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but before he'd even managed to fully get up he'd heard Loki's insistent tone, growing from subdued to a barely contained whisper.

"I told you Sigyn, I have no ill intentions!" Loki said, "We are just going for a short run every day. It's good for him."

"You're lying." Sigyn said, "Just as he lied to me last night. And I don't like it."

"Fine." Loki said, "You caught me. We were fucking all night long. Hogun can't get enough of me, he's insatiable! Like a beast!"

"Loki!" Hogun jumped up, practically stumbling all over himself to get to the kitchen, feeling his face burn at Sigyn's wide eyed stare and Loki's self satisfied smirk.

"Good morning, lover." Loki said, smirk widening into a grin.

"Sigyn ... Loki ... " Hogun mumbled in greeting, though he kept in standing awkwardly under their joined gazes, the subject of their argument pinned down and embarrassed because, however much it might have seemed that Loki was exaggerating or outright lying to get a rise out of Sigyn, it was not something Hogun could technically deny.

 "Hogun." Sigyn said, "Sit down."

Torn from this pleasant sense memory, Hogun did, immediately. He couldn't help but notice Loki's minutae frown, even as he focused on Sigyn.

"How did you sleep?" She asked.

Bewildered for a moment, Hogun said: "Uh, okay. I guess. Fine."

"Good." Sigyn said, "Does anyone want coffee?"

Loki rolled his eyes, saying: "Please, let me."

For a moment Hogun actually thought Loki would just make the coffee appear on the table, ready to go. But no, they got up and rummaged through his kitchen drawers, inexplicably knowing where everything was. Sigyn was looking at them now, right side of her mouth quirked up in thought.

"I drink it strong." She said, "Lots of sugar."

"Yes, my dear wife, anything for you." Loki mocked, glancing at them before going back to pouring the water into the kettle and grinding coffee grains.

They sat in awkward silence, Hogun feeling the weight of Sigyn's gaze on him, until the coffee was done and Loki had set the table for it.

"So," Sigyn began, sipping her coffee, "Loki. What's your deal?"

"My what?"

"Tell me a little about yourself." Sigyn said, though Hogun could sense something was off about her uncharacteristically sweet tone, and clearly so could Loki, except that they were slightly better at recovery, asking in nearly the same tone: "What do you want to know?"

Hogun kind of thought they'd had the time to get to know each other, considering it was now close to the afternoon. Perhaps, Loki did not come here immediately after their performance ended.

For her part, Sigyn shrugged, saying: "Where are you from? What else do you do? What's your favorite drink ... ya know, regular stuff."

"Why?" Loki drawled out.

"Because, you've been dating my best friend for a few weeks now." Sigyn stated, sounding rather testy too, "I want to know more about you, that's all."

Oh, gone was the blushing from the first time Sigyn had met Loki, Hogun thought. But then, he recalled, Sigyn did mention she'd heard unsavory things about Loki even before they'd officially begun to date. Although, for whatever Loki did when he was with others or performing, it couldn't have been lies for the sake of lies, could it? They couldn't just go ahead and tell everyone of their true nature.

Could they?

Fuck, Hogun could feel a headache coming on as Sigyn's insistent stare waned none, and Loki's irritated expression merely deepened.

Sighing, though it was more of a groan, Loki said: "I was born here. You already know what I do. Honestly, if this is some sort of a meeting of the partner and parents you should have told me, I'd have brought a cake."

Clicking her tongue, Sigyn said: "Ah, see, that's not quite true, is it? I didn't want to judge you upfront, just based on rumors, but ... I trust this person, and they told me what you do when you aren't dazzling the common masses with your performances."

Hogun's brain needed a moment to catch up, though he hadn't a chance to react because Loki was the first to speak, sounding as if they were restraining themselves from worse than just: "What is it that you think I do, then?"

"You steal and you lie." Sigyn said, leaning forwards on her arms, "Your magic shows, you know, that thing you do when you're not prancing around on a stage? They're quite famous for ridding people out of all of their money and assets."

Loki chuckled at that, nodding their head and absolutely not denying it. Hogun looked at them, silently asking them to explain.

"Listen, I'm really good at magic tricks, okay?" Loki said, "So what if I make a little bit more money on the side? Living here is expensive."

But Loki didn't need money, Hogun thought, at the same time as Sigyn scoffed and said: "A little bit more money? You rip people off for all they're worth. It's not magic shows you do, it's a scam!"

"So?"

"So?" Sigyn parroted, "You've been arrested, Loki, many many times. Only, they couldn't find anything to tie you to any grander offense because nobody could quite place you after the fact!"

"If they can't place me, then how come you know about this? All lies, by the way, I don't steal." Loki said.

Hogun opened his mouth to speak, but Sigyn was faster, saying: "Angrboda. Name sound familiar?"

"Can't say it does." Loki said, their normally wide grin now stinted and thin.

"You're a liar, Loki, and a criminal." Sigyn said, "Forgive me if I have some concerns here."

"Hogun's a grown man!" Loki said, „What do you care what he does?"

"Because he's my best friend! Has been for years! You've only just waltzed in here like, yesterday!"

„Oh, please, Hogun does not need a controlling hag shadowing his every move!“

"A controlling hag?" Sigyn spat, "Oh, fuck you."

„Stop it!“ Hogun yelled, his headache growing irritatingly strong. Thankfully, they both shut up, except that now the entirety of both of their ire shifted straight to him.

"Sigyn, please, I ... I think I would like to speak with Loki, alone." Hogun said, feeling certain of at least this: one of them would be easier to deal with than both at the same time.

"Fine." Sigyn said, "But I'll be right outside."

"Okay." Hogun relented, though he saw Loki's narrowed eyes trailing after Sigyn as she exited the kitchen and the apartment entire.

Calmer now, Hogun strove to inhale and exhale, turning to Loki fully, "Loki ... just, start from the beginning, please."

"No." Loki spat, getting up, „Your _best_  friend just attacked me, and I'm supposed to, what, cower and plead and explain how I didn't steal anything from anyone? Who do you think I am?"

Panicked, Hogun blurted out: "You're Loki."

"What?"

"Loki." Hogun repeated, exhaling and adding: "My, uh ... lover. And my friend."

Grimacing in heavy breaths, Loki sat back down, and Hogun breathed a sigh of relief. That was, until Loki looked at him.

"Hogun, you told me I didn't have to tell you." Loki said, sounding suddenly uncertain and even somewhat desperate.

Stupid, Hogun thought, of course whatever it was Loki thought they were doing here, and this Angrboda person, all of it had to have its beginning in that exact event Loki had warned him would change his feelings for them.

Fuck.

Sigyn had opened this dam, nevertheless, and it felt as if water would just keep flowing until it drowns them if they didn't somehow fix this.

"You don't have to." Hogun said, "But ... what Sigyn said, it is the truth?"

Sighing, Loki said: "Yes. But it's not what you think. Okay, maybe it is. Somewhat. I get bored.”

“You get bored?” Hogun spoke, failing to see what that had to do with anything.

Lips quirking into a small smile, Loki said: “In every world, including this one, there are people who deserve to be served their just desserts. I just showed them what it would be like if they didn’t have anything at all.”

Frowning, Hogun said: “Stealing is a crime. And, doesn’t it technically mean you harmed someone?”

“Not with my magic.” Loki said, shrugging, “Besides, Hogun, it’s hardly a crime if they deserve it.”

Oh, but Hogun had no time to unpack that, seeing as how there was something else more pressing to talk about. Without even having to be asked though, Loki said: “ Regardless … Angrboda has a grudge, and I ... I didn't  _realize_  she was here. How does Sigyn even know her?"

Thinnking on it, and realizing Sigyn hadn’t ever actually mentioned Angrboda to him, Hogun said: "I don't know. I don't know many of her friends, but she does have alot of them."

Clicking their tongue, Loki said: "Ah, yes. Friends. I highly doubt that, even if Sigyn thinks she can trust her. After all, unlike Sigyn, Angrboda is actually my ex-wife."

 "What?"

"It was a long time ago." Loki said, expression becoming distant, "I didn't know she was ... well, let's just say it did not work out. You know, Hogun, everyone is so quick to accuse me of being a liar, and yet, everyone around me always lies  _to me_."

"You don't want to tell me." Hogun said, softly, trying to understand.

Loki shook their head, looking away, "I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't think I could."

There was silence then, for a short moment that felt much longer, and a heavy sort of air began to surround them. Not so for lack of words, so much as anticipation of what consequences Hogun's many admissions and Sigyn's prodding would end up having on them. Already, Hogun could tell it was something far worse Loki wasn’t telling him, worse certainly than a few comitted thefts. And yet …

"You don't know me." Loki eventually said, and Hogun's stomach dropped.

Glancing back to him for the shortest second,  Loki said, with a degree of finality: "Sigyn is right. I don't think this will work."

Hogun could see Loki getting up again, without even so much as a look back, "No!" He yelled, grabbing at Loki's hand, feeling how terribly cold it was, "No, you said, to me, not to be afraid. That there's nothing fear can protect you from!"

"I lied." Loki said, "Fear tells you what to avoid. What to protect yourself from."

"You don't have to do that." Hogun insisted, letting go of Loki's hand.

Standing there as they were, Hogun felt all of their height, their piercing eyes, their aura, the same as their first few times meeting. Slippery, like a wisp of smoke. Hogun almost expected them to disappear, just like smoke, but they didn't.

"Sigyn is still outside." Loki said, gently removing Hogun's fast waning grip, "She's a good friend to you. You should listen to her."

For how stark of a contrast Loki's words were to the ones spouted prior, Hogun had a hard time wrapping his mind around it. Why was Loki saying this, why now?

"You're upset." Hogun said, "I ... I'm sorry. Sigyn can be aggressive, and she ... "

Something had changed in Loki's expression, but Hogun had the sense that it wasn't at all because of what he barely managed to put into words. It wasn't because of Sigyn, either. It was the same expression Loki had when they talked about, or thought about, their family.

"I  _am_  a liar, regardless of others." Loki said, "I  _am_  a thief, I  _am_  a trickster. I'm also a murderer."

Loki said it so easily, it felt almost unreal. As if the word itself had no meaning, when it had all the meaning in the world.

"Angrboda is on Earth." Loki said, "She seeks revenge for the genocide of her people. A genocide I committed. So, now you know."

Without giving him a chance to react, Loki did disappear, just like smoke, just as if they'd never been there to begin with.

"Loki!" Hogun yelled, panic giving way for a mindless burst of fear as he rushed to open the doors to his apartment. Of course, Loki wouldn't just be standing outside in the hallway.

Stupid, stupid, stupid ...

This mantra followed Hogun's frazzled mind down the hallway and down the stairs, all the way outside where he found Sigyn sitting on the same bench Loki had sat on, back when Hogun had thought he'd never see them again.

And now, as it stood, he really wouldn't.

"Hogun, what happened?" Sigyn asked, running the narrow street over to where Hogun stood, feeling his legs wouldn't even carry him to the bench.

"Loki ... " Hogun managed barely a gasp, "... I ... "

Undeniably the worst thing was, if Loki was telling the truth, then ... Hogun wasn't so sure he did want to see them. Now, or ever.

Fuck.

 

 ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end. Tags are updated.


	9. In My Dreams, Ice and Cold

Sigyn helped Hogun back up the stairs and into his apartment, where he slumped on the sofa, feeling thoroughly numb. He should have known, even if he was so damn stupid, that the matter of Loki's true nature wasn't just some intriguing thing about them, not something so innocently wondrous as he'd first thought.

No, of course not.

"Where's Loki?" Sigyn predictably asked, "I haven't seen them come out."

"They're gone." Hogun said, "I think I'll take that beer now."

Sigyn frowned, though she did get them those beers, pulling two out of the pack and bringing them to the living room. Almost tentatively, she then sat next to him.

"Hogun ... " Sigyn said, keeping her voice low, "What happened?"

He didn't know what to say. It wasn't his to say to begin with, damn it! But, how could he explain anything to Sigyn if he didn't first explain the truth of Loki's origin? Their existence so beyond believable Hogun was certain that, even if he did say it, Sigyn would deem him completely insane.

"Okay, you're scaring me now." Sigyn said, looking around, "Where's Loki? What the hell happened?"

Not knowing what else to do, Hogun took his beer and drank half of it in one go, already preparing himself for Sigyn's disapproving gaze. However, when he did finally manage to look at her, all he saw was worry.

Fuck, Sigyn did not need this. But, then again, neither did he. If Sigyn hadn't come barging in so suddenly, with all those accusations ... ah, fuck. No, that wasn't right either. Loki either would not have ever told him what they'd done and Hogun would have lived in ignorance in the company of an actual murderer, or he'd find out from someone else, likely from Sigyn if she continued to dig deeper, and the result would have been the same.

"Loki told me what they'd done." Hogun said, the words spilling from him now of all times, for how their weight could not be held within him, "They did something horrible. Something they feared to tell me, because they knew I'd ... because they thought I'd hate them for it."

Sigyn worried at her lower lip, looking at Hogun as if to see what it was Loki had done, so he would not have to say it.

"Oh, Hogun ... " Sigyn sighed, "I ... I didn't mean for this to happen. I ... "

"You have the right to be worried." Hogun said, "You have the right. You, most of all."

After all, Loki wasn't the only liar in this terrible story.

"Hogun ... " Sigyn said and, as if summoned by her voice, Hogun found the words he'd been lacking for weeks.

Not just words, but the reality of it, the image of his damaged car and the light pole he'd driven into that had been dented from the impact, the sparks of light falling from its top down onto the wrinkled metal of his car.

It must have been a miracle, Hogun thought, that his neck hadn't broke, nor did he hit his head upon anything other than the safety fucking airbag because clearly he hadn't been driving fast enough to do any real damage to himself, because he tended to fuck up even the things he desperately needed to not fuck up. He'd called the tow truck instead of the police or the ambulance, and had blamed it all on the slippery road.

"Hogun ... " Sigyn called for him again and, that was it. The end of the road.

"I tried it, that night. Again." Hogun whispered, exhaling a breath, "I wasn't even injured."

He didn't have to look at Sigyn to know she was crying. Her breathing had become shallow, and she seemed to try so hard to gulp down her sobs. Hogun was too ashamed to face her, so he extended his hand to her, and she grasped it.

"You fucking idiot ... " She cried, fully, once their hands touched, "You goddamn ... you stupid fucking asshole!"

Well, at least that was more like Sigyn than silence.

"Loki is not human." Hogun said, waiting none for Sigyn to catch up, "Not a god. But something like it. A trickster. From your mythology. So that's real. They're also a liar, a criminal, a murderer. And they're gone."

"Hogun ... " Sigyn said, carefully: "Do we need to go to the hospital? I will drive you."

"No." Hogun said, "It's the truth. And, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Sigyn repeated, slowly, "Sorry. Yes, that's just it, isn't it? Oh, Hogun, for fuck's sake, you should have called me! I told you, whenever you feel that bad, just fucking ... fucking call me."

"I'd be calling you every day, then."

Clicking her tongue and sniffing a little, Sigyn let go of his hand, "I don't know what this is, Hogun." She said, "You ... I should have insisted you get help. So, I'm doing that now."

"Please, Sigyn, just ... " Hogun tried, even managed a glance at her where, beneath her tears and her red cheeks, he only saw determination, worry, and anger.

"You're going." Sigyn said, "You'll check yourself in and you'll stay there until you're better. That's my condition."

"Condition to what?"

"Our friendship."

"Sigyn ... " Hogun tried, hating himself for the coward he was, "I can't. Please ... don't make me. I can't be there. Not again."

"You can't be there, poor you, but I won't ever unsee you, in bed, wrapped in bandages, pale ... you, you fucking asshole!"

For one stupid last ditch effort, Hogun said: "What if Loki ... what if they come back?"

Scoffing out a loud frustrated laugh, Sigyn said: "I don't fucking care, Hogun. They can be ten gods wrapped up into one, and I still wouldn't care. Whatever you think they are, whatever your brain is doing to you now, it needs to stop."

"I'm not crazy."

"I know you're not." Sigyn said, "But you're ill. And you need help."

"They helped." Hogun said, not even knowing at that point whether it was the honest truth or a hopeful lie.

"They were a distraction." Sigyn said, with finality.

No. That wasn't right. Was it? Hogun had to believe that his feelings, at least in the matter of Loki, were real. They had to be, even though their deception, their crime, it made Hogun shiver still at the thought. But, if Loki came back, then maybe ... maybe they could work it out. And how would they be able to, if Hogun was locked up?

"I think I may love them." Hogun said, feeling so damn pathetic, so damn sad.

"Love won't save you." Sigyn said, sparing him none, "Love is not enough. If it was, for how much I love you, you'd be healthy enough to fucking fly."

The very next day, Hogun woke up, feeling unfortunate for it but, knowing, with the very potent dread pooling within him, that Sigyn was right. She helped him pack up a few things he could take with himself and, then, she drove him to the hospital.

Doors to the ward he was to be in closed behind him. Hogun had no choice but to walk forward.

 

***

 

That night, cooped up within the confines of a room for preliminary evaluation with three other people, under the noise of snoring and gasping and breathing, Hogun dreamed of ice and snow. A planet so cold, he felt like it could freeze him in a second. All around him bathed in blue and gray darkness, against the wild beating wind and shards of ice, there were only sharp rocks and unforgiving cliffs.

Why was he there? Hogun tried to think, but his fuzzy dream laded brain did him no service, though there was a sense within him, that this wasn't his dream, that he was a stranger in someone else's mind, standing on someone else's land.

Just as the sense came about, the earth shook around him and he was falling deeper and deeper still into the absolute darkness.

Hogun gasped as he woke up, feeling strangely out of breath. Whatever he'd seen in his dream did not linger, thankfully, because he had to sleep, or at least pretend to be sleeping, otherwise he'd be marked down.

Days passed in the suffocating evaluation room, where it was decided that he did not pose a threat to himself or others. However, he would need to go to regular therapy and take his medication. Funny that, because nobody at all would check, and he could just go right out that door and never touch a single prescription pill or talk to a single person about it.

But, he couldn't. Obviously, he couldn't. Sigyn's presence in his life was on the line, and Hogun was loathe to lose her, even more so than he was hurt by Loki's continued absence.

This time around, Hogun decided he would take his time.

He wouldn't got to Loki's show, if they were even there, and he would absolutely not attempt to reach them via their number, which he still had. Sigyn would be happy, Hogun mused as he was walking back to his apartment, feeling glad for the cold if only because it wasn't the stuffy air of the crowded room he'd spent a week in.

And still, as he was walking through the clean wide streets of Norway's capital city, Hogun couldn't stop his thoughts from straying back to Loki, whether he liked it or not. Because, and at this point he had to admit it, he couldn't quite grasp the magnitude of what Loki had said they'd done. Rationally, of course, but, irrationally, sensibly, emotionally ... all he could still see of Loki, all he could feel, continued to fall onto their time together, onto what Hogun knew of Loki outside of their life in Asgård, and outside of whatever it was they were, or were doing, when they weren't with him.

Then again, Hogun didn't quite know whom to ask for advice seeing as how Sigyn did not believe him, and he could hardly ask her, or worse yet, ask his newly assigned psychiatrist, how exactly to deal with the reality of a genocide committed by his lover. That was to say nothing of the dreams that had plagued him during his stay in the hospital, going from the wretched cold wasteland of rocks to an exuberant gold palace where he could have sworn he'd seen Loki as a child, asking him to help them capture a bird of some kind.

That night, Hogun sat with Lizard, waiting for Sigyn to show up. She said she wanted to spend some time with him on account of his first step towards health.

Hogun didn't feel particularly healthy, in fact, he felt all sorts of ills and turmoils, and not even his wonderful Lizard seemed to help.

Staring at the creature now, Hogun could hear Loki's playful voice telling him of their pet snakes, and their own time as one, remembering how Loki had mentioned, on one of the nights they'd trained together: "Back then,“ Loki had said, „I pranked the wait staff by turning his plate into snakes. Of course, now, all I can do is slam someone's plate out of their hands, which is not nearly as fun or as funny as it sounds."

Smiling sadly at his Lizard, Hogun asked: "Do you think Loki is okay? They just left ... so sudden."

His lizard's round eyes peered at Hogun from his habitat, silent, and blinking every so often. Hogun didn't think Lizard had any kind of an opinion, not of him, or of Loki, and he begun to feel tired enough to not bother verbalizing any of his myriad of troubling questions. Instead, Hogun pulled up a blanket and laid down next to the creature's habitat, now peering up at him from underneath, wishing he could simply disappear, the same way Loki did.

But Loki wasn't gone, not like that. They were just gone from Hogun's world.

Since he had to call in sick from work, Hogun had nothing at all to do other than stay on the floor and wait for Sigyn, which is exactly what he did. However, upon hearing her knock, Hogun still rushed to get up, throwing the blanket onto the sofa instead, as if he hadn't just been plastered to his floor.

As soon as he opened the doors for her Sigyn jumped in to hug him, an embrace Hogun stiffly reciprocated, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You already look so much better." Sigyn said, "It seems you got some sleep."

Well, if she said it, then it must have been true. Hogun elected not to mention his strange dreams to her, nor his nightly waking from them, feeling cold and immeasurably lonely.

They'd sat down in the living room, Sigyn having brought some food which she'd spread on the coffee table.

"I know they don't have anything edible in the hospital, so I thought I might treat you." Sigyn said, smiling, though it was a pale smile, one that felt as if it existed for the sake of a gesture, rather than gladness.

"Thank you." Hogun said, and he'd begun to eat, because he knew he couldn't refuse the food, or else he'd be thought of as unwell.

Which he was, but still.

"So, I talked with Alex and Thea today ... " Sigyn said, and Hogun hummed, feeling a little fuzzy, " ... They would like to hang out. I told them I'd ask."

Hogun nodded noncommittally, chewing on a bite for longer than was necessary. Sigyn was probably frowning at him so he studiously stared at the food instead, which looked as bland as it tasted, even if it wasn't really.

"Hogun," Sigyn began, with that careful tone of voice, "I know it's not an instant fix, but it's a step forward. The meds will start working, and when they do, you'll feel better. And, I know talking to a stranger is not your thing, but it will have to be. For now, okay?"

"Yes." Hogun said, a blanket answer for all of it.

Glancing at Sigyn, Hogun confirmed his earlier suspicion. Also, there seemed to be something else she wanted to say, but Hogun would be hard pressed to demand it.

Eventually though, when they’d finished eating and Hogun had helped her clear the table, and they'd sat down in the kitchen for afternoon tea, Sigyn sighed, preparing herself to say whatever it was she needed to say. Hogun began to feel nervous, thinking she'd reconsidered their friendship status.

"Hogun, listen ... " Sigyn said, "Loki's gone. They cancelled their upcoming shows, and nobody has seen them since."

"What?" Hogun spat, suddenly fully awake.

However, Sigyn appeared neither urgent nor afraid, no, she was looking at him with sympathy in her eyes, as if this was a non disputable fact that touched her none and yet she knew that it would hurt him.

And it did. But it also did not make sense, not for all that time, however short, that they'd spent together. People did not just leave, not like that, not without a word!

"I'm not saying it's right," Sigyn said, "But, Hogun, Loki had a whole life you knew nothing about. Who knows why they left? Nevertheless, they have. I hope you can accept that, in time."

"I know more about Loki than you think." Hogun said, "More than you'd believe in. And they wouldn't ... they aren't a coward."

"It seems as though they are." Sigyn simply said, and Hogun did not know why her self-assuredness irritated him so much now, when it hadn't any other time before.

"Loki wouldn't just leave." Hogun said, "We ... we had something. Something honest."

"Oh, Hogun ... " Sigyn sighed, "I don't think Loki has ever been honest with anyone."

"They said that." Hogun said, "That everyone calls them a liar, when everyone around them lies to them. In spite of everything ... Loki did tell me the truth. Always. Whenever I asked."

"How do you know what Loki told you is the truth?" Sigyn asked, with all the compassion to spare.

"I just know." Hogun said, "I know. I know who Loki is."

Sigyn nodded, perhaps unwilling to fight on that further, though she then said, serious and intent: "Hogun, Angrboda told me Loki had sold their apartment. They left the country. They clearly don't mean to come back."

"Wait!" Hogun said, and it was all suddenly so vividly clear, "Angrboda. She, she's Loki's ex-wife. Loki said she has a ... that she has a grudge."

"A wife? Really?"

"Yes, really." Hogun said, feeling urgent as he asked: "Where did you meet her? How do you know her?"

"Uh ... she's friends with the owner of one of the clubs Loki performed at. She's the one who told me that thing I told you, you know, on that night I went with you to see Loki. We, uh ... we've gotten close since."

Hogun's eyes widened, and he felt as if somebody punched him in the face with a solid wooden board.

"Sorry I didn't tell you!" Sigyn rushed to add, "I just ... I wasn't sure. I would've told you last time but … we had more pressing matters. To think they were married though. She never told me that."

"Sigyn, I need you to tell me where I can find her." Hogun said, his brain unfreezing for his worry and fear.

"Why?"

"Sigyn, just trust me, please."

"Dude, you ... " Sigyn began, shaking her head in disbelief, "You told me a week ago you tried to kill yourself, you're currently taking heavy medication, and now you're back to obsessing over Loki. Sorry if I don't think you're in your right mind to barge in on my girlfriend!"

"Your girlfriend?" Hogun gasped, "Sigyn, she's not human either!"

"Hogun, please stop."

"Sigyn, I am not lying." Hogun insisted, "Loki is not human, and neither is Angrboda. They've been married centuries ago and ... and the crime Loki committed, she wants reparations for it."

"No, no." Sigyn said, "This is too much. Why are you like this all of a sudden? What the hell did Loki do to you?"

"Nothing, Loki did nothing to me." Hogun said, "You haven't seen what I saw. You don't know ... of course you don't believe me. But I'm asking you to trust me. I think Loki didn't leave, I think they're with Angrboda, and I think they're in danger."

"Oh my god," Sigyn gasped, shaking her head, "You are insane. I'm sorry, but you are, you must be."

Groaning out a sigh, Hogun said: "Sigyn. Loki and I have been training. I have this, this strange thing with electricity, and Loki has been teaching me how to channel it properly."

Predictably, Sigyn merely appeared as though her earlier statement had been proven, which got her visibly upset, though she did not leave. So, Hogun said: "Watch. Please?"

Still very much bewildered, Sigyn shook her head minutely, as Hogun went up to to the fridge and placed his hand on it, feeling certain it would be enough to siphon whatever energy he could. It would probably damage his fridge but, presently, a broken fridge would be the least of his problems.

Hogun closed his eyes and focused, breathing evenly, exactly how Loki had shown him, and by the virtue of his mere touch, his want, his calm, he could feel the pull of electric wires slowly travelling into his arm, under his skin, in his veins. He could see sparks beneath the darkness of his eyelids, and he was certain Sigyn could see it too.

Opening his eyes, Hogun pulled this energy into his other hand, holding it up and then letting it trickle back and out of him.

"What the fuck?" Sigyn swore, and Hogun explained: "It used to only happen when I played my guitar, but Loki assured me that I could do this without it. That I could control it. And I can, somewhat. It's all true, Sigyn. Please, trust me."

"What ... the fuck was that?" Sigyn spat again, seemingly either having not heard him or having been unable to.

"Sigyn, it's a long story and we don't have time." Hogun pleaded, hoping Sigyn would listen.

"I ... I don't know what to do." Sigyn said, clasping a hand over her mouth, distressed as she was, "I don't. But ... I do know you. At least, I think I do. You're a normal guy Hogun, right?"

"Yes, very." Hogun said.

"Some would say boring."

"Yes. Incredibly boring."

Sighing, Sigyn said: "Fine. Okay. We can ... go I guess. I'll call her."

Hogun breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you Sigyn."

"Right, okay." Sigyn said, nodding to herself, "I'll go ... get my phone."

Honestly, Hogun halfway expected Sigyn to call the ambulance, or the police even, for how she was still so visibly stressed out, but she hadn't. Hogun heard her talk over the phone, speaking almost completely through a string swears and incredulous whats.  
When she came back into the kitchen, Sigyn said: "So, fun fact. My girlfriend does have your partner, and they're at her house. She said she'd explain when we get there. Hogun, what in the fucking hell?"

„I was right.“ Hogun mumbled, suddenly feeling ever the more panicked, "We have to go Sigyn, now!"

With an aborted sound coming from her lips, Sigyn just nodded, frowning as she lead the way to her car. She drove away immediately, expression frozen somewhere between confused and distressed.

"Hogun ... if what you're saying is true, I don't know how I'll react." Sigyn said, "Hell, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now!"

"You get used to it." Hogun shrugged, "If Angrboda is anything like Loki, then she isn't so different from us. Maybe just more powerful. Older."

"Oh ... fuck me and my entire life." Sigyn moaned, gripping the wheel of her car with more force.

  
***


	10. Angrboda's Basement

Angrboda's house was all the way on the other side of town from Hogun's apartment, in a neighborhood strictly filled with family houses. And it was quiet there, so far away from the city center, that the growing sense of dread Hogun was feeling only grew.

For all that he didn't know what exactly they were getting into, Hogun feared that it might actually end up being dangerous. However, Sigyn parked the car and exited as if there was nothing to be scared of there. There was no hesitation in her step as she moved through the fence doors and walked towards the doors, ringing the bell.

It took barely a second for Angrboda to appear, certainly not enough time for Hogun to think more on what to do now that they were there.

"Sigyn." Angrboda greeted, smiling as she tried to embrace Sigyn who would not have it.

"Why didn't you tell me you were married?" Sigyn asked, eyes that familiar judgmental narrow.

"I haven't told you many things." Angrboda said, sounding a little sad.

Still, she moved to let them in. Once inside, Sigyn's gaze wavered none from her, while Hogun stood observing the rather spacious hallway, opening up to a well lit living room. There was a peculiar mix of scents there too, something woodsy, sort of like pines, if Hogun remembered well what they smelled like. There was an actual fireplace in there too, casting yet more of the warm homely light onto the large wooden furniture.

"This is your friend?" Angrboda asked, and Hogun took a second to realize she was trying to shake his hand.

Hogun did so, asking immediately: "Where's Loki?"

"Right down to business I see." Angrboda said, "Okay then. They're tied down in my basement. For safety reasons until their punishment is determined."

Sigyn spat: "What the fuck?" at the same time Hogun said: "Why would you ... they can't use their powers to harm!"

"Yes, well, I've known Loki's trickery to be particularly fond of loopholes." Angrboda said, while Sigyn continued to gape like a fish, looking between the two of them.

"So, you're telling me you have Loki tied up in your basement, and you just responded to Hogun's comment as if this is all very normal to you." Sigyn recounted, "I guess I should ask again, what the fuck and can someone tell me, honestly, what the hell is going on?"

"I will." Angrboda said, "I'll tell you everything."

She seemed so earnest. The way she was looking at Sigyn, how her expression softened and her eyes became somehow warmer, Hogun felt he should let them discuss it alone, at least the beginning, at least the truth of who Angrboda was.

So, he asked: "Can I see Loki?"

For a moment it seemed Angrboda would not allow it. But then, she glanced at Sigyn and back to Hogun, saying: "Yes. However, if you try and help them escape, I will know of it and I will stop you."

"Where is the basement?" Hogun asked, unwilling to indulge her threats.

Angrboda pointed to the end of the hallway, past the living room, "On your left, there are stairs leading down."

Hogun nodded, glancing at Sigyn, whose expression seemed frozen in a frown.

"Hogun, if you even think of leaving me here, my lying girlfriend will be the least of your problems." Sigyn said, and Hogun dared not ignore that.

"Yes, of course." Hogun said, "I just ... I need to see them."

Sigyn nodded and motioned for him to go then in a rather clipped and irritated movement. Hogun turned and left for the hallway, with one last thing from Angrboda: "I'd be careful, Hogun. Loki is not one who appreciates sentiment."

Wrong, Hogun thought. Then again, she had been their wife. Determined to prove himself correct, though more so to just see if Loki was okay, Hogun hurried down the hallway and the steps, ending up in front of a closed, thankfully unlocked, door.

Venturing in, Hogun found a small source of light coming from his left and then, there they were. Indeed, as Angrboda said, Loki was tied, though by nothing Hogun had ever seen before. It wasn't a rope, or chains, or even some sort of a wire, no ... it was something to be seen with barely a faint reflection of the small light source, the glint of it moving as Loki was breathing.

"Loki ... " Hogun gasped, once his eyes adjusted to the dim light and his brain caught up with what he was seeing, "You're ... blue. And you have horns!"

A low laugh came from Loki as they looked up, eyes a deep ruby red: "You've become more observant in my absence."

"Why ... how?" Hogun smartly mumbled, closing the door behind him and rushing to where Loki was, though he did not come too close.

"Angrboda," Loki spat, "She knows how much I despise this form. I imagine she's enjoying this at least as much as I hate it."

"Sigyn is up there too." Hogun said, intending to comfort: "We've come here to, uh, to save you."

Loki burst into laughter, shaking, the glint sliding along the bonds, "Save me? You can't save me. Angrboda is not going to let me go."

"Then ... " Hogun said, his breathing suddenly challenged, "Then why, why did you use that spell? Why did you enter my dreams?"

"I didn't." Loki said, appearing genuinely confused, a pinch to their brow.

"You did!" Hogun insisted, "I saw it, I saw ... I saw your world! The cold, the ... the ice. And then, the other one, the palace, the light. You, you were, young ... uh, younger, and you, you asked me to help you chase a bird!"

"What?" Loki spat, "I did no such thing. Angrboda caught me as soon as I left your apartment, and these, these _wretched_ bonds, they would not allow for spells!"

"I'm not lying." Hogun said, "You know I'm not."

Opening his mouth as if to say something more, a deeply etched frown to their expression, Loki merely looked lost, instead of thoughtful. Hogun knew Loki believed him, but if Loki did not send him those dreams, then who did?

"You should leave." Loki ended up saying, their pleading look in contrast to the harshness of their tone.

"No." Hogun said, "I'm not leaving."

"Do you have a death-wish?" Loki challenged, "Do you want Angrboda to murder you? She's certainly angry enough to trample anyone in her path."

"She didn't seem angry." Hogun said, "She was ... she was so gentle with Sigyn. I think, there must be more to this."

"There isn't." Loki said and, just as they said it, Hogun heard Sigyn scream.

Startled, Hogun saw Loki give him a pointed look, though he did not stay to say anything about it, rushing immediately back up the stairs and down the hallway to the living room. There, Sigyn sat upon Angrboda's lavish couch, eyes wide and face pale.

Angrboda stood to her front, her skin the same blue as Loki's, some sort of scarring protruding in thin lines across her body. Except, unlike Loki, Angrboda was much much bigger now. Taller, broader, muscular. Her hair, though, was the same as before, a deep fiery red.

"You're an alien!" Sigyn yelled, pointing her shaky hand at the now giant Angrboda.

"I suppose you could say that." Angrboda nodded, "At least as much as you are one."

Sigyn let out a nervous giggle, looking at Hogun and then back to Angrboda, "Are you seeing this, Hogun? Are you seeing this? Please tell me you're seeing this. Tell me I'm not crazy."

"You're not crazy." Hogun and Angrboda said at the same time, which only seemed to distress Sigyn further. Crumpling in on herself, Sigyn leaned her head onto her hands as she muttered: "What the fuck, what the fuck ... "

"Angrboda." Hogun said, steadying his stance as if it would help him, "I would like to speak with you about Loki."

"Oh, you would?" Angrboda said, motioning for the other sofa behind her, she said: "Sit down."

Hogun did, immediately, sitting awkwardly at the very end of it, his back as straight as a board, the only thing that helped him feel grounded. Sigyn was very out of it, but Angrboda sat down next to her regardless, the sofa dipping some under her considerable weight.

Sgiyn flinched minutely, shifting away from her which made Angrboda's expression rather more sullen. However, she recovered quickly, her expression shifting into a careful blank.

"I can't even guess as to what you know of Loki, but I'm not sure you'd want to know everything to begin with."

"Loki said the same thing." Hogun recalled, "But, they did tell me of their crime. And yet, I'm still here."

"So you are." Angrboda said, "I suppose, it's no good to underestimate Loki's charm."

"Charm?" Sigyn suddenly spat, looking downtrodden, "Must be a potent drug then, because my fool of a friend is head over heels for them."

"I see." Angrboda said, glancing at Sigyn with something like regret, "But you need not be a mere fool to fall for Loki. You need only be trusting."

"I do trust them." Hogun insisted, "Loki has never lied to me."

"Well then, you would be the only one." Angrboda said, "What a privileged position to hold. Though I'm having trouble seeing how your love could be greater than their crime. Have you no sense of what they'd done? Is genocide not frowned upon in your society?"

"It is." Hogun said, "Of course it is. But ... I still want to know. I need to know everything."

Shrugging, Angrboda said: "Everything? Well enough. If you think you're ready, I will tell you of Loki."

"Please." Hogun said, bowing his head and hoping so very much that he would not regret it.

Angrboda's voice lowered, as her eyes turned to the fire burning in the fireplace, "Loki was born a runt on Jötunheimr. Odin found them, abandoned, after he too had ravaged our lands in war, and took them to Asgard. I met them a long time after that, when we both were grown. I did not want to meddle in either Aesir or Jötun affairs but, at the behest of my mother, I befriended Loki. She was certain Loki could be useful eventually given they'd been granted such a high position in Odin's court. Family, of all things. But ... as you well know, Loki's charm, their appeal, strayed my mind as well."

Hogun wanted to ask why Loki was abandoned, feeling his heart ache for the fact, but he was loathe to interrupt Angrboda, growing certain that he was lucky to have her tell her and Loki's story to them so openly.

Sigyn, however, had no such qualms.

"What the fuck is a Jötun? And what the hell, you're telling me Odin, like, actual Odin, is real? Oh fuck ... does that mean Valhalla is real too? Hel? Oh fuck ... "

"Sigyn, breathe." Angrboda warned softly, "Yes. Odin is real. So is Valhalla, so is Hel. But you need not worry, for humans go to neither."

"Oh yeah, that makes me feel so much better." Sigyn spat, "Where do we go then? Fancy Human Heaven, or nowhere at all? Oh, and by the way, before you continue focusing on Loki's lies, I'd love it if you'd consider your own."

"Sigyn ... " Angrboda began, and Hogun once more felt like he was intruding on highly personal matters.

But then, to have Angrboda instead of Loki reveal to them Loki's whole history well, that was already the same thing. Similar, at least, Hogun thought.

"Please, what happened next?" Hogun asked.

"The next thing, yes." Angrboda said, turning away from Sigyn with a pained expression, "I married them in secret, in Vanaheimr. But even before that, I'd already begun to lose sight of my purpose. Still, I wasn't warned that Loki's seidr would grow ever stronger in the realm of the Vanir, and so ... it had soon come about that they'd seen through my glamour. Oh, the hatred in their eyes, it was as cold and sharp as the icy rains of my world."

"So, you are right." Angrboda said to Sigyn, „I lied. My lies to you, I have no excuse for other than my own fear of seeing the same hatred reflected in your eyes. But, the lies I told Loki were for the sake of my people. I was tasked with saving us, our realm, and I failed. Loki's hatred and my failure cost us a loss we can not begin to recover from. My punishment has been done, but Loki's has yet to be given."

"They were banished." Hogun said, recalling Loki's words to him, "Their magic partially restricted."

"And you think that punishment enough?" Angrboda challenged, "For the slaughter of the Jötnar people, _my_ people, Loki is sent to Midgard; a place where their magic persists, where they can prance around on stage and feed their power fantasies? The same fantasy that had been the cause of their crime? You think this is just?"

"I ... " Hogun spoke, not really knowing what to say. Angrboda had all the right to anger, all the right to seek a harsher punishment.

Sadly, Hogun still felt more for Loki than he should, than he should allow himself to feel. This was Angrboda's side of the story, and he wanted to hear Loki's.

"So, do aliens just get banished here when they fuck up?" Sigyn asked, "Is this planet like a dumpster for alien criminals?"

"I do not know why Odin chose Midgard for Loki." Angrboda said, "Perhaps Odin thought this distance from Loki's source of magic would be enough. Perhaps, the old fool that he is, he thought Loki would be miserable here, in this comparatively common realm."

"Wow." Sigyn gasped, "Just, wow."

"Do you think," Hogun interjected, "We could hear what Loki has to say?"

"The words of a criminal will ever only be in their defense." Angrboda said, with damning finality.

"Please." Hogun said, "If you'd allow me, I'd like to ask them."

"I can tell you right now, what Loki will say." Angrboda insisted, "Loki will claim it was their duty, their birthright as the prince of Asgard. They just did what Thor couldn't, they'll say. And they'd do it all again."

"Thor?" Sigyn chose to point out, "Really now?"

"Angrboda, I plead with you, let us hear Loki's story." Hogun tried again, to which Angrboda rolled her eyes.

"Fine then." Angrboda said, "But all Loki will tell you this time will be lies, I assure you."

 

***

 

"Oh, how lovely." Loki spat, laughing lowly, "Everyone is here."

"Tell this human of your crimes." Angrboda commanded, "Against my advice, he wants to know."

Loki blinked a few times, frowning as they did, looking like they were trying not to speak, their mouth twisted shut.

"Loki, tell him, now." Angrboda commanded once more, and Loki let out a breath they'd clearly been holding.

"I slaughtered half of all Jötnar." Loki said through gritted teeth, "I wish I'd slaughtered them all."

Hogun stood still, disbelieving those words just as surely as they'd spilled from Loki's mouth.

"See?" Angrboda said, "Loki does not regret their actions."

However, Loki grimaced once more, as if fighting something outside of themselves, and Hogun looked to Angrboda.

"Are you forcing him to tell the truth?"

Eyebrow lifted, Angrboda hummed, "Perceptive. Interesting. I inspelled them before they spoke, so as to not burden your perspective with their lies."

"I don't ... " Loki muttered, "I do regret what I've done! Your spell is foul, badly done." They managed, though it looked like it pained them to say it.

"Perhaps both is the truth." Angrboda said, "You regret what you've done, but only insofar as it has gotten you nowhere. You're not the king of Asgard, nor are you its prince."

"I was never supposed to be the king." Loki spat, "How could I have been? How, when I'm burdened by your wretched blood!"

"Loki ... " Hogun said, feeling like an outsider in front of his lover, the person he thought was their friend,  "Why did you do it? Tell me, please."

"Well, I can hardly lie, now can I?" Loki said, glaring at Angrboda, who shifted none in her strength upon that steely gaze.

Hogun was glad Sigyn had stayed behind, because this did not seem as though it would be pleasant for anyone.

Licking his lips, Loki spat: "I tricked my brother into an attack on Jotunheimr, at the same time as I plotted with them to take over the throne. I'd say that was quite smart of me, though many would disagree. Of course, that wasn't enough. Jötunheimr and my sorry excuse for a father would never allow me to rule peacefully. These ... disgusting creatures, to know I am one of them, to know that this made me second-rate ... "

"Angrboda, please lift your spell." Hogun near but demanded, heart beating wildly in his chest.

Loki stopped speaking, at the same time as Angrboda asked: "Why? You wanted to know the truth."

"I want Loki to tell me." Hogun said, "I want them to tell me because they want to. I want them to look at me, if there's anything left of what we had, and I want ... I want to understand."

"You truly are a fool." Angrboda said, though by Loki's relieved expression, Hogun saw that she had lifted the spell.

"Contend with their lies then." Angrboda said, "You have ten minutes."

To this, Angrboda left, closing the door behind her. Now alone, in the dim light of Angrboda's basement, Hogun exhaled, falling onto his knees to Loki's height.

"Loki." Hogun said, feeling now as though he should admit: "I thought I'd never see you again."

Scoffing, Loki said: "You say this, even now? How can you?"

"I love you." Hogun blurted out, switching to his native tongue, and once he did, he couldn't stop: "What you did is horrible, absolutely terrible! I can find no excuses for you, and I know you won't be able to either. But I want to know what made you think to do that, what truly made you want it! I want ... I _need_ to understand ... so I can see you properly. So I can be with you, if you want to stay with me."

"Angrboda won't let me stay." Loki said, "She will ask for my head. Odin already knows she has me, either because Skurge managed to overcome his uselessness to contact him, or the watcher has told him. Either way, someone will be coming for me."

"Loki," Hogun said, "That's not an answer."

Rolling his eyes, Loki even gave him a small smile, though it faded quickly.

"I don't know exactly why I did it, Hogun." Loki said, "Which is probably worse than knowing. I was angry. Most of all, I was in pain. I've been told I was something I was not, something I could never be. But, barring that lie, I was left to die by my own father. Because I was less, even in Jötunheimr, I was always _less_."

"That's no reason to kill anyone." Hogun said.

„It isn't.“

„Okay.“ Hogun said.

Loki's tears fell from his red eyes, glinting much the same as their bonds, their expression twisted into something truly desperately sorrowful. Hogun's heart ached at the sight.

"I fucked up." Loki said, their expression twisted in pain, as if to stop further tears, "I destroyed everything. Odin knew what I was, _he knew_. I don't understand why he ... why he even gave me hope to begin with. He should have imprisoned me the same as his other spoils of war. Or else, I wish he'd left me on Jötunhemir. If I'd died when I was meant to, none of this would have happened."

"Don't say that." Hogun said, "There must be something, anything at all, that you cherish from your life. It can't all have been so painful for you."

"It hadn't been." Loki said, "But it is now."

"You still call him brother." Hogun said, reaching for that one single thread, though he saw that it merely unraveled what was left of Loki's composure.

Wincing, as if they just then became aware of it, Loki whispered, their hair falling over their shoulders as their head bowed, "He's not my brother. He means nothing to me."

"He means something." Hogun dared to say, "The queen of Asgard, she is your adopted mother, is she not? She taught you how to use your magic. She must care for you, she must worry, even now. Especially now."

"They should have been here already." Loki mumbled, "I wonder where they are ... perhaps Odin means to leave me here. Angrboda is not so violent, but she can administer punishment when angered ... I wonder ... "

"Loki ... " Hogun spoke, willing them to look up.

Loki kept their eyes down, their long hair covering half of their face. Still, Hogun didn't need to see their eyes to know that they continued to be filled with tears, as the minute trembling of Loki's shoulders signaled their quiet sobs.

Hogun had no damn idea what to do. This was all much bigger than him, so beyond his comprehension, that he wasn't entirely certain he wasn't still dreaming. And then, he wondered, if Loki hadn't sent him those dreams ... well, perhaps he was having them on his own, a product of how much he was missing Loki, a product, really, of his exhausted mind.

Or, there might have been another option, once that could very well bring Loki hope ...

With no proof of it, however, Hogun saw that he would not be able to convince Loki of anything, least of all something he had no way of truly knowing. Hogun kind of wished somebody would appear, somebody from Loki's home, who cared for them enough to lend them a hand in this shitty situation.

And yet, the basement stood still, the relative darkness for the dim light discomforting.

"Loki, we'll figure this out." Hogun said, "I ... I promise. I won't leave you alone."

Scoffing, though they did not look up, Loki muttered: "You should. Leave ... there's nothing here for you."

Perhaps there wasn't, Hogun thought, but ... no, he could not just leave. Not like this, not right then. Loki had helped him so much already, when they had no reason to, so who would Hogun be if he didn't at least try to do the same? Besides, his dumbass heart ached at the idea of leaving Loki alone, tied and helpless in Angrboda's basement.

Before he could insist on it however, the door to the basement opened, and their time was up.

"They'll be here soon enough." Angrboda said, though Loki did not react or respond, "I'm certain Odin is simply devising a plan to keep a pretense of fairness. After all, I did challenge him, bringing you here."

"Please, let me stay with Loki." Hogun said, worried to leave now, when Loki was like this.

"No." Angrboda said, "You've had your time. Now, come. Sigyn is very drunk, and I need your help."

Hogun was loathe to leave, but he did not see another choice. Not right then. He spared one last glance at Loki, willing them to know that he was not going to leave them, not here, and certainly not when whomever needed to come negotiate, did come.

When they climbed back upstairs, Hogun saw that, indeed, Sigyn was drunk. Either their conversation had lasted for longer than he'd thought, or Sigyn had drunk something strong very fast.

With her poor alcohol tolerance, Hogun guessed he shouldn't have been surprised either way.

"I don't know what to do." Angrboda admitted, sounding less like an intimidating giant and more like a lost child, "I have never seen anyone in this state. Not ever her."

"She doesn't usually drink so much."

Moving closer to where Sigyn was sprawled on Angrboda's sofa, a half empty bottle of some sort of a liquor sitting next to her on the table, Hogun asked: "Sigyn, are you okay?"

"Am I okay?!" Sigyn spat loudly, "Me? Oh me, oh my ... I'm always okay, aren't I? Always okay Sigyn, always fixing everyone else, Sigyn ... Sigyn ... you know, that is a strange name. It is, isn't it?"

"I don't know." Hogun said, feeling about as helpless as Angrboda, which wasn't a comparison he thought he'd get to make.

"Hey, where's my lying girl?" Sigyn asked, trying and failing to get up, "Hey! Ang, Ang ... "

Angrboda appeared behind Hogun, startling him. She had a glass of water in her hand.

"This will help?" She asked, and Hogun nodded, however Sigyn smacked her hand once it approached, the water spilling on Angrboda's expensive looking carpet.

"Sigyn ... " Angrboda said.

"Ang! Ang Ang ... you're so big now. So big." Sigyn mumbled, her eyes half closed, "Why didn't you grow so big when we fucked? That ... that would've been awesome. You're awesome. I like you. But you lied to me ... you're a big giant liar!"

Giggling to herself, Sigyn reached for the bottle but Hogun snatched it first.

"Fuck you Hogun!" Sigyn spat, "You ... you're not a liar. But you're an asshole."

"Yes, I know." Hogun said, "And you've had enough."

Hogun handed the bottle to a very misplaced looking Angrboda, who left to presumably put it back from where Sigyn had found it.

"Sigyn, I am sorry." Hogun said, "I know you hate me saying that so often, but I am. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you meant to hurt yourself." Sigyn said, suddenly serious, though her eyes were still glazed over, "And that hurt me. So deal with it."

"Yes." Hogun said, "You're right."

"I always am." Sigyn said, placing her hand on her forehead, finally closing her eyes, "Hey ... you remember the first time we met?"

"I do." Hogun said, and he did, vividly. He'd just settled in Norway after his travels, feeling lonely and very much out of place.

"You ... everyone thought you were so stuck up. Or stupid, even." Sigyn said, "You, you couldn't speak our language, and just enough English to get by. We think that. We're awful sometimes."

"Yes." Hogun said.

"But I ... " Sigyn mumbled, "I didn't think that. I loved you from the moment we met. I knew that ... and I tried."

"Yes. You even tried to learn Japanese, as I recall." Hogun said, remembering it fondly. 

"I was so bad at it." Sigyn moaned, "So bad. I still am. It's ... hard. A hard language."

"Yes it is." Hogun easily agreed, "So is yours."

"Yes." Sigyn said, "Hard ... very. You suck at it less though. Now."

Hogun could not but hold her hand then, the one Sigyn had kept outstretched, and he was glad to find her grip tight.

"Hogun ... " Sigyn mumbled, „What the hell is all this? We ... we both fucked aliens. We're both ... we're both in love with them. What ... what the fuck."

"I don't know." Hogun said, for lack of anything else sensible or smart.

"Yeah ... " Sigyn mumbled, quieting, "I'm gonna sleep. Now."

Sigyn's grip on his hand loosened. Hogun wanted to keep an eye on her, just in case, but he knew that he also had to find Angrboda, and tell her, well ... anything at all he could think of to save Loki from an unfortunate fate.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I don't need to explicitly say it lol, but for the sake of clarity: I've imagined the end of Thor 1 with Loki having never let go of Gungnir, having instead been sentenced immediately. So, no Thanos and definitely no Avengers business.


	11. Loki's Punishment

"You have an indoor garden." Hogun said, once he'd managed to locate Angrboda some ways past her kitchen, finding her within a muddied glass enclosure.

"Yes." Angrboda said, "Sigyn tried to do the same, though she'd barely kept her basil plant alive. She hasn't the hand for it."

"Sigyn has told me about it. I didn't realize it was you." Hogun said, noticing how softly Angrboda was handling her plants, "You ... seem gentle." hoping he did not overstep.

"I was." Angrboda said, "Yes. A long time ago.", dusting her gloves of dirt, she added quietly: "But the war, it has made us all come undone. And, it seems, Odin's plague continues unabated."

"There is no excuse for what Loki did." Hogun said, "But ... "

"But, you love Loki." Angrboda said, a sad smile to her expression, "I regret what has happened to them. I regret ... that they were forced to grow outside of their true home. I know, perhaps more so than anyone, how misplaced Loki was feeling, even back then. They'd known something was wrong, they just didn't know what."

"Angrboda," Hogun began, recalling what she'd said earlier, "When you were on ... Vanaheimr? Uh, how come Loki didn't see past their own glamour?"

"The Allfather's spell was too strong, and it's permanent." Angrboda said, her expression twisting into something unpleasant, "Not but the Casket of Ancient Winters can truly diminish its power. They are glamoured now though, but ... it won't hold."

"Then ... why did you do it?" Hogun asked, wincing on Loki's behalf. They hated their true nature, something Hogun could not begin to unravel so easily, nor really even help with.

 "It is time they faced the truth, I think." Angrboda simply said, "Now, let's move to the kitchen, shall we? I do not wish to disturb my plants any more with such horrible things."

Hogun nodded, walking behind Angrboda's imposing form. When they'd sat down at the table in her kitchen Angrboda made two shot glasses appear and the bottle of the rest of whatever it was that Siygn had consumed. She poured the liquid into both glasses, swiftly drinking her own, and immediately pouring more. Hogun didn't think he'd ever drunk as much as he'd had these past few weeks, and he hoped dearly that his stomach would not fail him now, although it was certainly on its way there because whatever this liquor was, it was much stronger than he was used to. That was to say nothing of the precarious situation he was in with Angrboda, whose expression bellied a twisted sort of anger.

"I may sympathize with Loki, Hogun, but their punishment needs to be met." Angrboda said, "They ... they _decimated_ my planet. They killed our leader. We are broken now, and I fear we might not recover. The treaty was weak to begin with, but now ... what's to stop anyone else from dealing us a final blow? More so, if the truth of Loki's favorable punishment spreads further than it already has."

Her eyes lowering to the glass where the liquid still remained, Angrboda said: "I wasn't there. I was ... upon my failure, I was also banished. I've traveled through many rotten planets trying desperately to ponder not on my mistake, on my own ... on my own love for them. I couldn't even hope to ... I didn't even know what had happened. I found out, not from my own people, but from local gossip."

Angrboda's eyes filled with tears as her voice cracked, though she did not let them fall.

"I'm sorry." Hogun said, feeling how weakly it came out.

"Yes." Angrboda said, finally downing her second shot. Pouring more, she said: "I'm not even sure Odin will listen to me. For all I know, there will be soldiers sent to kill me for my kidnapping of Loki. To challenge him in this way ... well, I suppose we shall see."

"We don't have to ... " Hogun hurried to say, thinking how best to phrase his plead.

"Speak freely, Hogun." Angrboda said, and Hogun did.

"Loki's punishment ... Can't they make their penance to you in some other way?"

"Their penance is not to me alone." Angrboda said, "The only way to reach a fair judgement is if Loki stands trial. This time, with their victims also present."

"Please," Hogun tried, "They do feel regret. They do feel pain. Loki has told me so once, before I even knew what they were talking about. If they know, then there must be a way to redeem them, to do something right here, with us."

"You fear for Loki. You fear what their punishment will be." Angrboda said, "I understand that. And yet, whether Loki does or doesn't understand the gravity of their crime it hardly matters to all the innocents who _did_ die on account of their anger and their pain. What punishment would you propose, Hogun, that would be fair towards such destruction?"

"I ... I don't know." Hogun said, even though he knew, for crimes of this gravity, even on Earth, the punishment would hardly be light. All that he did know for certain, though he could not say it outright, was that he did not want Loki to die. However, it seemed as though he did not have to speak the words, for how softly sympathetic Angrboda's expression suddenly became. There was understanding in her eyes too, if Hogund dared to think so.

"If it will ease your worry," Angrboda said, her voice low and regretful, "I suppose I should admit that I couldn't kill Loki even when they'd found out my true purpose. For my part, I will likely be unable to support them losing their head to a swift blade even now, even after all they'd done. But, Hogun, I will also tell you this: Loki hesitated none in attempting to kill me once they'd seen through my glamour."

"That's ... that's the truth?" Hogun asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Angrboda didn't need to say it, no. Hogun frowned, thinking on this strange dichotomy between his and Angrboda's Loki. He'd felt Loki's mischievous spirit, certainly, and there was always a sense of danger to them, but there was also something warm and comforting, in the moments at least, when Loki felt safe to let Hogun see it. Indeed, Loki did indulge in the myriad of people looking at them with interest, awe even, they fed on the crowd's adoration of them during their performances, and yet ... Hogun could hardly conjure up an image of this Loki, for whom death of others meant nothing under the weight of their own feelings, their own wants. A prince walking the halls of his home, this palace he had seen in his dreams ...

In an instant more that Hogun took to gather his thoughts, a blinding burst of light sparked through a thunderous roar within Angrboda's kitchen.

Startled, Angrboda sat frozen in her chair wide eyed, looking at ...

Oh, fuck.

"Thor ... " Angrboda said, recovering quickly as she stood up, "Are you here to kill me?"

"I'm here for my brother."

Hogun rose from his chair too, intending to sneak to Loki while Angrboda and Thor talked, if what they were doing could have been considered talking, considering both of their stances looked battle ready, their voices booming within the small space of Angrboda's kitchen.

"I can't allow you to see Loki." Angrboda said.

"You've gone against the Allfather by doing this, surely you understand as much." Thor said, "Now, please, lead me to my brother."

"No." Angrboda said, standing her ground.

Nodding a little to himself, Thor said: "If you've hurt him, you won't have to wait for anyone else to come here, trust me."

"I haven't hurt them!" Angrboda spat, "I ... you know Loki's punishment is favorable and unjust! Somebody had to intervene."

Hogun managed to move barely to the exit and before he even so much as left the kitchen, Thor, and for fuck's sake it was Thor, turned to him, steadying his furious gaze upon him.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh ... I ... "

"Honestly," Thor said, glancing at a sleeping Sigyn through the open passageway into the living room before turning back to Angrboda, apparently satisfied that Hogun would not leave, "Why are humans involved in this matter?"

Pointedly not mentioning Sigyn, Angrboda said: "Loki was the one who sought this human out, and they only did it because they had the freedom to do so, freedom that was freely given to a murderer by your father!"

"Watch how you speak!" Thor yelled, "Now, erase their memories and let them go."

"No!" Hogun protested, while Angrboda said simply: "I won't do that. Your brother has somehow earned this human's devotion, his love. I won't take that away from them."

"I thought you didn't care."

"You know I do." Angrboda said, "I still do, regardless of sense. And so do you. But, the matter of this human is beyond us. Loki's sentence, however, isn't."

"I care for Loki more than you'll ever know." Thor said, "Therefore, I must speak with him."

"No." Angrboda said, "At least, not by yourself."

"Fine then," Thor reluctantly agreed, "You may accompany me. Where is he?"

Hogun felt stranded, for the power of these two beings. And yet, something told him not to give up so easily, not right then.

"Loki's downstairs." Hogun said, "Chained."

Thor did actually sort of look at him then, as if observing a peculiar fly pestering him. Still, Hogun did not look away. He stood strong, he had to, for Loki. For himself.

"You ... " Thor spoke, inching ever closer to him. Hogun could practically feel the electricity in the air but ... that wasn't what he was scared of. Not anymore.

Standing strong and steady, he let it pass through him. Thor stopped short of a few feet away, a frown to his brow.

"I feel power of some sort from you." Thor said, "What is it?"

"I don't know." Hogun said, "It just is. Loki ... they helped me control it. Understand it better."

Thor hummed, something of a smile gracing his hardened expression, "Loki _was_ always good at tricks."

"It's no trick." Hogun defended, "What they have, what I have ... I ... uh, It's stronger than you think."

"So it may well be." Thor amended, expression softening, "I see. Well, it seems Midgard is not short on extraordinary beings."

"Is it just you?" Angrboda suddenly asked, a trace of worry in her steady voice.

"For now." Thor said, turning to her, "More will come, should we not resolve this amicably."

"I don't think we can." Angrboda said.

It was hopeless, Hogun thought. For a second there, he didn't think he could sustain his nerves through it all. Even if it would be absolutely the dumbest thing to do, he was ready to run downstairs and use his own power to help Loki escape.If only to give them time, or so Hogun told himself.

But then, Thor said: "We may yet. Angrboda, lead me to my brother."

Angrboda nodded, though she seemed for a moment hesitant. Still, she stood strong as she walked in front of them. Before they exited the hallway fully, Hogun spared a glance at the living room, relieved to see that Sigyn was still asleep. Surely seeing Thor would blow her mind further. Besides, there was time to tell her. Slowly.

Of course, when they did actually climb down to the basement, Hogun wished Sigyn was with him, her strength as of yet unmatched by either him or his abilities. Sure, he could be a pretty good conduit for electricity, but what did that matter when he was faced with two sort of gods a giantess and an improvised tribunal?

Regardless of his wishes though, he was alone. Hogun saw this even more clearly once they entered the basement, Loki's head bowed, the same as when he left, though their posture was more relaxed. For all the world it looked like they were sleeping. Hogun knew better. Sure enough, Angrboda's glamour was also gone, as if swept by Thor's timely arrival.

"Brother ... " Thor spoke in a gentle voice, contrasting against his own imposing form.

Loki did not respond, but that did not stop Thor from kneeling to their front, reaching as if to touch them, though seemingly thinking better on it.

"Brother, please look at me."

This plea likewise went unanswered. However, Loki did look up, poising their gaze on Hogun instead, who felt all the weight of it keenly enough to nearly collapse under it.

"Why is he here?" Loki asked, and Hogun had no idea why he was asking him, but before he could mumble out any kind of a response, Angrboda said: "Your brother is here to speak on your behalf."

Smiling crookedly, Loki nodded to themselves, saying: "This? It's a charade of yours. We are all here on your behalf and yours alone. My sentence has been met, there's nothing to talk about."

"Brother, Angrboda has grievances with you that need to be settled." Thor said, though there was something about the way the man stood, Hogun thought, stiff and guarded and ... as if he was preparing for something.

Angrboda seemed none the wiser, as her anger boiled once more, "It's not a mere grievance!" She yelled, "Your brother's actions have yielded a broken world, a broken planet. My family is gone. If it was your family, your world, Thor, I have no doubt you'd ask for the murderer's head!"

Even Thor could not seem to summon an immediate protest, his expression falling for the likely truth of it. Glancing at Loki, Hogun noted that there wasn't anything there to decipher other than annoyance until, that was, Loki glanced back. They smiled, though it was not their usual smirk. It was something faint, something small, something just for him, Hogun thought. And yet, there was nothing he could do, nothing at all, standing there as he was, surrounded by the strength of the two imposing figures of Angrboda and Thor, swept nearly off his feet by the growing tension.

"What do you want then, Angrboda?" Thor finally asked, sounding a bit terse.

"Public trial." Angrboda said immediately, "Jötunheimr's delegates must be present. And I ... I wish to be there too."

"Jötunheimr has issued no complaint over Loki's sentence." Thor said, though his terse tone relaxed into a sigh as he said: "I understand what you mean to do here. But, this won't relieve you of your own punishment."

"Even so, we'd have justice." Angrboda said, voice low and thrumming with carefully blanketed sadness.

Hogun's heart ached for her, but in the very next moment Thor's voice had once more risen in tone: "My brother has been serving his sentence here, as he is meant to, with no reason for any of us to think otherwise. My contest is this: Release him and I will speak on on your behalf, for your banishment to be lifted."

"No." Angrboda said, "Absolutely not."

Thor's expression falling just minutely enough to be noticed, Hogun wondered what Loki thought of Thor's shifting diplomacy and sentiment, surmising that it may well be one of the things about their brother that frustrated them. After all, for a man in such a precarious situation to be so open and honest was probably unwise.

And yet, Thor said easily: "You have no claim to keep my brother imprisoned here, you know that, Angrboda. As for Jötunheimr, they have more than enough to worry for than to merely set their sights on revenge."

Angrboda clicked her tongue, sporting a rather exhausted grimace, "It seems as though no matter what I say, you will never hear me. You said others would come?"

"If we don't settle this, yes." Thor said, his stance fast becoming guarded as he gripped his hammer nearly imperceptibly tighter.

Nodding to herself, Angrboda said: "Very well then."

Suddenly, the air around them shifted, as if by her mere thought. Sticky and heavy, something like a vacuum settled over them and Hogun felt his breath seize in his lungs, unable to bring forth any air. Soon, his eyes began to blur and he fell to his knees, glancing through the fog to see the same had happened to Thor.

Angrboda stood over them, shifting her hands slowly for a burst of light. Seconds later, Hogun felt his arm gripped tight, pulling him up as Angrboda's mouth formed words to him, though he could not make them out. Still, for some reason he fought her grasp, managing to fall back, barely feeling the pain of his fall as his eyes closed against imminent unconsciousness.

 

***

 

The first thing he heard was Thor's voice, but it seemed to be coming from a distance, somewhere too far away ... as if they weren't in the same room, but they had been, had they not? Bleary eyed, Hogun managed to shake off the deep unconscious, at first not understanding what had happened, when and why. Shifting to lift himself up, Hogun found he still couldn't quite see very well, though he could not presently tell if it was because of the dimmed light in the room, or because he was somehow dizzy, even sitting down as he was.

"She'll likely ask for my head." He heard Loki say, "Even if we did once love each other. I felt a sort of kinship with her. I suppose ... I'd soon see why."

"Loki ... you're not like her." Thor said, insistent but quiet.

"Oh, but I am." Loki simply said, sounding worn down and tired, "I'm the monster we read about growing up, the monster your father spent his lifetime killing. Until, that was, he brought one to his home, to play at being his son or the sake of some weak future attempt at diplomacy."

"You are his son, Loki." Thor said, "And you are my brother."

Hogun could tell, even if he didn't really know Thor, that there was honesty in his voice, for all that he could hear. He tried blinking a few times to clear his eyes and then he saw it, Thor's hammer within a barrier of some kind, the source of that dim light, the only source of light in the room now, folded around it. So that's why they were still down there, Hogun realized, remembering suddenly what had transpired.

"Uh ... " Hogun groaned, and he tried to assemble a question, but for some reason his tongue felt heavy and dry, his mouth unable to form words of any kind.

"Hogun?"

That was Loki, and they did look concerned. Still tied, Loki tried to shuffle towards him on his knees, but it seemed to pain them.

"Loki, don't move." Thor said, and Hogun noticed Thor had a binding of his own around him, though markedly different than that of Loki's.

There was no light glinting over Thor's binds. They were dark and rope like, wrapped around him close together and tight, preventing him from even so much as kneeling properly. Angrboda must have done it, Hogun realized, and with a start he got up instead, ignoring the throbbing in his head. Fuzzy as his vision was, Hogun could have sworn that this rope like thing around Thor looked like branches of a tree.

Loki must have said something to him, but Hogun didn't hear it. Frantic, he rushed to the basement doors, only to be zapped by a burst of light that made him nearly fall over.

"This whole room stinks of her magic. The whole house, in fact." Loki said. Turning around, trying not to wince at yet another source of pain that had flared up in his hand, Hogun saw Loki's disdainful gaze, focused on Thor.

"I can't believe she got the better of you." They said, "The great and mighty Thor, beaten by a lowly frost giant."

"Loki ... "  Thor sighed, and there was a response to his lips, but he visibly held back, saying this instead: "I came here to broker peace. I did not know she would be so ... stubborn."

"Yes, well," Loki said, "You should have come here prepared, given that your skills at diplomacy are utterly abysmal."

"She's in pain." Hogun said, feeling his throat ache for it. Lowering himself slowly back down to lean against the basement wall, Hogun managed: "She may not be so rational right now."

"I thought I did rather well, still ... " Thor muttered, "But I suppose your friend is right, Loki. Angrboda's grief is certainly deep." Sighing, he added: "Your actions have yielded not but problems for us."

"Then let her do what she will with me." Loki spat, "You should have stayed in your cozy little home, Thor."

"It's your home too." Thor said, insisting once more on what Hogun began to see was merely Thor's truth.

"My home is neither there, nor here." Loki said, "I might as well float in space like so much discarded garbage. It would make no difference to anyone."

"You're being foolish, Loki!" Thor said, raising his voice a bit, "You ... looking down upon you as you barely held on ... if you'd let go, I wouldn't have words to speak of my grief."

"You never did know how to speak." Loki admonished bitterly, "Likely a product of your oafish brain."

"Insult me all you wish, Loki, that is nothing new to me." Thor said, though his expression told a different story. Not that it was anything new, but that it still hurt.

And speaking of that, Hogun managed, though it was rather pathetic and he'd hate himself for it later: "I would care. You know I would."

He said it in Japanese, foolishly realizing only too late that Thor could also understand him, because his eyes traveled to him at the same time as Loki's, though with markedly different gazes.

"Hogun ... " Loki tried, and it really wasn't so usual that they would not know what to say. It seemed like that right then, however, a fact which made even Thor look a bit surprised.

"Ah, I see." Thor said, "If our circumstances were different, I would have said I was glad."

"Glad for what?" Loki asked, their previously terse tone softened none.

Thor smiled, "It seems your punishment has not had an effect dissimilar to mine. Living the way we had ... perhaps we both needed this."

"Clarity. Knowledge of worlds beyond our own." Thor said, upon seeing Loki's grimace, "Someone to see beyond our worse qualities, our upbringing. And us, to be humbled by affection."

"Poetic." Loki spat, "But I don't need that. I don't need anything right now except for you to leave my sight."

"That may be," Thor said, something of a smug smile playing on his face, "But it seems as though neither of us will be going anywhere any time soon."

Hogun thought that, perhaps, Thor did not yet understand their situation fully, or else he merely wanted his brother to listen to him. Like this, Loki would have to. Except that, as if summoned by Thor's proclamation, suddenly there was banging to be heard outside, and after a burst of light, the doors opened.

Sigyn was standing there, looking pale and ill, and in the tightness of her expression Hogun saw she was probably somewhere between irritated and tired.

"Wonderful." Sigyn said, more to herself, "There's two of you."

"That's Thor." Hogun blurted out before Thor could introduce himself, to which Sigyn merely shrugged.

"Of course he is." She said, sighing, though her eyes widened slightly as she looked up: "I thought you said Loki was chained?"

For a moment uncomprehending, Hogun glanced at Loki, seeing the binds there still, though something felt suddenly wrong. Chalking it up to his headache, Hogun asked: "You can't see the bonds?"

"She has no magic." Loki said, to Sigyn's growing disdain, "I guess you're not my wife after all."

Loki managed a weak grin to Sigyn's tight jaw and surfacing anger, so Hogun rushed to ask: "Where is Angrboda?"

"Upstairs." Sigyn said, turning to him, "She's calling for a watcher or something, I don't know and, at this point I really don't care."

"Heimdall." Thor spoke up, "She may call as much as she wishes, but ... these things take time."

Loki scoffed, appearing about as tired and irritated as Sigyn. Hogun could practically sense her vibrating with impatience and he was going to leave, he was but, first, he had to say something. He'd been talking with Angrboda more so right then than anyone. He just hoped he wasn't wrong,

"You should apologize." Hogun said.

Expression somewhat twisted, Loki said, though they sounded significantly less snappy "Apology? I hardly think my words would mean anything to her. Certainly, they would not absolve me."

"Yes." Hogun said, "They wouldn't. But, an apology would help."

"What if I don't want to apologize?" Loki challenged, though their voice fell into something more somber.

"I don't know." Hogun simply said, seeing that the atmosphere around them had fallen further, if that was even possible. For her part, Sigyn rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue, leveling a rather distasteful glare at Loki, though she said nothing as she practically dragged Hogun out the basement.

 

***

 

 "This isn't over." Hogun said, and Sigyn scoffed, saying: "And it's not really our problem to solve, is it?"

Snappy, as she tended to be, more so now when she was hungover, Sigyn would not really take no for an answer. Angrboda stood by them, and Hogun wondered if there truly was no way for all of this to end amicably, or at least with no one getting hurt.

"Please," Angrboda said, unexpectedly, her voice soft and her gaze falling on Sigyn, "I know this is a lot. But I did not mean to deceive you, Sigyn. I ... I came here for a purpose, I didn't know I would ever meet someone like you here, someone I ... "

"Someone you what?" Sigyn snapped, looking up with bleary reddened eyes as she fumbled for her coat, "Someone you enjoyed screwing around with? Don't you have casual sex in alien land?"

This seemed to hurt Angrboda, even if visibly she'd barely moved a muscle. Standing firm and taut, much like the imposing form of Thor, only her eyes showed her feelings clearly, and only so, Hogun thought, if you wanted to see it. Sigyn seemed, however, to have no more patience for it.

"Sigyn, we are not so different." Angrboda said, regretful, "I haven't told you everything, but what I did, what we have, that is real. It's real to me, it's important."

"Sigyn ... maybe we should stay." Hogun dared say, which brought all of Sigyn's sordid attention squarely on him.

However, in a mere second more Sigyn's anger seemed to deflate. Sounding entirely tired now, instead of irritated, Sigyn said: "Please, Hogun. Let's just ... leave."

Angrboda looked like she wanted to protest, but decided not to. Once Sigyn had finally managed to get her things together and on her, Hogun debated giving a protest of his own, but instead he followed Sigyn out of the house, glancing back at Angrboda with a terribly useless expression of regret.

Sigyn walked fast down to her car, slamming the doors shut once she got in. Breathing out a heavy exhale, she mumbled: "My head hurts."

"Angrboda's liquor is strong." Hogun said, practically still able to taste the strong sour note of the drink on his tongue.

Snorting out a tired laugh, Sigyn nodded, saying: "Strong. Yeah. Fuck ... I don't even know how I woke up. I feel like I'm gonna keel over ... "

"Thank you." Hogun thought to say, and to Sigyn's confusion, explained: "For getting me out of there. I wasn't ... it seems as if Angrboda is stronger than anyone anticipated."

With a derisive sort of a hum, Sigyn said: "She'd have let you out, eventually. Her anger is not really pointed at you. Or me. Too bad she'll have my anger to contend with, unless of course she flies the fuck away to space and leaves me behind."

Oh, those words hurt to say, Hogun could plainly see for how Sigyn barely managed to get them all out without her voice cracking. And indeed, she'd yet to fire up her car, yet to really make any other move to leave.

"Do you remember what you said to me last night?"

Sigyn shook her head, wincing as it must have hurt, "No ... I don't. I have no idea. Probably something incredibly stupid."

Hogun smiled gently, saying: "It wasn't stupid. It was ... the truth. You love her and I love Loki. And now ... we're both feeling helpless."

"Understatement." Sigyn huffed out, lowering her head to lay on her hands with which she was gripping the wheel of the car, "This is so unreal."

"You also reminded me of something important."  Hogun continued, glancing a little out the window to Angrboda's house, standing still and unassuming in the midst of other houses just like it, "This is weird. And painful."

"But ... " Hogun said, turning to Sigyn who'd likewise managed to look up enough to squint adorably at him from where her head was still leaning on her hands, "We are together. With all that's happened lately ... you must believe I feel the same way. I love you, and I ... I'm glad you're with me. It feels ... I feel safe with you."

"I could never leave, could I?" Sigyn said, sighing fondly, "A dumbass like you ... "

A sudden booming sound and the rumbling noise of something heavy falling snapped Hogun's attention back to Angrboda's house. With a start, his stomach twisting at the sight, Hogun saw that somehow, impossibly, all that was left of Angrboda's house, in the very second he'd looked away, was ... almost nothing. Just a pile of parts, covered in a cloud of dust.

"What the fuck?" Sigyn spat, sounding panicked, rushing out of her car.

Hogun followed, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He could feel some sort of an energy emanating from the decay of Angrboda's house, something heavy, sticky, potent and incredibly overwhelming. Stumbling, Hogun felt Sigyn's arms around him, lifting him up as she spoke words he could not hear for the buzzing in his ears. He felt the electricity in the air around them, but it was not coming from him.

Bursting through the rumble just then was Thor, holding tight to his hammer, light around him bright and strong, revealing an expression of utmost fury.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For whomever is still reading this lol, sorry for the delay. I've been super busy lately.


	12. Something Happy

Hogun could not stop staring dumbly at Thor growling his way out of the rumble of the house. The falling of the walls of Angrboda's home rang in his ears still, muting the sounds around him as if he had been placed within a strange vaccum, his lungs seizing on a breath.

Out of the corner of his eye Hogun could see Sigyn, only momentarily similarly frozen in shock before she rushed past him, fearless.

Still, somehow, even her movements seemed slow, and the distance between her and Thor, and the ruins of Angrboda's home, much much larger than it probably was. Sigyn, frantic as she was to reach the ruins, and Thor, furious as he still clearly was, didn't notice, or didn't care, that there were people outside now, coming out of their own homes to see this spectacular misfortune. Whispering among themselves their eyes settled on Thor, first and foremost, whose expression only then relaxed from its furious grimace into something softer. Something hurt, though amplified by miles from the twisted grimace Thor had sported in Angrboda's basement, faced with Loki's harsh words.

Eventually, he too began to notice the people who had gathered around them, curious and scared, with their phones held securely in their hands. Some must have been calling for help, but others wanted to have an image to share. Hogun thought he should go to them, convince them this was a perfectly normal sudden destruction of a house, that it was just an earthquake or something else mundane like that.

In a mere second more, Thor lifted his hammer up into the air and it lit up in his grasp as they both went up, higher and higher until he could no longer be seen.

And in a second more that it took for Hogun to finally realize what had happened, what he was seeing, for Sigyn's calls for him to help her to reach him ...

He heard a whisper behind him:

“Close your eyes."

 

***

 

Hogun didn't.

When he snapped back into existence he fell to his knees hitting the cold hard floor as his vision spun and spun, colors folding and unfolding only to mold into a bluish darkness of muted lights. Hogun tried to focus, to see where he was. As his vision gradually cleared and the room finally stopped spinning, Hogun realized Loki had taken them, out of all places, to the now empty club they most often performed in.

And indeed, once Hogun managed to lift himself up and off the dusty floor, he heard Loki say: “You took it better the first time. You should have closed your eyes.“

Oh.

Oh. Fuck.

Hogun turned around to a disheveled visage of Loki sitting at the chair by the empty bar, looking pale and worse off than he'd ever seen them.

“Breathe.” Loki said, “It'll pass.“

“Take me back.” Hogun managed, though his words were weak, forced out through a rolling feeling in his whole body.

“I'm afraid I didn't quite hear you, what was that?” Loki mocked, though their voice hardly held any strength either.

Taking a deep breath, as Loki had instructed, Hogun said: “Take me back. Please.“

“I'm so glad you're here, I hope you know.” Loki said, their tone wistful, “Oh, as soon as I get my magic back to its full power, we'll travel the galaxies! Together, I'm so certain ... “

“Loki.” Hogun managed, though Loki was yet to truly look at him. Slowly, Hogun approached the bar, holding onto the counter for balance, “What did you do back there?“

“Me?” Loki said, shrugging, “Nothing. Nothing at all. It was all Thor and his dreadful inability to contain his righteous anger.“

They sounded jovial even, as they added: “I told him everything. All of those dirty little secrets his father had kept from him for so long. I do wonder ... he was so angry, if it was  _at_  me, or  _for_  me?“

“Angrboda's house ... it fell.” Hogun mumbled, frowning. He knew Loki might not care, but Sigyn was still there and Angrboda had shown them all nothing but patience.

“She'll fix it.” Loki simply said, “If a mere falling of walls upon her body could destroy her, I would have solved that problem centuries ago.“

“Loki ... “

“Why do you want to go back?” Loki snapped, finally, and looked at Hogun properly, their eyes wide, “Sigyn will be fine, Angrboda will be fine ... it's I who needs you, not them.“

Hogun tried hard right then for this peculiarly flippant or strangely vulnerable statement to not render him speechless. Again. It would be easier, in a way, not to have to speak to Loki at all, because this was a precipice of sorts and Hogun had no desire to jump, but to stand there useless and silent would be ... cowardly.

“Loki,” Hogun said, sitting down at the bar stool, to which Loki made two cocktails appear, seemingly with no movement at all.

Taking his glass then, because it was only polite, Hogun asked: “What if we hadn't gone out?“

Loki stared at him uncomprehending, though they then said: “Ah. You think I would let a house fall on you just to free myself?“

Their tone was accusatory, and a little hurt. Hogun felt momentarily cowed by it, but the idea that it could be true, even if it wasn't intentional, irked at him. Loki, however, didn't seem like they would listen to much sense.

Nevertheless, Hogun said: “You can't run. I didn't mean it to sound like that it's just ... if we are here, then we can't have been anywhere else, is that true?“

Loki nodded, “Norway is to be my prison. Though not for very long.“

“I'm not an expert on this ... on alien crimes and sentencing ...” Hogun began, “But, isn't breaking out of prison going to make this worse?“

“How can it be worse?” Loki spat, though in a moment more they calmed, saying: “Angrboda is not the only one who wishes for my greater punishment. When you've lived as long as I have you gather up a pricey toll.“

“I can't shapeshift into anything that isn't myself.” Loki said, “I can't hide, as you said, anywhere. So I didn't. I accepted my banishment despite my sore lack of defenses, and look what has happened. Angrboda found me, and it is very likely more will follow. The best thing I could have done was ... well, if I hadn't been a coward at the climax of my wonderful attempt at proving my worth ...“

“You wanted to let go.” Hogun said, low and careful, “I remember Thor mentioned ... “

“Pathetic, isn't he?” Loki spat, “Though, I suppose I'm worse. I was the one to almost do it, after all.“

“He would have been hurt.” Hogun said, with utmost conviction, as he had seen such worry in Sigyn's eyes that day in the hospital, and then again so soon, too soon.

Loki too, as it seemed to be the case with them, heard him beyond the words he'd perhaps carelessly spoken. Hogun could not tell if Loki had anything at all to say about whether Thor would indeed have been hurt by the loss of his brother, but he could tell, plainly, that Loki now knew something about him he'd rather they did not.

“What could have possibly made you want that?” Loki asked, as if they truly did not understand. Their eyes had widened slightly as if trying to see it farther from himself, but there was nothing at all to see.

It was as mundane a reason as any other.

“Guilt.” Hogun said, fearing the words even as they poured out of him, gazing as he was, stubbornly away from Loki, “Unease. I had felt displaced for most of my life. But to say it was this and only this would be a lie.“

“Is your power so heavy for you to carry?” Loki asked, and Hogun could feel them wanting to grab his full attention, seeing them shift on their seat from the corner of his eye.

“No.” Hogun said, “My brain is wired in such a way that it doesn't allow me any reprieve, any happiness.“

“But you were happy.” Loki said, “With me. Were you not?“

Hogun shrugged, “I was. Maybe. It was new. You were exciting, wonderful ... but it was only a matter of time before I'd become fatigued by it all.“

“You speak so assuredly ...” Loki said, bitterly, “As if somebody has fed you the words.“

“Truthfully,” Hogun said, “They are not my own. But I never would have been able to speak them if they hadn't been given to me. I would have gotten lost in trying to follow you.“

“Sigyn ...” Loki spoke, “Truly she is all you need.“

Hogun didn't have to turn to Loki to see their hand coming for him, fingers splayed open as if to touch him. Holding his own hand up Hogun caught them, intertwining their fingers in a spark of energy as he turned to look, faced with Loki's wide eyed stare.

“You've gotten stronger.“

For all that Loki was surprised, Hogun was more so. He hadn't practiced at all in the hospital and after, concerned more about just getting out of bed. To think he had just stopped whatever it was Loki was going to do to him ... Perhaps Hogun looked sufficiently puzzled, because Loki's expression turned back to something genuinely miserable.

“I've been practicing healing magic.” Loki said, “My illusions are harmless glamours and they aren't so difficult, but healing is ... it's challenging. It's all I have left.“

“You were going to heal me?” Hogun asked, to which Loki gave a sad little shrug.

“Why not?” They asked, “I can do it. What did you think I was going to do?“

Hogun shook his head. He didn't know. It was on mere instinct that he'd reacted, the closeness he'd felt to Loki's magic summoning his own in some way Hogun could not quite understand. There was a lot he couldn't understand, Hogun thought, and he'd hardly had time enough with Loki to learn more about whatever this was he held within him.

And now, it seemed, time was running out quicker than he'd like.

“It can't be that easy.” Hogun said, feeling his voice weaken for the admission. Judging by Loki's minute change in expression, it wasn't.

Of course it wouldn't be.

“If I were to carry now the title given to me,” Loki spoke, softly, “I would tell you it is as easy as you want it to be. I'd tell you I could heal you and it would last until the day you die.“

“I would tell you,” Loki continued, “The price was for you to escape with me, and stay with me, until the moment I no longer need you.“

“Do it.” Hogun said, tired of Loki's rambling. He already knew Loki would do no such thing to him, would not bind him in that way. Nor would Hogun let himself be bound.

“You're certain?“

“Yes.” Hogun said, knowing one thing at least: The fog in his mind would go away, if only for a brief moments respite, his body might even let up for how tense it had become, and he would be able to listen clearly to whatever else Loki wanted or needed to say without the familiar sense of tired irritation aching for the sounds.

Closing his eyes Hogun tried to relax as he felt Loki's cold hand come upon his forehead. Only then did Hogun notice how hot he himself was feeling, how the strain of the last hours had already taken its toll on his ailing body. But then, with just a touch, and the warmth now coming from Loki's hand, Hogun's mind cleared.

The relief was so much it made him nearly gasp, and he begun to understand immediately the ache it would leave behind once it was gone.

“Loki ...” Hogun spoke, for lack of anything else his suddenly clear mind could ironically think of.

“What does it feel like?” Loki asked, but Hogun could not quite say.

It was relief, more than anything. His thoughts no longer in such insidious anxiety ridden disarray, and his body, oh, it felt as if all the little aches and pains from how high strung he'd been had simply ... vanished. It would hurt, oh it would hurt so much when it came back, Hogun knew. And yet, for this one moment he wanted, he needed, to feel like it could last.

Unthinking, Hogun grabbed at Loki's shoulder, pulling them into a kiss. All that he felt, all that he wanted, poured out into this gesture Loki had readily reciprocated, their touch tender in contrast to their pulling need. Loki's long hair fell against Hogun's shoulders, and they embraced. Unwilling to let go, Hogun clung to Loki for as long as he could, for as long as Loki would allow it.

“Won't you come with me?” Loki whispered.

Hogun shook his head, managing a weak and painful: “I can't. I can't.“

More than anything, Hogun wanted to convince Loki to stay, in turn. But before he could, a small burst of light appeared from their right, and next Hogun heard a crackle and another burst coming from seemingly nowhere.

Loki was already up, gripping his arms tight, “We need to leave!” They yelled, though their voice was muted as the crackling magic ringed in Hogun's ears.

Hogun shook his head desperately wordlessly pleading for Loki to stay, and he gripped their arms likewise, feeling his own power pour out to join the crackling sounds of what had to be Thor, trying for a breach of whatever spell Loki had cast over the space.

No, no ... Hogun thought he'd said, while Loki's frustrated temper grew with the magic as they yelled over the sounds of thunder echoing in the space: “You can't make this choice for me!“

Hogun knew he couldn't.

So he let go.

 

***

 

It was raining outside. Not the kind of pouring rain that soaked one to the bone, but a light breezy rain that you only really noticed if you stood somewhere without a cover for too long.

Hogun was standing by the window of his apartment, staring. For once in as far back as he could remember, his head was completely clear. It was as though the weather outside could have been any kind at all, and it would not touch him. It felt as if the people there with him were there truly, not heavy on his back and mind, as if their presence alone would crush him into something compact and small, with no thoughts and feelings of his own.

Loki might have found it humorous, Hogun thought as he turned his attention to the rest of the room, if the situation was entirely different, to see his once wife in her giant form, sitting awkwardly upon Hogun's ratty old couch, much too big for the space she was in with Sigyn by her side, unwilling to leave her at all, a strained sort of frown etched between her brows.

And Thor, looking troubled and rather smaller than he truly was, standing in the middle of the room, lost in thoughts of his brother.

“My brother can't leave Norway. But this is no small place to hide.” Thor mused.

“They've broken their sentence by fleeing.” Angrboda forced out.

Thor looked at Angrboda, lips crooked: “It is you who has challenged my brother's sentence. He has yet to break it. As far as it stands now, if he comes back, it is entirely within our power to plead for amenities, instead of further punishment.“

Angrboda knew that, so much was plainly obvious by the weathered down look of her slumped shoulders. Sigyn had yet to say anything, uncharacteristically silent. Thor, however, had much more to say.

“You must understand, all of you, my brother ... he's not what he'd have you believe.“

“A murderer?” Angrboda supplied.

“A whole ass liar?” Sigyn piped up, though her voice was bitter and low.

Thor looked rattled by their words, though he nevertheless said: “I've begun to understand ... nobody had ever truly been there for him. He's lived all his life upon lies festering in our home. How else but this, could all of it have ended?“

“Therapy?” Sigyn suggested dryly.

“Your father is a terrible man.” Angrboda said, “But if Loki had even a sliver of empathy, kindness, or honor even, within them, it would have risen over their anger. It would have done so with me, and it would have done so with my planet.“

Even as troubled as Thor appeared, he did not protest Angrboda's claim. Nobody did, in fact, not even Hogun. He knew, after all, that Loki was more than any one thing, and who they were with him had been but a facet of it all. Privately, however, Hogun hoped Loki would be alright, wherever they had hidden themselves. He hoped also, that they would come back, and this hope had sway over him in both a very selfish way and a decidedly caring way as well.

“I must go.” Thor eventually said, “Angrboda must come with me.“

Sigyn must have known it would come to that, Hogun thought, as her grip on Angrboda's arm tightened before she let go. They shared a look that reminded Hogun of what it looked like from the sidelines, to observe someone else's deep care for another.

When Thor and Angrboda left, by foot so as not to attract attention until they would presumably be somewhere less populated, Hogun sat by Sigyn, still not knowing what to really say. Comforting it was, Hogun thought, to still be so fully himself.

“Fuck.” Sigyn swore and kept on swearing, as she slumped back onto the sofa, head on the rest, looking up. If there were tears in her eyes, Hogun elected not to point them out.

Exhausted as well, Hogun laid next to her, looking up at the cracks in the ceiling.

“You seem strangely better.” Sigyn said, softly, once she'd regained her breath, “Like, your eyes have this ... this light in them. I haven't seen that in such a long time.“

“I know.” Hogun said, wistfully, “I just wish it could last.“

“It can.” Sigyn said, “Even without Loki, it can. You know that, right?“

She looked at him, her eyes again beginning to fill with tears. The small shivers and her pallor made Hogun's heart ache, even as he did his best to smile for her. Instead of saying anything, Hogun just took her hand in his. It had to be enough, for just then, for both of them.

Hogun let Sigyn cry, and she did so soundlessly until her tears finally dried out. Then, he asked: “Should we watch a movie?“

Puffing out a strangled little laugh, Sigyn shook her head, sighing, “Just please, no sci-fi, okay?“

“How about a drama? A sad story rooted in realistic misery?” Hogun suggested, feeling a genuine smile creep upon his lips as well.

“I think we've had enough of both.” Sigyn said, “How about a cartoon? Something with a positive message, where everything ends on a happy note.“

“Something happy.” Hogun said, “I suppose we can find something like that.“

Hogun knew it wouldn't last, but for the moment at least, as he sifted through the list of movies on his tv and Sigyn had meanwhile gotten up to feed his lizard, he thought he might see, for once, what simple things like these truly were. And if he felt joy for it, then all the better, because it reminded him that he could, and as long as he tried, he would feel this way again.

 

***

 

Eventually, Hogun found another job. Sigyn had recommended him for a similar position to his last, and Hogun accepted it, wishing still not to end up somehow moneyless and homeless. Even with that, Hogun tried to accept invitations for casual hangouts as often as he could, taking particular care not to burn out. While Loki's spell took mere days to fade, the arduous application of modern medicine gave him back some of the energy and clarity he needed in a matter of months. And so, with all of these wonderful resolutions in mind, Hogun went to see his friends for drinks and food at a nearby eatery.

Once there, Alex and Thea greeted him as if they hadn't been apart for more than a day. They fell back into comfortable conversation easily, even with all that had happened. Sigyn too, seemed to be doing much better. There was light in her eyes as well, Hogun noticed, as she recounted another of her famous stories, relating to a biker and a swarm of tourists.

By the end of the night Hogun was somewhat relaxed and in a good mood, which Alex picked up on immediately. As they were leaving, Alex stopped him and pulled him aside.

“So listen,” He said, “I know it's not your thing, but if you still have your guitar and you'd want to give it a go ...” Shuffling through his jacket pocket, Alex came up with a business card of some sort.

“Here.” He said, and Hogun noticed the font immediately.

Granted, the font itself was not uncommon, but the ugliness of it combined with the color of the background and the overall aesthetic clued him in.

“No.” Hogun said, “I ... how?“

“Okay, long story, but I'm sort of friends with the friend of the owner, right?” Alex began, “You won't believe it, and I promise I haven't told anyone, but somebody left a cd with your music on it in his office. The club owner was all into it, and he's agreed to listen to you play live, you just need to give him a call.“

“Somebody ... “ Hogun mumbled, staring at the card in his hands.

“If you ask me, I think Sigyn did it.” Alex said, “Don't tell her I said that. But also, you let her hear you play? Man, and here I was, asking you so many times... and you even let her record?”

“Thanks, Alex.” Hogun said, “I'll think about it.“

With a promise to let Alex listen to him play, they all went back to their own respective homes. Hogun couldn't sleep that night at all, however, thinking of the club and the owner and the possibility that ...

Ah, but it couldn't be. Thor had not come back once, not that Hogun necessarily expected him to, and both Sigyn and him were in the dark as to the fates of Loki and Angrboda. Something that, as time passed, had become less strenuous to live with.

The next morning was Saturday. Hogun stayed in bed trying to get some more needed sleep though he ended up just tossing and turning and every so often playing with the card he'd left on his bedside table. Sighing, Hogun picked up the phone and, in the haze of sleeplessness managed to arrange a meeting. Though he dared not hope, Hogun could not pick up Loki's voice from the phone, and he definitely did not hope Loki had shapeshifted and was intent on pulling a prank on him.

For all Hogun knew Loki was either still in hiding, had been found and taken home for the trial, or had broken the restriction upon his magic and was now ever farther away.

Still, Hogun went to that meeting a few days later, and only once he'd arrived at the club did it hit him that he hadn't practiced playing in ages. More to the point, if he lost control he would almost certainly fry the equipment that was there, and likely the club owner along with it.

With this horrid image in mind, Hogun nevertheless managed to stagger inside to meet the man. He was tall and somewhat pudgy, dressed in a leisure outfit of sneakers jeans and a sweatshirt. His hand was a bit clammy, Hogun noted as they shook hands, but the smile on the man's face was genuine and warm.

“Experimental stuff, stuff from the heart, you know.” The man said, “It's what this club is all about.“

Even though his whole body thrummed with nerves, and to even speak at that moment seemed for a second to be impossible, Hogun took a deep deliberate breath and asked: “Alex said you'd been given a cd with my music on it. Who gave it to you?“

The man shrugged, saying, “Don't worry about that right now. Just do your thing.“

Wondering about Loki would do him no good, Hogun reminded himself. It had to have been Loki who left the cd in this place, but that did not mean they were coming back. Helpfully, Hogun's mind supplied, maybe it at least meant that they were not taken for a re-trial, that they were still somewhere on Earth.

With that, Hogun said: “I ... uh, I've never played in a place like this before.“

The man smiled, “I figured. You seem a little twitchy, but don't worry. Climb right up onto that stage, close your eyes, and just play. If you end up sounding bad,  I promise I will merely give it a chuckle.“

Worried still that he would hurt the man, Hogun said: “I have a request. It might be a bit strange.“

Motioning for him to say it, Hogun managed: “Uh ... if you don't mind, could you stand as far away from the stage as possible? Behind the bar, maybe? I ...“

Something peculiar passed through the man's pleasant expression, “Behind the bar?” He questioned, “Sure, why not. I'll be right there.” The man said, indeed walking behind the bar, securing his spot atop a bar stool he'd pulled with him.

The man motioned towards the stage, “Enough foreplay, yes?“

Hogun nodded, swallowing thickly as he turned to the stage and walked its three steps up to it. There was a guitar there ready for him with the speaker next to it. All he had to do was to just play the damn thing.

Not really knowing why he even came here, a thought that came about suddenly just then, Hogun could not but think on all the times he'd made a really simple thing much more complicated that it needed to be, how his perpetual cycle of unbidden thoughts and anxieties had near but taken what little joy he'd had in life, and how he'd never thought he'd be standing on a stage like this or any other.

And then he thought of Loki, and he thought of Sigyn, and he felt, regardless of all else, that, if he kept the image of them in his mind, he could do this. He would siphon the energy as much as he could, and he would not let it hurt anyone, not even the lifeless speaker nor the tips of his fingers.

He would not.

He could do this.

Resolutely, Hogun sat down onto the small chair, took the guitar in hand and, after a few practiced chords, began to play.

Hogun played and the same old feeling of weightless bliss came upon him as he did, but when he felt it, the energy inside him about to burst unbidden from his body and into the space, an image of his mother flashed before his eyes.

Scared and hurt, the smell of her burns was as real as it had been then. Heart beating wild, Hogun stopped, letting go of the guitar as if it was a monster he'd unwittingly embraced, and he opened his eyes wide, breathing heavily as he moved away and yet further still until his back reached the wall.

The man, he saw, was looking at him strangely and it all crashed into him so suddenly Hogun could scarcely stay upright.

This was it. He ruined it all as he knew he would. As he always did.

“You know ... “ The man spoke, moving from across the bar to stand in the middle of the room, “Loki could have just scribbled a little note of warning. That way, at least I'd have prepared some sturdier equipment.“

Hogun stared back, for a moment uncomprehending, feeling his heart beat wildly in his chest.

The man smiled, shrugging, “Yeah yeah ... I know. I suppose Loki could have given me some fake credentials and just did their thing, but instead they turned my room into a tacky mess of fake pink furs and gave me a mow-hawk. I think I died a little inside that day, to be honest.“

“Still,” The man continued, “I hired them. They were quite a riot on stage, though less so behind it. The other queens probably wanted to wrangle their neck, I'll tell you that, but ... oh, would you calm down?“

Hogun tried, he really did. But in that moment he didn't think another tour of doubled meds would have managed to achieve such a feat. This man knew, Hogun's mind helpfully supplied, and now what? Did that mean he knew where Loki was? Did it also mean that the only reason Hogun was standing on this stage right then was them as well?

“I'll get you a drink.” The man said, walking behind the bar counter. Hogun thought, wildly, that this man could have also been someone magical, and that the drink might appear from thin air, but it didn't.

The man walked up to him and handed him a glass of water along with a bottle of some sort of craft beer.

“Water and sweet pale ale.” The man said, “Now, if you're done freaking out, I'll give you one more chance to play. If you don't want to, you're free to leave.“

Hogun shook his head, drank his water and left the rest on the floor, “I'll play. Just ... give me a second.“

The man agreed, by some miracle, and so Hogun sat back down onto the chair on the stage, having unplastered himself from the wall with great difficulty. Despite the man's earlier comment the equipment looked okay, like he hadn't damaged it at all. This gave Hogun a small amount of confidence that it would stay that way, as he closed his eyes once more.

Feeling the quitar's wires, imagining such a great thing in his mind, an idea of hope and control and all the things he could have if he didn't fuck this up, Hogun began to play.

This time, Hogun did not stop. Even as he began to feel the crackle of electricity around him, Hogun breathed deeply, standing up from the chair as he fully let go. Behind closed eyes he could see the bursts of light, though he could smell no burning. And so he played, and he played, until time itself ceased to exist, and the only thing real was his own body, this guitar he was holding, and the sounds around him.

Taking another deep breath, Hogun stopped and opened his eyes.

And then, against all odds and against all hope, there they were. Standing beside the man who looked mildly impressed was Loki, smiling softly and clapping, dressed in the same glamorous way they had been when Hogun had first played for them.

Stunned into stillness, Hogun heard the man say: “I'll leave you two lovestruck idiots alone. But before I go, Hogun, you're decent enough. I'll book you for a show, but if the audience doesn't respond to your noisy light show, you're out.“

“They will.” Hogun heard Loki say, “There's no one else like him.“

“He an x-man or something?” The man quipped, “Doesn't look like a God to me.“

Loki gave him a look of raised brows, and the man shrugged, “Fine then. Just don't fuck on the stage, okay?“

“Wouldn't be the first time.” Said Loki, to the man's tired groan.

Moments passed once the man had gone when neither of them moved. Loki looked expectant, as they so often did, but Hogun could not stop himself from staring. It felt truly unreal: him, on the stage, actually having played for someone else, and Loki, standing there, appearing as well as before, unharmed and whole and here.

Cautiously, as if this were a mere illusion that would break for a faster step, Hogun climbed off the stage and walked up to where Loki stood, attempting a touch that would not quite reach. But then, Loki moved and caught his hand, smiling wide.

“You were great.” Loki said, “I knew you could do it, though I feared you might be mad at me for my presumption.“

“No ... I ...” Hogun mumbled, hating his weak voice already, “Did you ... “

“It was all you.“ Loki assured him.

“How are you here?“ Hogun didn't mean for it to sound like that, of course, and despite a brief frown Loki seemed to realize it too.

“It's as you said.” Loki began, “Angrboda would have gotten what she wanted if I had broken my sentence. So I did not.“

Managing another mumble, Hogun asked: “Uh ... then where?“

“Asgård.” Loki said, “For a while. Turns out the queen does have quite the eye for weaving threads even the Norns would be envious of.“

Breathing out, for he held his breath all the way through, Hogun said: “I'm glad ... I'm glad to see you.“

“So am I.” Loki said, seemingly taken aback, “I ... well, you know, I was thinking of leaving you be, but I'm hardly so selfless.“

“And Angrboda ... where is she now? ”Hogun asked, thinking of Sigyn and the few drunken nights they'd spent discussing each of their broken hearts.

Loki sighed, saying: “Her banishment has been lifted. She's currently helping rebuild what's left of ... what's left of Jötunheimr. Thor spoke in her favor, sentimental as my brother is. As for me ... I've been sent back here. It has been decided that it would be for the best if I didn't participate in the rebuilding efforts. Nor for me to be on either planet at all. I thought honestly, of leaving for the many paths on Asgård I could probably still travel through but ... I did not. So I'm here.“

Hogun thought sentiment was not such a foreign thing to Loki either, though he did not say it. Instead, he said: “I am glad, I really am. I thought ... I hadn't the chance to tell you I wanted you to stay. It would have been selfish I realize ... not my choice to make, but I wanted to tell you anyway ...“

Loki smiled. It wasn't a grin or a thinly veiled attempt at masking some past hurt. It was small, but it was honest. And, in their eyes, Hogun could see that he had finally said the right thing.

“I look forward to your show.” Loki said, and they sounded bashful even, “Would you like me to attend like this? Or did you have something else in mind?“

Hogun hummed, pretending to think seriously on it, “I think I'd like to see you in a suit.“

Loki's smile transformed into laughter, and Hogun fell into it easily, imagining that Loki did not take him so seriously. Hogun would not care what Loki wore, truly, only that they were there, that they would see him. And, hopefully, they would make peace with Sigyn.

                                                      

***

 

The night came about quick, even though in reality it had been three weeks past. Hogun felt ill prepared, but he also felt something akin to joy. It helped that the club he was to play in he'd already attended many times, that the place itself was familiar, even if the act of playing for a handful of people would be much different than playing for one stoic man and his, well, whatever Loki was to him now. Hogun liked to think they were friends.

Dressing up as he was, though more truthfully, dressing down into something casual and comfortable, Hogun thought next of his mother, even as he felt his stomach drop for the thought. Her injuries had been mild enough, but the look on her face ... the idea that he would take this for himself, something that had caused so much grief for his family, felt for a moment selfish and impossible.

Why should he be allowed to do this, when the best thing to do would be to stay quiet and work, to remain unseen? Of course, Hogun had relayed this line of troubled thought both to Sigyn and his therapist, and they both had something similar to say. Though unsure whether he could leave enough of his guilt behind to truly play, Hogun decided to at least try.

Without entirely leaving his dubious thoughts behind, Hogun nevertheless steeled himself with a final deep breath.

“Bye, Lizard.” Hogun said on his way out, “Wish me luck.“

Sigyn was already parked close. She smiled at him as he sat by her, though as of late her smile sometimes had trouble reaching her eyes. Visibly tired and yet still here, Hogun could not help but ask: “Do you want to go somewhere else? I don't have to play tonight.“

“Don't be ridiculous.” Sigyn said, shrugging, “It's your night. I do expect you to entertain me, don't get me wrong.“

Hogun nodded, taking the demand seriously.

“How is she, do you think?” Sigyn asked, “Loki ... they said she's doing what she needs to do.” With a small choked laugh, she added: “I don't think they're lying about that. And I'm trying to understand it and accept it, but I miss her still. I don't know what the hell's wrong with me, you know?“

“Nothing is wrong.” Hogun said, because of this at least he was sure, “Nothing at all.“

Sigyn said no more on the subject as she fired up her car and nothing still on their way to the club. Hogun knew she would be okay, eventually, but he wished Angrboda would come back just as Loki did, even if it seemed impossible.

The venue was not as empty as Hogun hoped it would be. After all, he wasn't the only one playing tonight, though more people would surely come later once the main act arrived. It wasn't Loki this time, as it hadn't been them in a while. Hogun thought to ask about it, but he'd hardly seen Loki in the three weeks they'd been back.

Even right then Hogun could not see them anywhere. Sigyn wished him luck as she made her way to where Thea and Alex sat, both visibly excited for Hogun's upcoming session. It should have made him nervous, but there were so many other things on his mind, Hogun could scarcely catch one thing and feel any kind of way about it fully.

Eventually, Hogun settled on the stage, his gaze roaming the room. He could see Sigyn Alex and Thea clearly. Thea was smiling brightly, Alex was holding a thumbs up, and Sigyn's smile almost reached her eyes.

And then, at the far right side, there they were as well. Coming out of the shadowed part of the back entry way, Loki sauntered in and they, oh, Hogun almost laughed out loud, were indeed wearing a suit. It was a very nice expensive looking suit entirely in black, opened at the jacket to reveal Loki's softer form under a white dress-shirt. For a moment that Hogun managed to tear his eyes away from Loki, he saw that behind them walked a tall dark haired woman with a crooked scowl, appearing as though she wished she was anywhere but here. Based on her stance, Hogun concluded Skurge might have been replaced.

Further behind them, Hogun saw a crop of red hair pulled up in a bun. A woman yet taller than the one before followed after them, looking uncertain, and more so because a few eyes were on her already. Glancing around, Hogun noticed the owner from the corner of his eye, glaring at him to begin playing.

Hogun waited a second more however, because he wanted to see it, he needed to. Pretending to be tuning his guitar, Hogun saw Sigyn jump from the chair, a mixture of emotions in her frown and a muted yell. She ran for Angrboda and her heightened voice carried a little through the dull beat and the people chatting. She was angry, that much was obvious, but she was also ... happy. For a moment it appeared as though Sigyn would not let Angrboda out of her tight embrace, though she did in the end, leading her to where everyone already was.

Angrboda's soft expression trailed after Sigyn, who pulled her by the hand towards her seat.

Sparing one more glance at Loki, who'd settled near and was already holding a drink, Hogun saw him wink before he closed his eyes.

Strumming a few chords to signal the beginning of the show, Hogun closed his eyes, smiled, and played his guitar.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done. The delay for this last chapter: business+laziness+inability to decide on the ending
> 
> I had a few different endings in mind, most prominently one where Loki does escape, as it seemed like something they'd do, but as it stands in my mind, Sif's been sent to guard them to her great displeasure as Skurge has been demoted. Loki was further forbidden to perform or do anything to attract attention and can't leave the capital. For sure Loki will eventually try to circumvent their situation, but for now this is it. 
> 
> Ultimately, with how everything I enjoy lately seemed to have a shitty ending, I thought I'd give this one a tried and true happy one. Everything's fine.


End file.
